A Goldfish Named “Fair”: Why Online Dating Is “Unfair” For Men and Why You Should Get Over It

I have heard a lot of men complain that online dating is not fair.  “Why do I have to always be the one to initiate contact?  Why do girls always wink at me and then leave me to be the one to email them?  Why don’t girls contact me?

It reminds me of a poem I once saw behind the desk of a teacher:


Life is not fair.

If you want “fair”,

buy a goldfish and name it Fair.

Then you can point at it and say,

“That’s Fair!”

I know, lame.   For some reason, I’ve remembered it for years, tho.  (It saddens me that there are more important things that I’ve forgotten!)  Either way, it sort of makes a good point.

Life isn’t fair.

Life, and online dating, is what you make of it.   Guys, the facts of life are that girls want to feel like they are wanted.   For that to happen, you need to approach them.  So skip the wink button (leave it for the ladies!) and send that first email.  Make her feel that she was so special that you just had to email her – you couldn’t let someone that awesome slip by.

If she winks at you, it means she’d like you to email her.  Either she was too busy to email you or was too shy (maybe she thinks you’re too good for her!).   Does it suck that she gets to press one button and you have to compose a witty and enticing email?  Yes.   But if the end result is you getting a date, is life all that unfair?

Happy dating, geek friends.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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