Online Dating Etiquette 101: Don’t Cut-N-Paste Emails
As a girl, there is nothing grosser to receive in your online dating mailbox than an email that was obviously sent to everybody else.
I have to admit, there is a double standard here.
Girls, we can get away with sending cut-n-paste emails. You know why? Because guys rarely get emails from girls. A lot of the girls out there expect the guys to come to them. If you’re proactive and email a guy, you will most likely get attention.
It’s unfair, I know.
But it’s reality. What does a cut-n-paste email look like? How can you write an email that shows you wrote it just for her?
The Cut-N-Paste Email
The women will not beat down your door if you send them an email that could have been sent to Any Girl, AnyWhere:
Subject: Hi.
Hi, I decided to give this online dating thing a try. I’ve never done this before. Your picture really caught my eye. You seem really cool. I’d like to talk to you more, so if you like my profile, write me back. Have a great night.
-Joe
Well Joe, you have a few hurdles to leap before she’ll consider writing you back. Know what they are?
- Her email box is relatively empty.
That’s right folks, if she has more options, she’ll take them. - Your picture is insanely attractive.
Yes, you read correctly. We’ll forgive a cut-n-paste if you look like Johnny Depp. What? You don’t look like him? Guess you’ll have to write a better email. - Your profile is amazing.
A lackluster email can be redeemed if your profile sparkles.
If you are unable to leap these hurdles, then you need a good email!
The Just For Her Email
Writing a great introduction email does not require an English major or a lot of effort. It just requires you to be perceptive and write a few sentences that convince her that you wrote it just for her.
A good email does three things:
1) Has an eye-catching subject line related to something she likes.
2) Makes references to her profile so she knows that you have read it in detail.
3) Ends with a question that entices her to write more about herself.
Let’s try it:
Subject: Do you smell what Barack is cooking?
I noticed you volunteer for Obama’s campaign in the Chicagoland area. Maybe that’s why you look so familiar… I think I saw you dancing with a sign somewhere! I’m a fan of Obama myself and can’t wait until he’s President (wishful thinking?). I’d like to get involved in the campaign, so if you know of a way I can help, please let me know. Nothing like getting to know someone while weilding a staplegun and assembling lawn signs, right?
A good email is what will get your foot in the door. Remember, most of the girls will not come to you. You will have to go to them. If you have a beautiful shiny profile, it won’t get you far if you’re cut-n-pasting the same email to every girl.
Take the time to respect each of your potential matches by crafting a short and sweet email that is just for her. You will see results!
Happy dating, geek friends.
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I wouldn’t be so secure about girls being able to completely get away with cut-n-paste emails, e. Sure it’s not the same as for guys but I know when I get an email that sounds VERY cut-n-paste-y it sets off a huge alarm bell in my head. The extreme examples are the russian-bride/porn site cons that sound as if they were written by a robot.
Besides that, more good advice. I can’t backup the attention-grabbing subject line point enough.
True, guys do end up getting the porn/mail-order bride spam mail. That’s one thing that sucks for you.
Girls don’t get any of those… although I have gotten some pictures by email that I did NOT request! ;p
I’d have to second the comment from Forte. In my time in the online dating world I was known to instantly delete any non-personalized emails without reading them. This was due both to russian bride/porn site ads AND my pickiness. I just don’t see that it’s worth my time to respond to a girl who can’t be bothered to put some thought into her conversations with me, and that includes the initial contact.
It’s not so bad, e. When my russian bride isn’t stealing my money and sleeping with other men she’s actually pretty good company.
It’s funny you say this as I used to joke with my partner when we first met on-line tat I was just cutting and pasting my responses in MSN to everybody else I had picked up on the net and was multi-tasking. Of course I was not, but it is a joke that has yet to die between us.
Good advice. I learned your 3 part rule from trial and error myself. DEFINITELY need a question in there.. I can’t stress that enough.
Now I know you hate cutting/pasting however from my perspective (as a guy) templates definitely do have their place. Writing an entirely unique message is nice but often very time consuming. I don’t fish with a fishing pole for one fish.. I use a big ass net to see how many I can catch.
Now agreed, women don’t like the generic cut/paste emails but the problems with templates can be fixed with some changes/factors taken into account:
1) If you do use a template just make sure you throw ’some’ custom info from the girls profile in there. The only part where this can be tough is with some attractive women who’s profile lacks uniqueness (plain Jane syndrome).
2) What you send them makes them laugh (humor ftw).
3) They dig your look or profile so much that you pretty much can say anything and your still in the green (I’ve laughed at some of the dumb stuff I’ve said and gotten away with).
On another note I’ve also started off conversations with questions. Specifically with equally geeky chicks just by emailing them such as “If you could have any super power but just one, what would it be and why?”. I’ll tell ya, I’ve gotten some interesting replies! haha
Also guys.. keep in mind that some women on some sites are just there for attention and don’t really want to meet (basically all the guys wooing them is a nice self esteem boost).
Just my 2 cents.
I’ve got a buddy of mine who just got hit with a Nigerian scammer from a dating site, so guys definitely get hit with the cut and paste replies as well…just different.
The biggest thing I used to encounter was that so few of the profiles really had anything interesting on there (what someone referred to as the “plain jane” profiles). Of course, that’s what I got for just replying to the hot pics
When a girl sends me a cut-n-paste, it goes in the can. Alpha males don’t tolerate this nonsense anymore than you girls do. One, it shows a complete lack of intelligence and ingenuity, and 2) it usually is just a damn spambot, which often leads to viruses, spam mail, etc. Older and wiser!
@Johnny - those girls who do online dating just for the esteem boost and not to meet anyone should be shot. Ok, maybe not shot, but at least wounded.
@MrE - True, true. But there are lots of non-alpha males out there. (What are they called? Beta males?)
@ E - Yeah they are annoying but if you know the signs one can usually spot them, hell I saw even one profile that explicitly said she didn’t reply to any messages from anyone so far.. but told people to keep at it. LOL Ahhh.. gota love those people.. *sarcasm* I’ve also seen this a lot on hotornot too.
@ MrE2u2 - An email from a chick that is a cut and past IS 95% spam. If it IS that 5% and from real chick.. even if its a cut and paste (as long as it isn’t retarded).. she is showing HIGH INTEREST as women DON’T initiate contact.. so you can ‘not reply’ and use the alpha male as an excuse but I think thats honestly silly. If its legit shes digging you.. and as long as you dig her pic/profile (even women whose pic and profile I didn’t like who has emailed me initially I’ve replied back wishing them good luck as I respect their initiative.. hell we need to reinforce that behavior!) you should ride that train and see what fun can be had. But thats me.. I’m not out searching for my ’soul mate’ or even anything ‘exclusive’. I’m just out for some good old honest fun right now. Maybe your at a different spot.
Then again maybe you DO get chicks emailing you/hitting on you all the time.. in which case do you look like a super model or something? Thats the only thing I can think of.
As for spam, funny.. I’ve never gotten ANY spam *knock on wood* with the dating site I’ve used recently. Its also free and with all the tests and configuration options its pretty fun too. Check out “okcupid”. I don’t just limit myself to geek chicks but from what I’ve seen they have a good selection on there so for those dudes searching for a female geekdom counterpart.. have at it.
@Johnny - Okcupid is pretty fun, but I never had anything from that site pan out as far as dating went.
I agree with you that for most girls, writing an email to a guy is pretty scary business. I’m one of the few that would unabashedly email people, but I tend to communicate better in writing than speaking, so the internet is my turf!!
@E My hats off to you E my dear. We need more women such as yourself that take initiative.
As for OKCupid.. well I’ve met a few from there. Some cool some not. I’m relatively new to it so it still has potential.
@Johnny - I should train women, too. Problem is, we’re such fickle, un-trainable creatures. ;p It’s like herding cats.