“Vader” was the winner of the Geek’s Dream Girl Personal Ad Makeover Contest for July.  His profile has some major red flags and is literally driving the ladies away!  (Poor Vader!)

Let’s take a look at some of the things that will be demolished and reconstruction so his Death Star of a profile will be fully operational.

I’m originally from (west coast) but came to (east coast) for school.

A good factoid, but not a strong way to start your profile.  Your first sentence needs to draw the girl in and make her want to read more.  At the moment, it’s got some serious yawn factor going on.

Quite strangely my hobbies send me to more places than my work does. Last month I just got back from Spain. I’ll be going back to asia for a bit later this summer, looking forward to visiting Taiwan for the first time. I used to be a shy kid but after college and going to these conventions in other countries made me realize how fun it is to learn about new cultures and meet new people.

Again, cool factoids.  This is stuff that can definitely be used for the new profile, so we’ll set it aside and shine it up for later.

I like to be random, I like to see the humor in everything while maintaining a sufficiently intellectual perspective.

This is three different, semi-unrelated things all in the same confusing sentence.  What does “being random” entail?  Do you roll a d20 in the morning and go commando if you get a 13?  What exactly does it mean to see humor in everything while “maintaining a sufficiently intellectual perspective”?

Looking for someone who’s attractive and takes care of herself but otherwise cares more about her passions than about her own looks.

First off, this sentence is missing a subject.  Second of all, most girls are not confident enough to describe themselves as “attractive”.  What you’re doing here is sending a message to cute geeky girls that they’re not pretty enough for you.   I’ll bet you didn’t realize that.

Caring more about passion than looks is a great little nugget - watch for it to come back in the new profile.

btw don’t write me if you’re just desperate to get married very soon, I’m not into that. Also don’t bother if your main interests are going to bars/clubs or just eating food, that’s kind of boring. Also I have no time for anyone who’s inconsiderate or has an attitude problem.

This is more than a red flag.  This is a flag that is screaming “GO AWAY”.   Take a look at what you’ve written here:

• “don’t write me”
• “I’m not into that”
• “don’t bother”
• “that’s kind of boring”
• “I have no time for anyone”

You end by saying that you have no time for those who are inconsiderate or have attitude problems, but that paragraph makes it loud and clear that YOU are the one with the attitude problem.

I’m sorry for sounding so harsh, but let me put it this way - if I were single and in your area, I would have considered dating you… until I read that paragraph.

It’s never to early to enter to win the Geek’s Dream Girl Personal Ad Makeover Contest for August! If you entered and were not chosen, you can re-enter as often as you like!

Can’t wait?  Check out the Dating Profile Help page for my new “The Works” service - profile, headlines, photo critiques - oh my!  All done better and cheaper than the other guys.