“Vader” was the winner of the Geek’s Dream Girl Personal Ad Makeover Contest for July. His profile has some major red flags and is literally driving the ladies away! (Poor Vader!)
Let’s take a look at some of the things that will be demolished and reconstruction so his Death Star of a profile will be fully operational.
I’m originally from (west coast) but came to (east coast) for school.
A good factoid, but not a strong way to start your profile. Your first sentence needs to draw the girl in and make her want to read more. At the moment, it’s got some serious yawn factor going on.
Quite strangely my hobbies send me to more places than my work does. Last month I just got back from Spain. I’ll be going back to asia for a bit later this summer, looking forward to visiting Taiwan for the first time. I used to be a shy kid but after college and going to these conventions in other countries made me realize how fun it is to learn about new cultures and meet new people.
Again, cool factoids. This is stuff that can definitely be used for the new profile, so we’ll set it aside and shine it up for later.
I like to be random, I like to see the humor in everything while maintaining a sufficiently intellectual perspective.
This is three different, semi-unrelated things all in the same confusing sentence. What does “being random” entail? Do you roll a d20 in the morning and go commando if you get a 13? What exactly does it mean to see humor in everything while “maintaining a sufficiently intellectual perspective”?
Looking for someone who’s attractive and takes care of herself but otherwise cares more about her passions than about her own looks.
First off, this sentence is missing a subject. Second of all, most girls are not confident enough to describe themselves as “attractive”. What you’re doing here is sending a message to cute geeky girls that they’re not pretty enough for you. I’ll bet you didn’t realize that.
Caring more about passion than looks is a great little nugget – watch for it to come back in the new profile.
btw don’t write me if you’re just desperate to get married very soon, I’m not into that. Also don’t bother if your main interests are going to bars/clubs or just eating food, that’s kind of boring. Also I have no time for anyone who’s inconsiderate or has an attitude problem.
This is more than a red flag. This is a flag that is screaming “GO AWAY”. Take a look at what you’ve written here:
- “don’t write me”
- “I’m not into that”
- “don’t bother”
- “that’s kind of boring”
- “I have no time for anyone”
You end by saying that you have no time for those who are inconsiderate or have attitude problems, but that paragraph makes it loud and clear that YOU are the one with the attitude problem.
I’m sorry for sounding so harsh, but let me put it this way – if I were single and in your area, I would have considered dating you… until I read that paragraph.
travelling, drawing, photography, woodworking, blacksmithing (for serious), origami, making videos
Don’t laundry list. Pick a couple things that are most interesting to you and write about those.
working on a PhD, almost done.
Nature, Parks, Chinatown and movies on a weekend, (local attractions), a good museum, or just walking along the (local attraction). Have visited and enjoyed China, Japan, France, UK; especially enjoyed Hong Kong, Tokyo, Paris.
music – mozart, u2, HK and other azn pop, Justin Timberlake, plus I have this thing for movie soundtracks.
animals. when I was a kid, we used to have a lot of really interesting pets. Now we have a dog (@home)
Wikipedia. it’s just so addictive, even though it doesnt cite its sources. This section needs cleanup.
Good factoids, but they need better structure. Look for the newer, shinier, more attractive Vader on Friday!
About e
Its all there, now we just need e to do the word smith’n.
“Do you roll a d20 in the morning and go commando if you get a 13?”
Now I want to write a personal ad just so I can say that I do this
Storytellers last blog post..Big Happy Family
@ Storyteller – Sounds fun!
Love the blog, love this post. Almost wish I wasn’t a happily married geek so I could try out your advice!
And I wanna roll a d20 in the mornings now (although this would get v.weird looks from my better half).
@ Sam – Welcome to the comments! I’m glad you like the blog and can appreciate my sense of humor
I roll a d20 and go to the bathroom on a 13.
I haven’t gone in 3 days!!!!!!
@ Tomcat – that is tragic
Thanks for the notes so far, e. This was the second time or so that I had rewritten my profile, but I think I was losing faith in the system so I kind of half-assed the wording, and I thought, if all the factoids are in there, then it really doesn’t matter, right?
That last extremely negative paragraph really does sound bad, you’re right. I had tacked it on trying to convey that I have really really high standards – I thought the bad luck online was because I came off as way too nice, like I used to be in real life. Now I see how being negative isn’t the same as “using mean-jerk-factor to attract women”, something I’ve never fully understood nor liked, but was trying to do with my profile, but failed.
Thanks again, looking forward to the upgrades. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of a good profile!
By the way, do you think my pictures are ok? I’ve been told to remove the face mask but 1) I’ll die and 2) I’m a little self-conscious about my scarred, pitted face and the pounds I’ve gained since the lava accident.
It’s cool. I rolled three straight 13′s last night. I’m good now
Nice job so far! Can you please send me a quick e-mail when you have a chance?
CupidsReviews Heidis last blog post..Lesbian Personals Review