Mordenkainen’s Magical Moving Men?

MovingHave I mentioned I hate moving?  I really do.

The ONE thing I like about moving is the ability to purge one’s life of all the stuff that hasn’t been touched since the last move.

They just opened a Goodwill near my apartment, so I think I’ll be making several donation trips before I leave!

Either way, while avoiding doing actual work, I started daydreaming about how awesome it would be if I could do this move with some magical powers.

Mordenkainen’s Magical Moving Men

Summons 13 hunky moving men of various flavors, all shirtless.  They easily move all heavy furniture without breaking a sweat.  Unlike mortal men, Mordenkainen’s Magical Moving Men do not get cranky while moving.

Incantation of Sorting

Chanting the Incantation of Sorting will result in all of your small items in a room being sorted into the following categories:  Use Daily, Use Weekly, Use Monthly, Use Yearly, Haven’t Touched Since You Moved Except To Move Them Out of The Way.

Faeries of Dumpster Tripping

Once you have decided to purge your life of things in the latter category, the Faeries of Dumpster Tripping will magically transport said items to the nearest dumpster.

Truck of Excellent Transmission

Has anyone ever noticed how awful moving trucks are?   One of my previous moves, I had a UHAUL that would lurch repeatedly whenever you were stopped.  For once, I would like a truck that makes me feel like I won’t die before I reach my destination.

Teleportation!

Do you know how hard it is to apartment hunt when you can’t actually visit the apartments?  I am stalking the availability page for one townhouse community – very nice, but they rarely have one bedrooms available.   It would be so sweet to just wiggle my nose a la Samantha Stephens and appear in another city to visit for a few hours.   NOT TO MENTION how much this would help my love life!! (I miss you, my geek boy!)

Charm of Blissful Feline Slumber

Mr. P really hates car rides.  By really hate, I mean he protests vocally for the entire ride.  The Charm of Blissful Feline Slumber, when worn on the collar of a cat, provides said cat with a feeling of calm and relaxation, causing it to sleep peacefully for long rides in the Truck of Excellent Transmission.

Pixie of Notification

Summon the Pixie of Notification and she will telephone all of your major accounts – banks, insurance, credit cards, student loans, utilities, etc – and arrange for old accounts to be closed, new accounts to be opened, and mailing addresses to be updated.

Doppleganger of Errand Running

The Doppleganger of Errand Running does any work that requires you to be physically present to complete.  For example, the DoER can stand in the obnoxious lines at the DMV and get your drivers license.

Oh, if life were only this easy!!   In the meantime, locate me in my closet, digging through piles of junk I should probably throw away…

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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