You’ve followed all of my advice. You spiffed up your profile, you have good pictures posted, you’ve got your Custom Searches made, you’ve been spending 15 Smart Minutes a day reading profiles and writing emails, and what do you have to show for it?
Nada.
What gives? Here are the Top 10 reasons why she hasn’t responded to your email:
10. She doesn’t have a paid account.
- Seriously, there are a lot of girls who post a profile but don’t have paid accounts, so while they can see they have an email, they can’t read it.
9. She’s totally forgotten she has a match.com account or her life is hectic at the moment.
- You can check on her profile page to see when she last logged in. If it’s been more than two weeks, make a note of her username and check later to see if she’s returned.
8. She’s semi-seriously dating someone.
- It’s not so serious that she’d take the profile down, but serious enough that she’s taking a break from checking her email.
7. You clearly did not read her profile because your lifestyles clash.
- You work from 10 pm to 5 am, she works from 2 pm to 10 pm. You won’t even get to sleep at the same time!
- Your idea of a great time is white water rafting and she is the kind of girl who never gets her hair wet unless she’s in the shower.
6. Your email fast-forwarded to the future.
- Girls don’t want a marriage proposal in the first email, nor do they want to hear about the beautiful babies you would make together.
5. Your email implies that the only thing interesting about her is the fact that she is hot.
- Do we like compliments? Yes. Do we like being told we’re beautiful? Certainly! Is it creepy when we get emails that say, “U R hot. Email me.“? Yes.
- Instead of going that route, find something specific to compliment her about (beautiful hair, bright eyes, friendly smile), and then move on to talking about things she DOES, rather than is.
4. You have no pictures posted. Or, after viewing your pictures, she’s decided that you’re not her type.
- Take down the “myspace self-portraits” and the pictures of you with alcoholic drinks, other women, or your car.
- Clean up nice and have a friend snap some pictures of you in good lighting. One good picture is better than 6 mediocre ones.
3. You embody one of her deal-breakers.
- She is interested in men 25-35 and you are “a young 52.”
- She only wants to date other Christians and you are an atheist.
- You have two kids from a previous relationship and she doesn’t want children.
2. You sent the same cut-n-paste email to every girl and it’s THAT obvious.
- We can tell, you know. We can also tell when you use the same cut-n-paste email, but you paste in a few different words like an online dating email MadLib. Get creative and show us you really WANT to get to know us, will ya?
1. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t like you, but she doesn’t.
- Girls are picky. Sorry!
Got a great profile and getting lots of initial contact but no lasting relationships? Why not hire a Geek Girl to perch on your shoulder and help you take those winks to the next level?
About e
Well I’m someone that’s been around this dating circuit a few times. I’ve met a few girls from an online dating service and have had some very successful dates that mostly turned into unsuccessful but pleasant relationships.
One thing I’m good at is getting the “foot in the door”, so to speak, so I thought I’d take a look at these tips.
7. You clearly did not read her profile because your lifestyles clash.
Whereas you definitely need to be able to spend time together I think many guys relate shared interests too closely to “made for eachother”. I know I used to think the same, always looking for the girl that was into the exact same hobbies, films and music as me. To me, shared interests are an absolute bonus and nothing more.
I’ve met geeky musician girls that I’ve tried to force myself to like but we simlpy haven’t clicked, and on the other hand I’ve met girls that have never heard of an RPG and listen to terrible music that have been a blast.
Sure it’s nice to be able to be with a girl who you can crack a GURPS joke to or something but what’s important is that you’re two people who are interested in eachother. I have no problem talking to non-gamer girls about gaming I’ve done as long as I focus on what I enjoy about it and how it makes me feel.
These people love hearing about how you and a bunch of friends were really getting into this horror game around a dimly lit table and suddenly there was a power cut, causing your huge tough-guy friend to scream like a girl. They love to hear about how when you play with this one guy you just laugh and laugh till you’re in tears. However, they don’t want to know about how you think the D&D grapple rules suck or that Bards are totally underpowered.
The one thing our hobbies all have in common is that they make us feel good and that’s how you’re going to win over that girl who thinks D&D is strictly for antisocial teens.
5. Your email implies that the only thing interesting about her is the fact that she is hot.
Too true. Sure it’s rare that we guys get a message complimenting us on our looks straight off, and when we do it’s usually from some sort of scam to steal our passports. But the few times it does happen it’s completely offputting, especially if that’s all you’ve got to offer. Remember, if you think she’s hot the next ten guys in line probably think the same and are going to end up saying it too. You’re not demonstrating anything about yourself.
If you want to compliment her go for specifics, like e said. However, in my experience you want to take it another step away from “you’re hot”. Tell her you like her outfit or an accessory or tell her that you like the way her hair is styled in one photo. These are the things that women put effort into and they’ll appreciate the compliment so much more. I have a friend from an old job who’s a really stunning girl with very striking eyes, there’s not a person in the world that wouldn’t pick them out as being her best feature. A few weeks ago she was showing me some (very poser-style) pictures on her MySpace and I see that there’s a flood of comments below essentially saying “wow, you have great eyes”. Do you want to be in that pile of guys or do you want to be the one guy that said he liked thought her necklace was cool?
4. You have no pictures posted. Or, after viewing your pictures, she’s decided that you’re not her type.
In addition to e’s good advice never underestimate how reassuring it is to see a picture of someone with other people. Sure, have that nice portrait picture of yourself but throw in one with you and a bunch of friends laughing and having fun. If you’re fun enough for all those people you’re fun enough for her.
1. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t like you, but she doesn’t.
* Girls are picky. Sorry!
Girls are picky, that’s very true. How do we get around that? Present yourself in the best possible way using all the advice on this page and put yourself out there.
Good Luck everyone.