Personal Ad Makeover: Alan (During)

Construction!Let’s take a deeper look at the profile of Alan, our GoGP (Geek of Gay Persuasion!).

He has a lot of great personality and great information, but I think he’s gone a TINY bit overboard and may be alienating guys who would love his personality.

You can be zany and not kooky. Or is it kooky but not zany?

Headline: Romance is Adventure.
My ideal date therefore includes a pirate attack.

This headline cracks me up, but I think it would be better in one sentence rather than two.

About Me and My Date:

I don’t like long walks along the beach.

Starting with a negative? Even though it is a joke, it’s just not a good place to start.

There’s so many more interesting things you can do there. You can play Frisbee. Fly a kite. Lie in the sun and read a good book. Build Sand castles. Dig for seashells. Dig for buried treasure. Dig a hole and bury your friends.

I see where you’re going, but my English Major Grammar Nazi side is saying, “OMG, what is with the capital S for sand castles? What’s up with the dig, dig, dig?”

You can long conversations about current events. Or sea monsters. Or the geological processes that caused the beach to form in the first place. Or one of those twisty-turny conversations that starts with some innocent topic like the weather, but then goes off on tangent after tangent and suddenly you’re yelling at the top of your lungs about how Winston Churchill could totally kick Darth Vader’s butt, and everyone else on the beach is staring at you.

The first sentence is missing a verb. You can _______ long conversations about current events. Mad Libs, anyone?

I love the reference to tangents leading to tangents and the idea of a Churchill/Vader battle intrigues me. This part has potential.

Or you could go for a swim. Or you could try to learn to surf, but never manage to catch a wave, accidentally swallow several gallons of seawater, and exclaim (with mock indignity) that you’ve never been so miserable (But then show up the next day, ready for another go).

Speaking from experience there?

Or the moon could be out, the stars could be shining, and you could be lying in the cool, wet sand with the man you love. You’d look deeply into his eyes, and he’d gaze into yours. Then you’d slowly lean forward, your lips coming together in a passionate kiss.

While this is all sweet and stuff, it’s a little too much erotica for a dating profile. Yes. I promise it is.

And then you’d giggle uncontrollably, because you got sand in your shorts.

Even with this at the end, the gazing and making out has to go. Talking about physical relationships in a profile sends a signal that you’re only into one thing. Save that talk for the actual date!

for fun:

Folks whose profiles say ‘No Games, No Drama’ might not get along with me–games and drama are my favorite hobbies. I love seeing movies or plays, and I love games of all kinds (Board Games, Card Games, Video Games, and Table-top role-playing).

This is one place where the “games/drama” red flag can work in your favor. This part works and will work even better once I tweak it.

my job:

I’m a cashier at a grocery store… For now.

I think there are better ways to say this (or perhaps not at all)? If your job is one you don’t plan on keeping long, it’s best not to mention it in the profile. Save it for the date conversation where you can fully discuss your career ambitions.

my education:

I have a BA in Theatre Arts from Cal Poly

Anything else you’d like to say about this? It’s fine as is, but sometimes it’s fun to elaborate.

favorite hot spots:

I’m not really a bar person. I’d much rather stay at home and drink with friends that go to some over-priced, over-crowded dive.

Don’t talk about what you don’t like to do. Always state things in the positive when possible.

As for restaurants, Denny’s is where it’s at. When you’re up at three AM, you don’t have a lot of choice.

What is it with geeks and late night/early morning trips to Dennys/IHOP/Perkins?

favorite things:

Raindrops on Roses.

Whiskers on a cat that isn’t even mine–it’s my roommates. But that doesn’t stop it from yowling outside my room at 6 in the morning. But it’s sweet, when it’s not being evil.

Brown paper packages with comic books inside.

This is the worst cliche in the online dating world. If I had a nickel for everybody who uses this “joke” in their profile, I wouldn’t need to run Adsense ads! *giggle* That aside, it’s never new or unique. It needs to be canned, and will be!

last read:

World War Z

It tells the tale of a world-wide zombie outbreak through interviews with the survivors.

It’s paints a picture of how societies behave in the worst of circumstances. It’s both depressing and uplifting.

Also, “BRAAAAAINS!!!!!!”

What’s a geek profile without zombies? I’ll see about integrating them in there somewhere.

Any more ideas about Alan’s profile? Post a comment below. His new and improved profile is coming soon!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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