A Goat, Some Rope, and Some Beer…
On the post about Running Jokes/Gags/Etc in your campaigns, I got a comment that was such comedy gold that I really had to repost it as its own page here.
Thank you MrJames for this story, which made me cry with joy. It is that good!
In fact, I think for my next campaign, my character will insist on a goat, some rope, and some beer.
From Mr. James:
I recall a Forgotten Realms jaunt, where the goal of the quest was to find a certain portal.
Before leaving, we equipped. Our rogue insisted on only three inventory items. He wanted the largest keg of beer we could transport on the wagon. He wanted rope, at least two thousand feet (!!!) of rope. And he wanted a goat. Preferably a mean goat, as he would feel worse about what was to come if he had a chance to grow fond of the little guy.
His plan, of course, was to tie the rope to the goat, and have the goat explore the portal. If we pulled back a gnawed and bloody stump of rope, and no goat, than we would declare it to be the wrong portal and keep looking. The beer would be for Billy’s wake.
Never happened.
But the items came in really, really handy all the same. The goat was able to climb the gorge with the rope and the halfling, enabling the rest of the party to cross. The half-orc raiders were invited to partake of the ginormous cask of beer. Twenty gallons later, they had passed out, and we rolled them for spare change and moved on. The rope provided cheap armor repair for the fighter. The goat made a listen check the rest of us failed, alerting us to danger. And so on, and so on, and so on. The ginormous keg even served as a boat for the halfling at one point, after, alas, the beer had gone.
We never again left for adventuring without “A goat, some rope, and some beer.”
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XD
D&D Gold.
Indeed. MrJames and his group are awesome.
*smishes*
they are indeed made entirely of awesome!! that was utterly, utterly cool
It would be UDDERLY cool if a cow were involved. With a goat, I think it’s horny cool. Or something.
//still jetlagged…
*groan*
(but still udderly cool if a female goat
)
Horny cool? If a cow were involved? These comments are getting more disturbing by the minute. haha. Good story tho!
I find it strangely humorous that the post of the comment that is this post’s material is nowhere in the ‘related posts’ section.
Yeah, I definitely need a better Related Posts plugin. This one is erratic, at best.
Imagine my delight when I stumbled here via StumbleUpon!
That whole campaign was comedy gold, oft referred to as the “Dude, Where’s My Campaign?” game. Usually followed by a ‘Z’ hand gesture and an exclamation of “Zhentarim!”
It was probably a fourth or fifth-level goat by the time we were done.
Did the goat have armor? Because that would be adorable.
Hmmm. Not sure. I do seem to recall a halfling-sized saddle, but that may have been from jokes about the game, rather than from the game itself.
Now that you mention it, though, a battalion of hardened, battle-trained wargoats, with magic barding and enchanted, silvered horn-caps…
That would make for an adorable halfling cavalry. All-terrain cavalry, at that. Picture them, leaping down the mountainside… bleats and battlecries inspiring fear in those luckless fools trapped below them in the valley.
The gnomes would then have to start with a sheep cavalry - enchanted Barding of the Ram.
Elves on tricked-out deer.
It would be the petting zoo war to end all wars.
Wargoats, CHARGE!!!
BTW, any new people to this blog should check out the “It’s About Your Goat, Sir” post. It’s a follow up to this story.
Aug 3rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
[...] My first matter of business was to find a goat, some rope, and some beer… [...]