Personal Ad Makeover: Lee (BEFORE)

It's all about image, baby!We have our first Geek’s Dream Girl personal ad contest winner, Lee!

Congrats, Lee!

Not only do you get to have a brand spankin’ new, professionally written personal ad for free, but you get to teach all other geek men a lesson on how to spiff up their profiles to get more action!

Let’s get started, shall we? Grab your pencils and take notes, boys! (Yes, graph paper is fine if that’s all you have handy.)

BEFORE:

Headline: Nice geek seeks cute dork.

I am an optimistic person. I always try to find the good in things and in people. I am very laid-back and easy-going. It takes a lot to get me mad. I can laugh at myself. I am easily amused. I love to smirk and laugh. I am dependable. I am punctual, loyal, trustworthy, and truthful. I am also very trusting which has been my downfall sometimes but that’s who I am. I am a geek. I love to read. Especially fantasy and science fiction. I also like computers and roleplaying games. I am very healthy. I love to cook. I would rather cook than eat out most of the time. I eat healthy. I exercise every day. I play softball for my work and am looking to join other sports. I take care of my body. I do not smoke and do not drink very much if at all. I am independent. I have my own house, truck, and live alone. I take care of myself and my two cats. I am clean and organized. I am a country person. I like camping, fishing, hiking, etc. I love the rain.

INITIAL THOUGHTS

  • Lee, Lee, Lee. You seem like a very nice guy, but three sentences into your profile, I am utterly annoyed and turned off by your repeated use of the word “I”. There are 28 and that’s just in the main profile area. There are 8 more in the sidebar.
  • Related to the “I, I, I” issue is the repetitive sentence structure. When we went to grammar school, we were told that:

    “A sentence has a subject, a verb and an object.”

    However, wouldn’t it be terribly boring if everything we read was subject-verb-object, subject-verb-object, subject-verb-object? Same goes for laundry lists of adjectives. Boring. Remember “Show and Tell” from Kindergarten? The best part was the showing, not the telling. Same here.

  • The only red flag to be found is this phrase – “I am also very trusting which has been my downfall sometimes” – and it’s definitely got to come out. To good girls, it screams, “Stay away – I’ve been burned!!” and to bad girls it screams, “Come take advantage of me!” Either way, it’s not good for you.
  • …and last but certainly not least, Lee, you aren’t giving girls any way of knowing if they’re the one for you. Are they geeky enough? Do they have to love fishing? We girlies are woefully unsure of whether you’d like us… or (worse), if you just want ANYTHING female.

Stay tuned tomorrow…. see how I transform Lee’s profile into one that shows him in his best light and will hopefully get him the attention he deserves!

UPDATELee’s After Profile

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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