Personal Ad Makeover: Tom (after)

hugtreeTom’s profile was a model of verbosity in action… or rather, inaction! What girl is going to wade through the novel and after seeing a half-dozen red flags, want to email him?

Tom is a great guy, a single dad with a beautiful daughter. He’s got a career, hobbies, passions, a good physique, and he doesn’t live in his mother’s basement. With so much going for him, Tom should be getting dates!

However, Tom’s long and winding road of a profile was turning women off before they could get to the good stuff. But never fear, this April contest winner will have a much better profile now, courtesy of Geek’s Dream Girl!

After e’s Makeover:

Headline: Life is best viewed from the front row

I try to live my life like famed distance runner Steve Prefontaine: leading from the front, fearlessly. I don’t always succeed, but trying is just as important. A non-conformist that works in management, I am one of the few Americans that does not consider “bureaucrat” to be a nasty word. If our society’s best and brightest work to improve government services, then we all benefit. When I’m not working, I grab a drink at Starbucks and wander the aisles of the nearest bookstore. On weekends when my daughter is home, you’ll find us in the children’s section looking at Dr. Seuss and Berenstain Bears books. For a four year old, she has great taste in literature!

The lady of my dreams might bump into me in the aisles of Barnes & Noble, while she picks out a good book… or maybe a DVD? Just to warn you – I tear up watching The Natural or You’ve Got Mail, but we can both pretend there’s something in my eye. I have been dying for an excuse to get out more. Tapping my toes to live jazz or seeing some local theater productions would make me a happy man. Would you accompany me sometime?

Tom’s New Profile:

  • A unique headline that will get clicked!
  • No more verbosity! The entire profile reads in less than a minute.
  • Has unique facts that make Tom… Tom!
  • Shows that he is a loving single father and maintains his own interests as well. (This is important – there are childless women who will date single fathers, but they need to know that he has a life in addition to his kids.)
  • Gives the girl a few things that she might share with him – books, sappy movies (girls are ALWAYS complaining that their guys won’t watch chick flicks!), jazz music, live theater, parenting.
  • Poses a question and invites emails – if you give her a question, she has an easy start to writing that first email!

Good luck, Tom! Let us know how your profile is working for you!

Want your own new and improved profile written by e? You can have one, too!

Match.com

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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