Match.com Online Dating Profile to Reality Translator

Match.com Don’t you wish you knew what women were REALLY saying in their profiles?

Let’s take a look at some profiles and hear the reality behind them…

Profile: I have been in some long-term, committed relationships in my life, but I am still searching for a man who can ride the highs and lows; who kisses me on the forehead; who can enter into a good-natured debate over the best wines or political candidate and not hold a grudge later; who can be professional and mature when need be, but also wears jeans w/ torn knees & a faded Gap t-shirt and likes to make love with Nina Simone playing in the background; who isn’t afraid to be open, honest, crazy, sexy, artistic, REAL; who likes dinner & theater at night and then hiking & running the next day.

Reality: I’m moody and men generally run away from me.  My exes were pompous asses who would never admit if they were wrong.   They were immature, had no career prospects, dressed like they just came out of gym class, and were total pigs.  I’m hoping you’re different.

Profile: I want to meet HIM, the ONE, and get down to the business of living the rest of my life with my soul mate, in our life-long smart, sexy, fun adventure.

Reality: All my friends are engaged or married and I’m feeling old maid-hood creeping up on me!  Help!

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Profile: I finally decided to give this a try, so here goes.

Reality: This is my last resort because everything else I’ve tried hasn’t worked.

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Profile: My family and friends are very important to me and hope they would be important to you.

Reality: Loners and estranged children need not apply, no matter how convincing your circumstances.

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Profile: Someone who won’t get jealous if I go out with the ‘girls’ because he knows I’ll be coming home to him. Someone who will stand with me as an equal, not in front or behind me.

Reality: My ex was a domineering man who refused to let me leave his sight and tried to control everything I did.

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Profile: If you do happen to be interested in my profile, please send me a wink because I will not be able to read emails on here at this time.

Reality: I’m too cheap to pay for an account and I’m hoping to be able to google your username and figure out how to contact you another way.  (Makes you wonder what other kinds of shortcuts she takes.)

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Profile: I do believe physical attractiveness is important, yet I believe in keeping it simple, natural, and not too time-consuming.

Reality: I might not eat when we’re out for dinner.  Or maybe I will… dry salad with no cheese or croutons, please.

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Profile: Poor spelling/grammar is a turn-off.

Reality: I have an intelligence fetish.  If you don’t meet my minimum IQ requirements, you can take a hike. I won’t be able to tolerate you.

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Profile: Drill Sargeants, Critics, and Complainers need NOT apply. I’m not looking to join the service and I’m not a therapist. I’m independent and would like a male who is also independent.

Reality: RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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