Live from match.com… here I am with another update on what NOT to do with your dating profile.
My goal is to make YOU, my boys, better than the herd. If your profile stands out for its quality, you’ll get the girl! If it stands out for its hilarity, you’ll be alone with your dice and Dew.
I’m taking some text and pics from a poor, unknowing soul named Jonathan. If he actually manages to find me here talking about him, I will re-write his profile for free.
Step One: Never post a picture that makes you look like you’re part of the Village People.
Let’s look at what Jonathan has to say about himself:
I’m looking for a woman whose heart is as open as her mind is. Must share the following: a passion for music, the ability to find extraordinary in the ordinary, and a faith in that which binds all things. Also must have a devotion to family with a desire to eventually create one of her own. I am incredibly drawn to intelligent minds that remain fascinated and curious, a sense of style established through creativity, and an adventurous disposition within a responsible person. I’d like for things to start out simple and grow from there; I’m not expecting to know if you are “the one” right away.
This, my geek friends, is what we call OVERLOAD. There’s some great information here, but you’d be hard pressed to find a geek girl who, after a long day at work, is patient enough to wade through it all. Even if she does, she’ll be too exhausted trying to make sense of it to reply.
As for me, I’m a creative yet driven, introspective yet friendly, intelligent yet spiritual, confident yet empathic, deep yet playful, cultured yet geeky, refined yet accessible, experienced yet curious, 28 year old boy who finds joy in the simplest things.
Sometimes, you can beat a good sentence structure. Sometimes, you can kill a good thing. Sometimes, you can piss people off. Sometimes, you can kiss the girl goodbye. Sometimes, you can assume she’s left your profile for greener pastures.
I sometimes get very silly and act like I am 5 years old. I enjoy the comfort of the familiar yet I’m open to new experiences. I love adventures. I’ll eat almost anything. I’m always up for shows (be it indie rock, symphony, theater, or opera). I love the outdoors and I scuba/hike/camp whenever given the opportunity (I’m actually planning my 3rd trip to Hawaii where I intend to scuba dive, hike, and camp the entire trip). Dancing and drinks downtown are also a great pastime of mine. I enjoy house parties, dinner parties, cocktail parties, and board game parties. All that said, I love lazy nights at home listening to music, watching movies, or working on creative projects.
I am extremely passionate about all things I take an interest in, which is nearly everything. I love: music, art, culture, technology, cars, fashion, food, coffee, wine, beer, nature, learning, video games, and the unknown. I explore new things whenever they are presented to me and I tend to add a new interest/hobby a couple times a year.
These paragraphs just REEK of keyword baiting. Guys, I know you want to find a girl and I know you want to be sure that if she searches for even ONE of your many interests, that she’ll see your profile.
However, paragraphs like these are not only boring to read, but they scream, “I’m desperate – do you like even ONE of these things? I’ll take you!”
Oh yeah, and I can sometimes be quite verbose.
No… you don’t say? No wait, you DID say, and you wasted more word count on it. Double whammy.
Verbosity is not your friend in an online dating profile. You can show off your intelligence without alienating your audience. Not sure how to do that? I’ll be glad to help you!