Personal Ad Makeover: Lee (AFTER)
Here’s Lee, folks. He’s a nice 25-year old guy in Tennessee who is looking for a sweet girl to call his own. Up until recently, Lee’s profile was not working for him.
In a previous post, we reviewed what was holding Lee back in terms of his profile - I, I, I, repetitive sentence structure, laundry lists, a red flag, and a total lack of description of his dream girl!
Well, those days are over! Here is the new Lee, not improved (he’s still the same guy!), but better marketed to highlight his strengths:
AFTER e.’s MAKEOVER:
Headline: Seeking sous-chef for quiche masterpiece.
Why go out to eat when you can have a wholesome home-cooked meal? You’ll find me conquering a mini-golf course, knocking down pins at the bowling alley, catching fish, working out, or watching a good game of hockey, but it’s rare to find me at a restaurant unless I’m with a group of friends. My mom taught me how to cook and it’s so satisfying to eat a meal that I have prepared myself from start to finish. I pride myself on my recipe for quiche - not only is it fun to make, it’s delicious!
My match might be found at the local bookstore, paddling a canoe down a river, or hitting some softballs out of the park. She’s passionate about her interests and curious about mine, so we’d always have plenty to talk about and learn from each other. Would you like to be my sous chef, co-chef, or taste tester? Send me an email and let’s create a culinary masterpiece together!
Lee’s new profile:
- A unique headline that will get clicked!
- Eliminates the I, I, I in favor of more varied sentences.
- Focuses on a few of Lee’s interests rather than a laundry list.
- Hints at his family values and his interest in healthy living.
- Gives a few things that his dream girl might enjoy - without being a checklist that would intimidate a potential date.
- Poses a question and invites emails - if you give her a question, she has an easy start to writing that first email!
Good luck, Lee! Let us know how your profile is working for you!
Want your own new and improved profile written by e? You can have one, too!
Loading ...
“Rowing” a canoe?
Agh!
Sorry, as a camping guy myself, that just grates. You can row a boat, but you paddle a canoe.
Thanks Graham. I knew I was missing a word
I haven’t been in a canoe since I was 12…. 
Huzzah for being more marketable! Thank you e
Hey, not too shabby. Could I just ask, why do people turn to online matching sites ever so often? Is it really that hard to go out and meet people? No, it’s not that I look down on the whole affair, just trying to understand it. Is it mostly due to distance? I mean I have 4 million people crammed on my island, which takes a lil over an hour to get from one end to the other, I usually have to beat people off with a stick.. (aye, that’s right, MY island.)
Have you seen the movie ‘Hitch’ - are you now the ‘Date Doctor’? :). Go the intertubes…
Ian - Lots of reasons, but I’ll list mine for ya:
1) I won’t date people at work.
Gotta hunt them in their natural habitat.
2) No one at my social activities interested me.
3) I love geek men, and where do geek men live? THE INTERNET, of course!
There are others, but I just woke up. I’ll think of them later
Gynexl - Hitch is on my “Really Should See This Eventually” list, along with 30,000 other movies.
I am not so much a Date Doctor as a Profile & Email Doctor. So many people ruin their chances to even GET a date… I figure if I start there, I’ll do the most good!
A huge improvement. Very good work, e. You should keep us posted on how this works out for Lee, women are going to love the cooking selling point.
Thanks!
I have high hopes for Lee, too.
You MUST see Hitch! It is one of my favorite movies
You will love it I promise!
@ Ian & E:
Why do people meet online instead of in person in big cities? Have you tried talking to strangers in a big city? School, work, and social hobbies - like craft or dance classes - are the best ways to go about meeting people because talking to strangers is readily accepted, but there’s only 24 hours in a day. Online matching is not too time-consuming, so it’s a great option for loveseekeers.
Ideally it’s a supplement to social gatherings and meetings, not a replacement.
That was my 2 cents.