Mistakes Geeks Make in Online Dating Profiles: Verbosity!
Live from match.com… here I am with another update on what NOT to do with your dating profile.
My goal is to make YOU, my boys, better than the herd. If your profile stands out for its quality, you’ll get the girl! If it stands out for its hilarity, you’ll be alone with your dice and Dew.
I’m taking some text and pics from a poor, unknowing soul named Jonathan. If he actually manages to find me here talking about him, I will re-write his profile for free.
Step One: Never post a picture that makes you look like you’re part of the Village People.
Let’s look at what Jonathan has to say about himself:
I’m looking for a woman whose heart is as open as her mind is. Must share the following: a passion for music, the ability to find extraordinary in the ordinary, and a faith in that which binds all things. Also must have a devotion to family with a desire to eventually create one of her own. I am incredibly drawn to intelligent minds that remain fascinated and curious, a sense of style established through creativity, and an adventurous disposition within a responsible person. I’d like for things to start out simple and grow from there; I’m not expecting to know if you are “the one” right away.
This, my geek friends, is what we call OVERLOAD. There’s some great information here, but you’d be hard pressed to find a geek girl who, after a long day at work, is patient enough to wade through it all. Even if she does, she’ll be too exhausted trying to make sense of it to reply.
As for me, I’m a creative yet driven, introspective yet friendly, intelligent yet spiritual, confident yet empathic, deep yet playful, cultured yet geeky, refined yet accessible, experienced yet curious, 28 year old boy who finds joy in the simplest things.
Sometimes, you can beat a good sentence structure. Sometimes, you can kill a good thing. Sometimes, you can piss people off. Sometimes, you can kiss the girl goodbye. Sometimes, you can assume she’s left your profile for greener pastures.
I sometimes get very silly and act like I am 5 years old. I enjoy the comfort of the familiar yet I’m open to new experiences. I love adventures. I’ll eat almost anything. I’m always up for shows (be it indie rock, symphony, theater, or opera). I love the outdoors and I scuba/hike/camp whenever given the opportunity (I’m actually planning my 3rd trip to Hawaii where I intend to scuba dive, hike, and camp the entire trip). Dancing and drinks downtown are also a great pastime of mine. I enjoy house parties, dinner parties, cocktail parties, and board game parties. All that said, I love lazy nights at home listening to music, watching movies, or working on creative projects.
I am extremely passionate about all things I take an interest in, which is nearly everything. I love: music, art, culture, technology, cars, fashion, food, coffee, wine, beer, nature, learning, video games, and the unknown. I explore new things whenever they are presented to me and I tend to add a new interest/hobby a couple times a year.
These paragraphs just REEK of keyword baiting. Guys, I know you want to find a girl and I know you want to be sure that if she searches for even ONE of your many interests, that she’ll see your profile.
However, paragraphs like these are not only boring to read, but they scream, “I’m desperate - do you like even ONE of these things? I’ll take you!”
Oh yeah, and I can sometimes be quite verbose.
No… you don’t say? No wait, you DID say, and you wasted more word count on it. Double whammy.
In conclusion…
Verbosity is not your friend in an online dating profile. You can show off your intelligence without alienating your audience. Not sure how to do that? I’ll be glad to help you!
If you feel you’d like the eHarmony approach (without the eHarmony rejection!!) try match.com’s Chemistry service for help finding the match that’s best for you:
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Here’s my impression, and since I’m a girl I think I’m qualified…
(ahem)
At first glance when I saw the pics at the top, I hate to say this, but I thought,”Yep, he’s gay.” Don’t ask me why I thought it, but I’ve hung around enough gay guys, and been to enough gay bars, that let’s just say I swear my gaydar went off. If, and I do say IF, I was to look at those pictures and not have had that first impression, then my other impression would have been,”This dude likes to party-ALOT!” Is it me, or does it seem like every picture he looks like he’s either on his way to getting drunk or he’s already there? Now, if I was to go off of that assumption, sorry guy, not my type. (Also notice he lists four different types of parties, all of which I’m sure there’s alcohol present.) I like to go out and party every once in a while, but I’ve been with an alcoholic before, so thanks but no thanks. I would have settled for one nice solid picture. The only closeups of his face he’s got his eyes closed, and I love a guy with gorgeous eyes. I can’t see his. Well, not on the example set above anyway. I would have liked to have seen a nice picture where he doesn’t appear to be tanked.
That being said, on to the rest of it. I think it’s too daunting. I definitely agree with you that who wants to read all that? It’s nice to get a clear view of a person’s personality/likes/dislikes, but wow was that way too much. The one paragraph with all the yets in it I wanted to skip over entirely by the time I got to the third yet, but I was trying to give it a fair shake. By the time I got to the bottom, my eyes had glazed over and I didn’t care anymore. What also threw me was when he referred to himself as a “28 year old boy”. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I wasn’t attached, I’d be looking for a man, not a boy. I don’t mind a guy that can have boyish qualities. If in moderation can be quite cute and endearing, but when it comes down to it a girl needs stability. A guy that’s gonna stand up beside her when things get hard and not turn into a little pouty baby when he doesn’t get his way. This guy kinda sounds like one of those types. I also red flagged it because he listed so many specific things that he wants in a woman. To me that means one of two things: Either he’s way too frigging picky and that’s why he hasn’t been able to find a girl yet OR as you said, he’s DESPERATE. Desperate ads like that always send me the vibe of being the clingy, whiny, momma’s boys types. Although, some girls may like that, but I for one don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I do love sensitive guys. My hubby-to-be (and fellow geek) has the heart of a poet, but he’s also my Rock of Gibraltar when I need him to be.
This guy could be a wonderful catch for all I know, but he definitely needs to work on his ad. Otherwise, I don’t think he’s going to end up with the kind of girl he’s looking for.
How do you think this applies when creating a group profile on a site like Ignighter? I’ve got a dating group on http://www.ignighter.com, do you have any tips for writing our profile?
Tala - I’m with you. He’s either a party boy or desperate to come off as “fun” to mask his inner geekiness. BTW, I cut out significant amounts of that profile. There was about 60% more!
Craig - That’s an interesting site. I’ve never seen it before, but it seems like a neat concept. I’d stick with the same basic rules of writing a single-person profile.
Short, sweet, smart.
Hi E.
This article brought up a question, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only guy out there who does this. Well, at least I hope not.
Anyway, whenever I try to write anything about myself, I find it hard to put down direct positive facts. It’s not entirely a self-esteem issue, it just seems that anytime I proof something positive about myself, it comes off as exceedingly arrogant, and I cut it.
So…any short and sweet advice for us geek guys who want to sell ourselves but are too concerned about coming off as an incarnation of bloated hubris?
Nick,
I’ll tackle that one tomorrow!