I’ve always said that if I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’d put shoes on my cats.
Do I hate kids? Nah. But as a teacher, I have upwards of 120 kids in my immediate care every weekday and the occasional evening, weekend, or trip to Europe. Do I really need my own offspring at home? Nah.
But that’s just my opinion.
There are others who are just dying to become parents or who are already proud parents. The’re on the online dating scene. So what’s a childfree person to do wading through a sea of potential parents?
Evaluate Your Commitment Level
Are you 100% committed to being childfree or do you have the philosophy of “Maybe I’ll have kids, but a LONG TIME FROM NOW!!“? This is an important bit of soul-searching that needs to be done before jumping headfirst into the dating pool. It’s not fair to be in a relationship with someone who really wants children if you plan on swinging the other way.
Make the Right Choice
Match.com has a few options to choose from when it comes to potential offspring:
- Someday - My biological clock is very quiet, but still ticks.
- Probably Not – Sometimes I think about the clock, but mostly I just shove it in a closet.
- I don’t want kids – Biological clock be damned!!
I’m going to be honest with you. Choosing one of the latter two options will get you fewer dates. However, if you want a long-term partner, then honesty here is crucial.
Don’t Add a Red Flag
Once your childfree tag is on your profile stats, don’t mention it in your profile text.
“But e,” you say, “What if I get emails from girls who didn’t read the “no kids” part?“
Simple. You write a thanks but no thanks email and explain that you don’t want children.
The problem with adding it to your profile text is that you can come off as a child-hater. Now, you may in fact BE a child-hater, but that’s not something you want to advertise in your profile. If you happen to find a kindred soul, you can get a gingerbread cottage in the woods and cook little boys and girls in your cauldron, but for now, let’s keep it tame.
Use your profile to highlight your strengths and give the girl a reason to write you an email. There’s plenty of other interesting things about you – let’s hear ‘em!
Still at a loss about writing your profile? I can help! Stay tuned for the next installment of Childfree By Choice on how to optimize your Search results to find the kind of people who share your views.
If you’re a geek who has/wants/loves children, you should definitely check out Amy’s blog – Geek Parenting.
About e
I didn’t know you were a teacher, do I assume Music? You’re like the american female version of me!
Good advice, for sure.
Unfortunately, you’re probably right that adding “childfree” to your profile text will make some think you are a child-hater. But, that’s too bad there is that stigma. According to my Kidfree Survey, less than 7% of us hate children (i.e. give them a “1″ on a scale of 1 to 10.)
I’m writing a book called “Kidfree & Lovin’ It” for which I am conducting a worldwide survey. Over 2,100 childless have taken it, and I would love all of you to take it too. Just click on this link to take you there:
http://tinyurl.com/2lcjah
Thanks, and enjoy!
KidfreeKaye
http://www.kidfreeandlovinit.com
Indeed I am, Forte.
Oh, you’re CF, too? I’ll send this link to the missus, she’s passionately CF and defends it publicly. Unfortunately by doing so you open yourself up to zealots that just don’t understand and think that you’re not doing your part for society. Sigh.
Andys last blog post..Did You Miss Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog?
@ Andy – What people don’t understand is … “But you’re a teacher, you like kids! Why don’t you want any?” What I love most about being a teacher is that by 4 pm, I can go home and only answer to myself, my man and my furbabies. It’s all the fun of parenting, but with frequent vacation time. Perfect.
I agree. If someone has kids or wants kids as a priority, and she’s not reading your profile regarding kid-choices, you really should not feel bad about sending her a polite “no thanks” e-mail. She needs to be thinking about this, especially if she’s in her late 20s, early 30s. She’s in a hurry to have kids (biology). Or if she already has kids.
Some people don’t want children. That’s great! More room for my own offspring and their descendants. The last thing I want to do is waste any of our time on a relationship that will probably go nowhere.
The exception would be if I was looking for a fling, I suppose, but I’d make it clear in the first e-mail that I know he doesn’t want children, and he’ll almost certainly never meet mine, but he looks like a fun guy for a summer romance.