Profile Makeover: “Vader” (AFTER)

Lucky for Vader, his Death Star of a dating profile is now fully operational.  It’s a profile like a tractor beam, drawing women in!  Okay, I’m out of stupid similes and metaphors.

Vader’s old profile had a boring beginning, laundry lists, and the biggest red flag paragraph I’ve ever seen.  Sadly, his attempt to “communicate high standards” was communicating “STAY AWAY FROM ME!!”

Even more sadly, the ladies were listening to that.  Let’s see how he’s looking now…

Headline Idea #1: Origami roses never wilt.

Headline Idea #2: You will like me [citation needed].

about me and who I’m looking for

I can make just about anything out of a single square of paper.  Cranes are child’s play – would you like a bouquet of paper roses in your favorite color?  My hobbies – origami, blacksmithing, photography, traveling – are a pleasant distraction from my dedication to finishing my doctorate.    I find it ironic that my hobbies have taken me more places than my work.  Spain was my most recent adventure, but I’ve been lucky enough to explore China, Japan, France, and the UK.  I love experiencing new cultures and meeting people from around the world.  When I’m home in ______, there is nothing more relaxing than a walk along the _______.

I’m looking for a woman with goals for her life and plans on how to achieve them.   Sweet and smart, she has a passion for something – be it education, fine films, skiing, or baking cakes.    She is looking for a friend to challenge her intellectually and share in all of the fun in life.   Send me an email if you can name the author of this quotation – “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”  (Do you agree?)  Do you have a favorite spot in town where you sit with a coffee and your laptop and people watch?  Or maybe a favorite walking route in one of our city’s great historical neighborhoods?  Let’s compare notes!

how it works

Vader was concerned with expressing the fact that he is not marriage-minded at the moment and that he has high standards regarding the type of woman he likes.   Here’s how I worked that in without red flag statements or attitude:

• Mentioning the doctoral work in the main text of the profile shows it is important to him.  In the previous profile, it was relegated to the sidebar.
• Women without goals and plans will be turned off at the fact he wants a woman with goals and plans.
• “Sweet and smart” is how every geek girl would describe herself.  It’s a compliment without being intimidating.
• Note the use of the word “friend” in the second paragraph.  This tips off the “rush to the altar” type girls that he’s not that kind of guy (yet).
• The Antoine de Saint-Exupery quotation can stay in or be pulled out, depending on Vader’s thoughts on it.  I like it for a couple reasons – 1) It’s a great quotation to sum up a solid relationship based on common interests and goals and 2) any geek girl worth her salt will want to send him the answer to the question to prove how smart she is (or how good she can Google!).
• The end of the profile is inviting and yet low profile – let’s get coffee or take a walk and enjoy the city.  Both are great things to do when you are busy with your doctorate and just want a nice female friend to enjoy your “free” time with… right?

want to win?

You can win the August Profile Makeover Contest!   Just click here to find out how!