I’m putting myself in your place, my geeky friends. I’m going to search on match.com for 20-something females in my area who are single without kids, non-smokers, educated (at least a Bachelors), and turned on by Brainiacs.
On first skim, look for usernames. They say a lot about a person. For example, on this first page of about 12 results, 4 girls have the word “fly” in their username. I don’t know about you, Reader, but a wholesome geek-loving girl generally would not describe herself as “fly.” You might be pretty fly for a white guy, but let’s look elsewhere for potential mates. Unless you like high maintenance women, also avoid girls with “baby”, “sexy”, or “diva” in their username, too.
Now, like any man with blood in his veins, you’re going to want to click on a girl based on her picture. That’s a fine place to start. For starters, I’ve clicked on a cute curly-haired brunette. Let’s see what we can find out about her…
I don’t like ‘damaged baggage’ and hope to meet someone who has learned from past relationships and moved on from them.
Whoa. That’s a clear message. “My last boyfriend dumped me because he wasn’t over his ex” or perhaps “I’m really picky and if somebody won’t conform to my standards then I’m out.”
Let’s move on….
This next girl’s main picture makes it look like she’s topless. (It’s really a very low-cut strapless top that’s barely in the picture.) The picture itself screams desperation. She has a cute smile and could have cropped the photo to show just her face, but she chose the nearly nude look. What does that say about her self-esteem? (If you say it’s high, you’re wrong… she wouldn’t flaunt her stuff unless she thought she had little else to attract your attention.)
But picture aside, let’s see what she has to say:
I am looking for someone who can blend with me. I am independent and think having some separate interests are important. Don’t smother me, but don’t show too little interest either!
Blend with her? Trying to comprehend that paragraph makes my mind feel like it’s in a blender! Should you like her interests or not? Hug her or keep your distance? Call her or not call her? Email or not email? Text or not text? Next!
A red flag in a headline is the fastest way to know when to click NEXT! How about this one?
NO GAMES, and DRAMA FREE…
Ummmm.. next. If she has to mention game playing and drama, it means that it’s been a big part of her life. People only write about things that are important to them.
Another tip when browsing profiles – beware of “No Answer”s. They can be easy to miss and sometimes they’re in very important dealbreaker areas. For example, I didn’t want to date men who already had children from a previous relationship. Divorced was fine, but no kids. That was a dealbreaker for me. Someone I dated had a “No Answer” under “Have kids” and I totally missed it. The happy ending to that story is that we’re still good friends. All’s well that ends well?
Now, don’t feel like your bubble has been burst. There are some great profiles and great people out there. Read between the lines, watch out for red flags and avoid them when possible. Remember, your match is more than just a pretty face. She’s your match, on all levels. When you find her, you’ll be glad you spent all this time searching for the right one.
Need help? Click here for information on having me write your dating profile. Say what you MEAN to say and get the attention you deserve!