Personal Ad Makeover: Alan (After)
You said it couldn’t be done - Alan had a funny and witty profile, how could it get even better?
Truth is, every profile can be improved.
Heck, even my own profile was a constant work in progress. I updated and changed my profile on an almost weekly basis when I was on the market searching for my geek boy.
So Alan’s profile is good - but now…
It’s geek-tastic!
Headline: How cool it would be if our date were crashed by pirates?
About Me and My Date:
Imagine if you will, a beautiful beach scene. But we’re not walking hand in hand, nope, that’s for boring people. We’re better than that. We’re playing Frisbee, flying a kite, having an epic sandcastle-building contest, or digging for long lost pirate treasures. We’re talking about current events, the geology of beaches, or arguing over who would win in a cage fight between Winston Churchill and Darth Vader. Everyone on the beach is staring at us, but don’t worry, it’s because they’re jealous!
I’m the type of guy who swallows gallons of seawater learning how to surf. I exclaim with mock indignity that I’ve never been so miserable, but then show up the next day, ready to do it all over again! Sucker for punishment or just tenacious? You decide! Let’s get together sometime - I can make an adventure out of the ordinary and would love to have someone along for the ride! Whether it’s pondering the Grand Slam at Denny’s at 2 a.m. or laughing hysterically with sand in our shorts at the beach, I’m up for it. Are you?
BONUS MATERIAL:
for fun:
I’m all about games and drama. Board games, card games, video games, and role-playing games are my favorites! Want to play? Or maybe you’re more of a fan of drama - let’s catch a play or movie!
my education:
My love of drama? Blame it on my Theater Arts degree from Cal Poly.
last read:
World War Z: The tale of a world-wide zombie outbreak (…braiiiins…), told through interviews with the survivors. It’s a picture of society’s reaction to the worst of circumstances that’s both depressing and uplifting.
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I have to say, while I like your content of the profile better, I liked Alan’s original headline better.
Except I’m not sure I want everyone on the beach staring at us, but maybe I’m just shy.
Kammy - thanks for the feedback. Headlines are the hardest thing for me. I like Alan’s too, so he’s welcome to use mine or his or a combination…
Definitely some good additions I think the best profile lies in a combination of the new and old material. Nice work, e.
I’m definitely keeping my old headline, for purely practical reasons: It displays well in search results.
The search page crops longer titles–In the search results, mine will simply display as ‘Romance is Adventure.’, While E’s cuts of halfway through the ‘if’.
As far as the profile itself, E’s is a huge improvement. It says everything that mine said in about half the space. It removes the red flags and negativity. And, the biggest improvement IMO, it replaces the ‘you’s with ‘we’s.
Also, is there a way to change my avatar?
Being a blue octagon is pretty cool, but I’m less thrilled to be dead.
Hahhaha… yes, there is. Go to gravatar.com and sign up for an account using the email address you use to post here. Those without gravatars get a randomly assigned wavatar, hence your dead octagon.
Alan brings up a very good point about headlines (which I WISH match.com would fix!!).
Always test your headline to see where it will cut off in the search results. Sometimes it’s in an awkward place, or worse yet, a place that implies a different ending than you’d EVER write.
There we go. Much better.
The Food Pyramid?
The Illuminati food pyramid.
Ah the good ol’ art of profile writing! Apparently these days you can even hire people to do it for you! I would definitely respond to this ad if I were, both male and single!
:-O
That’s just awesome!
Is interesting that you chose this profile E.
I have sent your link to some of my friends (that happened to be gay) and most of there response was “this is not for me, this site is build to help breeders.=/” so most don’t even bather to give it a second look. =P
I am suggesting to all my gay single friends to take a second look at the site now that you have don this Personal Ad Makeover.
Before I saw this Makeover I was going to suggest a piece to help the gay on-line dating community, to review some gay dating sites and give advice about gay geek love.=P
Loky,
Amen! Love is love and dating is dating regardless of orientation. I’ll even write profiles for girls!
Girls seeking guys, girls seeking girls… whatever! It’s all good!