A Goldfish Named “Fair”: Why Online Dating Is “Unfair” For Men and Why You Should Get Over It
I have heard a lot of men complain that online dating is not fair. “Why do I have to always be the one to initiate contact? Why do girls always wink at me and then leave me to be the one to email them? Why don’t girls contact me?“
It reminds me of a poem I once saw behind the desk of a teacher:
FAIR
Life is not fair.
If you want “fair”,
buy a goldfish and name it Fair.
Then you can point at it and say,
“That’s Fair!”
I know, lame. For some reason, I’ve remembered it for years, tho. (It saddens me that there are more important things that I’ve forgotten!) Either way, it sort of makes a good point.
Life isn’t fair.
Life, and online dating, is what you make of it. Guys, the facts of life are that girls want to feel like they are wanted. For that to happen, you need to approach them. So skip the wink button (leave it for the ladies!) and send that first email. Make her feel that she was so special that you just had to email her - you couldn’t let someone that awesome slip by.
If she winks at you, it means she’d like you to email her. Either she was too busy to email you or was too shy (maybe she thinks you’re too good for her!). Does it suck that she gets to press one button and you have to compose a witty and enticing email? Yes. But if the end result is you getting a date, is life all that unfair?
Happy dating, geek friends.
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I was talking to someone about this just the other day. I think we’ve all been through the phase where we complain that girls should make the first move as often as guys, but that just isn’t how things work.
The sooner you embrace the whole weird ritual the sooner it stops being weird and you can start having fun!
Exactly, Forte.
“If she winks at you, it means she’d like you to email her. Either she was too busy to email you or was too shy (maybe she thinks you’re too good for her!)…”
e-
I do find the winking/emailing behavior on Match to be interesting. I have noticed a definite pattern, supported by your points above. It seems that the notion of ‘men pursue women, and not vice-versa’ has carried into the online world, which I find surprising. I guess the electronic wink replaces a hair flip, or come-hither glance? I wonder if that is reflecting a gender preference for behavior, societal norms, or something else? I dunno!
In any case, it is pretty easy to accomodate. I presume odds of success on an email to a former wink-er from a wink-ee are much greater than a blind email. Especially if most women get 30+ replies in two hours, like in your craigslist experiment! That is totally eye-opening! I guess great, catchy subject lines in email are pretty important with those kind of odds!
Tom,
You indeed have the upper hand on email if she winks at you first. You can always wink AND email.
Guys should never just wink, tho. It implies you’re not self-confident enough to email.
Hey e,
What would you do with this personal? http://craigslistblog.wordpress.com/2008/05/07/seeking-girl-who-likes-dungeons-and-dragons/
Propagandroid,
Whose is it?
e,
I can’t tell, it looks like the site is either posting amusing Craig’s List ads, or making up fake ones. I was just posting it for the amusement of your readers.
It was definitely interesting… hehe…