Personal Ad Makeover: Lee (AFTER)

Heeeere's Lee, ladies!

Here’s Lee, folks. He’s a nice 25-year old guy in Tennessee who is looking for a sweet girl to call his own. Up until recently, Lee’s profile was not working for him.

In a previous post, we reviewed what was holding Lee back in terms of his profile – I, I, I, repetitive sentence structure, laundry lists, a red flag, and a total lack of description of his dream girl!

Well, those days are over! Here is the new Lee, not improved (he’s still the same guy!), but better marketed to highlight his strengths:

AFTER e.’s MAKEOVER:

Headline: Seeking sous-chef for quiche masterpiece.

Why go out to eat when you can have a wholesome home-cooked meal? You’ll find me conquering a mini-golf course, knocking down pins at the bowling alley, catching fish, working out, or watching a good game of hockey, but it’s rare to find me at a restaurant unless I’m with a group of friends. My mom taught me how to cook and it’s so satisfying to eat a meal that I have prepared myself from start to finish. I pride myself on my recipe for quiche – not only is it fun to make, it’s delicious!

My match might be found at the local bookstore, paddling a canoe down a river, or hitting some softballs out of the park. She’s passionate about her interests and curious about mine, so we’d always have plenty to talk about and learn from each other. Would you like to be my sous chef, co-chef, or taste tester? Send me an email and let’s create a culinary masterpiece together!

Lee’s new profile:

  • A unique headline that will get clicked!
  • Eliminates the I, I, I in favor of more varied sentences.
  • Focuses on a few of Lee’s interests rather than a laundry list.
  • Hints at his family values and his interest in healthy living.
  • Gives a few things that his dream girl might enjoy – without being a checklist that would intimidate a potential date.
  • Poses a question and invites emails – if you give her a question, she has an easy start to writing that first email!

Good luck, Lee! Let us know how your profile is working for you!

Want your own new and improved profile written by e? You can have one, too!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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