Secret Agent Man: How to Survive Online Dating without a Profile Picture
So you have a high profile job.
Or you are shy.
Or unphotogenic.
Or you’re a spy for the government.
Or you’re an undercover cop.
Or you feel that online dating is a meat market and a “Real Woman” would choose a future mate based on his profile rather than his picture.
Either way, you don’t have one posted on your dating profile.
And what do you know? You’re getting little to no bites. No winks, no emails, no love. What’s a guy to do?
Surviving Online Dating without a Profile Picture
#1 Have a damn good profile.
It has to be twice as good as those guys with photos. I wish I could say this isn’t true, but it is.
#2 You are excused from writing a catchy headline.
Your catchy headline must be, “I have pictures, will email!” or something to that effect. This gives the girls a reason to read your damn good profile. Otherwise, they will just move on.
#3 DO NOT write excuses about why you don’t have a photo posted.
Nothing turns a girl off like a profile full of excuses. Ew. If your profile is a damn good profile, we will email you.
On the other hand…. boasting about how you’re an undercover police officer or a “very important member of the District Attorney’s office” only makes us think you have a big, big, big…. HEAD. Just be normal.
If you are in fact an undercover cop or a bigwig with the DA, you can tell us about it later. Stick to the same type of stuff you’d write if you DID have a picture. “I work in law enforcement and just last week gave a ticket to a 95 year old man who was driving 95 mph!” or “Working in law is fascinating because every day is a new challenge.”
#4 Write a short description of yourself in the body of your profile.
Let’s face it, we’re scared that you might look like Jabba the Hut, or be missing half your face, or something else tragically unattractive. (Sorry!)
A little blurb goes a long way: “I am tall and lean with blue eyes and hair that’s either red or blond depending on the light.”
#5 More than the average guy, you will have to make the first moves.
This goes the same for girls with no profile pictures (I went several months with none myself). You have to be the one who writes those initial emails. (Remember, winks are for wimps!) When you write the initial email, let her know that you have several pictures available and will show them to her if she is interested.
Having no profile picture certainly makes online dating a little harder, but definitely not impossible! Don’t forget, that “damn good profile” is only a geek girl away! I’m happy to help.
Also, those concerned with privacy should really check out Match.com’s Chemistry service. This service pairs you up with compatible matches and only they can check out your profile. Perfect for you Secret Agent Men!
E. Foley is a geek girl extraordinaire. She writes great online dating profiles for geeks and non-geeks, helping clients all over the world find love. She is the National Online Dating Examiner, columnist at Dating Sites Reviews, and a ghostwriter for several other dating & relationships sites. She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame and her two adorable cats, Mr. Peanut and Don Juan. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)
If you truly value your privacy then consider Sparkbliss.
After feeble attempts to use popular online dating sites, it became clear my chance of finding meaningful companionship would have to come from somewhere else. Rather than lose hope and give up, I decided to create and launch Sparkbliss. It offers a private and safe approach to online dating that leverages what has always been the best way to meet people – introductions from your circle of friends. In fact “63% of married couples met through a network of friends” according to a recent Temple University study.
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Joel,
It seems like a good concept, but isn’t it kind of like that “Friends & Family” phone plan deal…? You’d have to get a bunch of friends to all sign up before it would be worth it. It’s cool if you have a large circle of friends, but not sure how well it would work for those whose friends are mostly married and not interested in a membership on a dating site.
A warning about Chemistry.com:
Privacy is cool and all, but the site can be a ripoff.
I signed up for a three month membership earlier this year. The site is supposed to show you up to 10 possible matches every day, but I think it showed me 10 total over a three month span. And I bet that only one or two were paid subscribers that could actually respond to my communications.
I’m sure that other folks might have more success, but there are a lot of factors that can limit the number of people on that site:
1) It costs almost twice as much as match.com. Given that non-paying customers can’t even see the profiles of folks who indicate interest in them (except by viewing the page source code), that serves to eliminate a lot of folks. They’ll still show up in your list of potential matches, of course.
2) I come from a smaller area (I estimate a population of 350,000 in my 50 mile search radius). If you’re not from a big city or willing to travel, you won’t get a lot of matches.
3) I’m gay, so fewer possibilities. Probably doesn’t apply to you, but if it does, watch out.
4) The site includes an algorithm that eliminates folks from your potential matches based on your past choices. Hypothetically, it will narrow the list down to folks whose personalities mesh with yours. In reality, it disqualifies the adventurous dreamer who might be perfect for you because you rejected another adventurous dreamer because of red flags unrelated to personality.
Again, straight folks in NYC probably won’t have the same problems I had, your mileage may vary, etc. But be aware–Unlike match.com, you can’t see how many members the site has in your area. If it doesn’t give you a full five-person list when you register, I’d find a different site.
Also, this might be a coincidence, but the timing on when my matches showed up was suspect. When I registered, the site showed me five or six profiles. But after I paid, that dwindled to nothing. Then, when my subscription was about to run out, It started showing me profiles again–forcing me to renew my subscription if I wanted to pursue a relationship with one of them. Pretty skeevy tactics if that was on purpose.