Are you waving red flags?
Would you even notice if you were?
Let’s take a look at some common red flags that men have been seen waving since the dawning of dating.
Maybe once you see them in action you’ll be able to understand what they look like and why we women interpret these as a loud and clear:
Whether it’s talking about how your ex used to hate this restaurant and you’re so glad WE will come here with you, or comparing our lasagna to your mother’s – try to hold back. Even if we’re better than the original, your still sending us messages that we’re constantly being evaluated and ranked, and that’s a little intimidating.
Negative Talk About Others
Nobody likes a Negative Nelly. If you hate your job, find a new one. If your friends are idiots, find new friends. All that negative talk is essentially verbal vomit – it feels good to you to get it out, but nobody else wants it in their lap.
I will be the first to admit that this is one of my personal red flags. I did my best when first communicating with potential matches to avoid talking much about my family. My mother and I have a rocky relationship (at best) and I rarely make the trip “home” because it generally ends poorly.
Does that mean I’m a horrible person? Nope.
Would some people jump to that conclusion if I mentioned that I visit my parents once every three years? Yes, yes they would.
Those who know me well have heard the short version of my Mama Drama story and understand where I’m coming from as far as family relations. I am blessed with friends who take me in as part of their families for holidays and have found that some of the best family members are the ones you choose.
On the whole, women want a man with goals and ambitions. For some people, it may be graduating college. For others, it may be making partner in the law firm.
If your idea of a goal is to (maybe) take out the garbage that’s been sitting outside your front door for the past three days, that’s not attractive to us.
If your life is going nowhere, why would we want to be part of it?
Having goals is one thing. Dominating the conversation with you, you, you is entirely different. Walking three steps in front of us at the mall because you’re a man on a mission and then not even holding the door open for us to follow you through sends a clear message – you think only about yourself. If we are of value to you, it is only to improve your image of yourself. Blech.
Inability to Let Someone Else Win
Whether you’re debating politics or playing Apples to Apples, nobody likes a sore loser. What’s even worse are people who refuse to admit they have lost or refuse to acknowledge other people’s opinions.
With the election season in full swing, it’s probably best to avoid talk of politics if you’re one of these people. I can get along just fine with folks of the other party as long as we avoid talk of politics.
Last but not least, there are very few women out there who will tolerate men with wandering eyes. There are rare females like myself who understand that men are visual creatures and appreciate viewing women as though they are fine works of art. Most women, however, take this as a clear message that you are not interested in them. Do your best to avoid ogling the eye candy and focus on your date.
What to Do If You See a Flag Waving on Her Side
If you see her waving a flag, steer the conversation in that directions to find out more. See if she’s irrationally rabid for (insert Presidential candidate here) or if she’s a savvy voter with her facts straight. If she hates her job, ask her what other careers she’s considering. If she’s constantly comparing you unfavorably to her ex, ask her if she’d rather be on a date with him!
Investigate those red flags so you know for sure if she’s someone worth pursuing.
Happy dating, geek friends.