Moradin’s Lass: Tip-Toe Through the Hummus… I mean, humus?

We get to a big scary silver door with a big scary silver head with a big scary silver open mouth.  It’s locked.

There’s a skeleton hand coming out of a rubbly bit of the wall.  I’m not sure how whoever the skeleton was got stuck in the wall, but either way.  Wall, bony hand, oh, and a scroll.  There’s a scroll in there.  You’d think maybe that would be important…

We open the scroll and it looks like dwarven runes, but none that I can read.  Fin says that it’s a map of where we are, but we can’t seem to find where we are on the map.

“There’s a waterfall,” Helion points his skinny little finger at the map. “We must be near here.”

“There are two waterfalls on the map,” Drash grumbles.

Oops.  Right.

Meanwhile, our rogue has decided he can’t get the door open, so we disk over to the other side of the shaft and go for the mushroom room.  Fin draws his sword and a sheen of ice covers it.  So cool!  Mr. Live-By-Sword now has an icy sword!  I wonder if I can do that to my hammer…  then again, I’m not Ms. Live-By-Hammer.   Maybe Live-By-Sparkles or Live-By-Moradin, but not Live-By-Hammer.

The room has a rotting floor.  Seriously, we’re stepping in all sorts of nasty dead rotting stuff and the smell is pretty bad.

(OOC:  Our DM was like, “There’s hummus on the floor.”  We’re like “Hummus? Like… chickpeas and olive oil and tahini hummus?”  We all learned a new word that night – humus - with one M.)

Mushrooms are growing all over the floor, up from the humus.  It’s amazing anything can grow in a place that smells this bad.  We see a spiral staircase to our left and there’s a giant gold door with another big scary open-mouthed face. It’s locked of course.

We’re trying to figure out how to open the door and Drash comes up with this brilliant idea – NOT! – “Dwarves are, no offense, kinda greedy.  Maybe we can put a gold piece in and it’ll open.

And here I was thinking he had redeeming qualities.  I will pray to Moradin tonight that he sees the error of his ways.  While thinking about Moradin, the idea comes to me.  The door is a gnomish puzzle.   You have to put both hands in the mouth and unlock the door without seeing your hands.

Guess I’m taking one for the team,” says Errich, sticking his hands in the door.   Luckily, he manages to open it.

(OOC: At this point in the evening, we discover that medium sized minis fit perfectly in beer bottlecaps.  From now own, we use bottlecaps for marking things.)

Through the door, the hallway turns to the left.   “Oh, by the way,” Errich says, “I was too busy sticking my hands in this thing… there’s a secret door on the other side of the room.”   Now he tells us!

He goes back to check it out but can’t find anything.  Drash comes over and after pawing through the gunk on the wall, finds a face similar to the other door.

But of course, we can’t open the door because two viny things rise up from the rotting ground.  Ew.  Why?

Drash and Helion get caught in the vines, which try to squish them to death.  One lashes out at me, but ha!  I have Beacon of Hope!  Take that, Viny Fiend!

Helion cuts the vines off himself and – ew, gross – is all bloody and squished looking.  Luckily (?) the vine hits me again, which takes my attention away from the bloody elf.   But apparently I am still distracted because I hit myself with my own sparkles.  Ugh!!

Luckily the elf starts actually hitting things with his arrows – thank you, Moradin!  I hear a cry for help and scoot over to heal Drash, who has somehow managed to get more hurt than anyone else.  Again.   For being such a big boy, he’s awfully fragile.

After the viny things die, we go back to the door.  Somehow my hammer ends up in the hands of pretty much everybody in the party as they attempt to break the door down.  Note: Do not let elves handle hammers.

Errich decides to try to open it the same way as the gold door, and lo and behold, it works and both doors open.  Hooray!

But not hooray!!  A big chunk of ceiling in the center of the room falls and lands right between me and Fin.  Holy ale tankards!!

Behind the crusty door is a small dark cove.   There is a low moaning sound and a sense of something dead.  Or undead.  I dunno.

There’s a dusty altar and two containers, which Errich realizes are on a pressure sensitive plate.    He disables it, which is good, because we’d all be trapped in the room if he didn’t.  I am scared to think of what my end would be if I was all alone in a locked room with these guys.

As we’re dragging the large containers out of the room, we hear a noise from up the stairs.  A young owlbear appears and he does not look happy with us.  Maybe these are his boxes.  But really, what would an owlbear do with them?  I don’t even think they have fingers.

We battle the owlbear and Helion’s arrows are still hitting!  It’s amazing.  Drash somehow manages to get all gashed and nasty again.  I swear, I need to buy this boy better armor or something.  The owlbear drops to the ground dead.

We drag the boxes into the next room and open them.  We have a bunch of gold, some healing potions, a sweet frosthammer, a cloak, some chainmail, and a large emerald.   The hammer and chainmail have some sort of engraving on them.  They might belong to the family we’re supposed to be getting stuff for, or they may not.

Either way, there’s no harm in me using this hammer while we’re working for him, right?  Right.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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