Positive Self-Deception or Cocky? It’s a fine line.

Yep, I'm pretty hot.There’s a blog that I read partly for humor value and partly for the semi-smart advice it offers. Approach Anxiety is written for men who are anxious around women, specifically “hot” women.

(I dunno about you, but “hot” to me becomes more of a function of intelligence and personality the older I get.)

Either way, while poking around, I found this article and just had to write about it. (Warning: The title of this article has a NSFW word in it. For purposes of this site, I will substitute it with the words “sexually crit”.)

Eric of Approach Anxiety’s motto is:

Women want to sexually crit me everywhere I go.

Is this a good motto to have? Maybe yes, maybe no. Is the psychology behind the motto valid? For sure, and I have used it in my classroom to build confidence in my music students.

How do I use this mind trick with my students? A lot of student musicians have the skills, but lack the confidence to play up to their potential. I have my students close their eyes and imagine that they are in a professional ensemble. Mentally, we go through what the performance would look like and sound like as world-class professionals. When we are done, we play and the sound that comes out of the group is much better – confident, assured, and most importantly, musical!

How many times when browsing profiles on match.com have you passed by a profile of a person who seemed like a great match because you said to yourself, “She’s too hot. She’d never like someone like me.” I can say that I have been guilty of it on occasion.


Did you realize that you passed by a possible match because of something you assumed the person would think?

So Eric started to repeat his mantra:

Women want to sexually crit me everywhere I go.

Women want to sexually crit me everywhere I go.

Women want to sexually crit me everywhere I go.

And what do you know, he started exuding more confidence, which made more women attracted to him.

Instead of questioning if women liked me, I was questioning whether they were good enough for me.

This is a good attitude to have, if you can keep it in check. The danger in this attitude is when it goes too far and instead of exuding confidence, you reek of cockiness. Nobody likes a cocky guy. It’s probably one of the biggest turn-offs.

Think of it like using cologne: a little bit goes a long way. Too much makes people want to be a long way away from you. Use sparingly for best results.

So, a sprinkling of self-deception does a geek good. You are sexy, you are smart, you are Geek. Women want to sexually crit you wherever you go! Get out there and roll for initiative. +10 for repeating your mantra before you roll.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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