Why Aren’t the Women Beating Down Your Door?

An otherwise lame article in the Los Angeles Chronicle had one good nugget of information that I wanted to blog about for you, my geeky readers. (The article proved especially lame when the author’s blog was pimping a video that tells you how to get “398 women in 4 years” and “online booty calls”. Blech.)

A lot of guys that try online dating will give up within 3 months (something like 97%) due to lack of results. The reason being is that they are doing it all wrong and failing big time. Your profile needs to be really good to attract attention; otherwise you become just another fish in the sea. So how do we fix that? Answer: EDUCATION.


Most men will throw together a profile in ten minutes. They’ll toss up one or two pictures, sometimes the first two they find when browsing their hard drive. They’ll vomit up whatever words come to mind about to write the minimum amount of characters for each section of the written profile. (You would be shocked at how many guys REFERENCE the minimum character count in their profile just to eat up more characters!!)

Then they sit back and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Then they cancel their subscription because women weren’t beating down their door. But why would they with a profile like that?

Like everything in life, you only get what you give. If you put effort into creating a great profile, posting appropriate and flattering pictures, and contacting women through email, then you will get the attention you deserve.

Let’s assume for this post that you have a healthy profile with no red flags. It’s well-written and portrays you in your best light. You have a few good pictures. Now what?

Search for women that interest you. When you find one, do not press the wink button!! Winks are for wimps. Winks send the message, “I think you’re cute, but not interesting enough to spend a minute writing you an email. If you wink back, then maybe I’ll take the time.

Take the time to send an email. It should only be a few lines long, enough to catch her attention and entice her to write you back. Let’s say you find a beautiful girl with a great smile who loves baseball.

Here’s what NOT to write:

Subject: You are beautiful!
Message: Wow, you are so pretty, I just had to write you. Your smile is great! I am 32, work in computers, and like to go hiking on weekends. I’m looking for a girl who is smart, pretty, and has a good career. Write back if you’re interested. Thanks!

What this says: “I didn’t read your profile. I saw your picture and clicked the email button. All I care about is that you’re pretty hot. I’ve pasted some of my profile into this email to make it longer. I’m sending every hot girl the same email.”

That’s not the message you wanted to send this cutie, is it? I didn’t think so.

Try this instead:

Subject: Red Sox or Yankees?
Message: I like baseball too, but mostly for the fun of being out with friends. I don’t lose sleep over who wins or loses. Your great smile caught my eye, but when I read your story about how you and your friends are part of Big Brothers/Big Sisters and take your Little Sisters to baseball games, you made me smile. How long have you been part of that program? I look forward to talking to you soon. Have a great day!

What this says: I read the the content of your profile and even though I think you are pretty, I would enjoy talking with you because of the things you DO rather than what you look like.

A good email does three things:
1) Has an eye-catching subject line related to something she likes.
2) Makes references to her profile so she knows that you have read it in detail.
3) Ends with a question that entices her to write more about herself.

If you’re actively “on the hunt” for dates, make it a goal to send at least one email per day. Once you take an active part in your online dating, you’ll begin to see much better results. Slow and steady wins the race – but only if you’re on the right track!

Happy dating, geek friends.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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