Craigslist Experiment 3.0 – MILF Edition – The Hilarious

MILFThis ad went live at 8 pm and I pulled it off at 1:00 am. Here are the HILARIOUS (of The Good, The Bad, and the Hilarious):

Bachelor #26

I saw your profile on craigslist and i couldn’t pass it without droping you a line….Not only you have a lovely name but you also look lovely…. … i live in —- also but i am out of town most of the time .. my job consist of doing a lot of travel…drop me a line if you’d like if not.. i wish you the best you can dream of…. you look like a rose among the flowers.

God speed

A rose among the flowers?  Last I checked, a rose IS a flower.  So what you’re saying is that she looks just like all the other flowers?  Or somewhat different but still the same?

The moral of this story – don’t try to be poetic.  Please.

Bachelor #27

I have to compliment you, that is actually one of the best and down to earth ads I can recall ever reading.

Your going to get about 100 responses and because this is craigslists about 99.7% of them are going to be from jerks, Don’t get discouraged, I’m sure there are a few decent guys who you will find interesting. Hope you have luck, decent gals are hard to come by.

Again, I’m not sure if this is a sneaky way of saying “Email me” or if he’s trying to be genuinely helpful and nice.

Bachelor #28

Hello Linda,

I’ll play with Tucker anytime. Just to get next to your baby blues. You like readers? I’ll even read to Tucker. I’ll even read to you. Do you enjoy bedtime stories?

I am a college educated, nonsmoking, 6’4″/235 lb, culturally and environmentally sensitve, progressive/liberal who enjoys politics, sports, intelligent conversation, soft kisses under the stars, the arts, urban, as well as, rural atmospheres, jazz/blues.

What are your age and distance parameters?

D.

He’ll read to the dog.  That’s pretty damn funny.  (Or I’m delusional at this point.)   ((Both?))

Bachelor #29

six four…190…46…and i miss the sound of soft, wet kisses in the dark…the taste of a lover’s skin above me…the scent of night’s passion in the morning light…

He’s a minute man, but deserved to go in the hilarious category.  If a girl doesn’t know you and hasn’t seen a picture of you, the idea of waking up next to you and realizing the sheets need changing is NOT sexy.

Bachelor #30 – My personal favorite and winner of the BEST EMAIL EVER (for comedy value, not necessarily dating value)

Wow,…a daughter in ——,..man,..can a parent get any luckier? I don’t think so for her own child,…so I guess since she won the bet and made it to —–  then you have to make good on your promise to her to permit yourself some happiness in your life, too.  Her adventure is just beginning,…I guess your adventure is starting up, too,…holy smokes, lady,,..uh,…yer a knockout! ,…oh,…I’m not yer guy,…I’m a programmer, but not even close to your league – Gawd, you are beautiful!,…why would a woman with your looks have any problems hooking up with a nice classy guy?  hmmm,…an interesting question,…you have a light build,…healthy face and skin,…athletic build,…eats sensibly,…I would think a guy who is a Precision Egg Head would be a bore for you,…naw,..you need a guy who has great hands and is a craftsman (ahem,..like my ugly Irish ass),…maybe even an artist,…just to see how much spontaneous and unplanned activity you can tolerate before you take over with a precision plan,…I can see that need in you,…so you have to find out,…now me,..,…I’m a trainwreck,…and if we got together,..you would be screaming to get off the train,..my mission would be to see how much you can take before you cry out – “whatta psycho!!!”  I live life like a candle in the wind,..no holds barred anymore for me,…the anchor in your life is your dog,…you do have a nice dog, though,..a German Shepard/Mix of some type I think,…I’m at my family’s farm in Lakeview, MI,..for the holidays,..playing with our dogs,..Lola is a black Lab and is as nuts as my old Yellow Lab ‘Babe’ was,…LOLA,.L-O-L-A,…LOLA!! a horse of a dog,..I got her a horse halter leader today,..it’s a thick woven rope that is longer than a normal dog lease and its used for horses,..she drags my ass all over the place,..your dog is a police dog,…and is highly intelligent and protective of women,..German Shepards are excellent protection dogs,..so you will have no problems with a guy if the dog is in the same room,..the dog will know immediately if your guy is a genuine guy or not,..German Shepards can sense a threat well in advance of the actual threat,…they can spot a fake or a wifebeater and rip them to shreds,..guys that are overbearing to women normally fear dogs,.especially male ones like your German Shepard,…so the sweat and fear will come out immediately,..and then watch out,..your dog will rip the guy’s throat out,…I’d pay money to see that,…,…I would keep your dog around,..and when your guy comes calling at the door, let the dog greet the guy, and see how the dog behaves,….have a bottle of steak sauce handy,..because I think you should trust the dog first,..and the guy last,…just a thought,…you got this far, lady,..the dog loves you too,.and cares about you and your daughter,..gotta pass the ‘Tucker Test.’  I better shove off,..take care!

M.

There are not words to describe this email.  I’ll let you bask in it.  Go on, re-read.  It gets better every time.

Props go to the older men – A lot of GOOD emails and a few that were passable.  Young guys, take note – there’s a lot you can learn from your father’s generation when it comes to courting the fairer sex.

Now… what happens if a geek GUY posts a profile?  How long will it take for him to get 30 responses?

e is out of town from June 12 – 28. Established comment writers are pre-approved, but if you’re new to town, you may notice a slight delay before my code monkey approves your comment. Please be patient and I’ll see you when I’m back from vacation!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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