In my previous post on this topic, I focused on profile considerations for those who live the childfree lifestyle.
To recap, honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to reproductive choice. Nobody wants to fall in love with someone and invest time in a relationship only to find out that the person wants furry, not fleshy, children.
As a childfree person, you don’t want to fall in love with someone who says they don’t want children only to find out (possibly after marriage) that they were hoping to convince you sometime down the road to have “just one!”
With your newfangled honesty, what will your search results look like? Will you be able to find a match? When is a good time to discuss this philosophy with a date?
Where’d My Mutual Matches Go?
Sadly for the childfree set, we are in the minority. You will find your mutual matches have dwindled down to a select few. Look on the bright side, though – they don’t want to breed, either!
If you find your selections to be particularly sparse or uninteresting, then you can consider tweaking yourself up a notch. For example, move from “I don’t want kids” to “Probably not“. Warning! This will involve future conversation on your part to explain your stand.
The other option is to ditch Mutual Matches and go for a Custom Search. You may have better luck finding a girl who sits on the fence when it comes to reproducing.
“But I don’t know how to set up a good search!”
If you order the Silver d20 or Gold d20 service, I can help you create up to 5 custom searches, ranging from DreamGirl down to GirlNextDoor.
Dirty, Dirty Liars
Surprise, surprise, there are lots of people (men & women!) who lie about the children question. Some lie intentionally and say “Someday” they want kids, when they mean “Someday, if hell freezes over!!“ As a childfree person, if you are having problems finding results in your area, consider adding the “Someday” people. You will find that about half of them are ambivalent on the issue of children and a small miniority are other childfree people who stopped getting emails when they put “I don’t want kids” on their profile.
When To Talk About It
In the previous Childfree by Choice post, the ruling is that you should NOT discuss childfree philosophies in your profile beyond selecting “Probably not” or “I don’t want kids” in your stats block. This will drive people away from you, thinking you are a child hater.
So when SHOULD you talk about it?
Ironically enough, it’s a bit similar to the advice given to those who have an STD!! (After all, pregnancy is an STD!)
You need to talk about it before the relationship moves into anything serious. It’s up to you to decide when that moment is for you. For some folks, they don’t even want to go on a first date with someone until they know they’re committed to being childfree. For others, it’s no big deal if they go on a few dates, discover a conflicting philosophy, and end up with a new friend.
Patience is a Virtue
Good things come to those who wait. If you are indeed looking for the childfree partner of your dreams, you may have to endure some Single Time waiting to find that perfect person. Sure, all your single friends have their Flavors of the Week, they’re all getting tons of dates and you’re at home. But when you finally do find that special person, it’ll be worth it!
If you’re a geek who has/wants/loves children, you should definitely check out Amy’s blog – Geek Parenting.