Don’t you wish you knew what women were REALLY saying in their profiles?
Let’s take a look at some profiles and hear the reality behind them…
Profile: I have been in some long-term, committed relationships in my life, but I am still searching for a man who can ride the highs and lows; who kisses me on the forehead; who can enter into a good-natured debate over the best wines or political candidate and not hold a grudge later; who can be professional and mature when need be, but also wears jeans w/ torn knees & a faded Gap t-shirt and likes to make love with Nina Simone playing in the background; who isn’t afraid to be open, honest, crazy, sexy, artistic, REAL; who likes dinner & theater at night and then hiking & running the next day.
Reality: I’m moody and men generally run away from me. My exes were pompous asses who would never admit if they were wrong. They were immature, had no career prospects, dressed like they just came out of gym class, and were total pigs. I’m hoping you’re different.
Profile: I want to meet HIM, the ONE, and get down to the business of living the rest of my life with my soul mate, in our life-long smart, sexy, fun adventure.
Reality: All my friends are engaged or married and I’m feeling old maid-hood creeping up on me! Help!
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Profile: I finally decided to give this a try, so here goes.
Reality: This is my last resort because everything else I’ve tried hasn’t worked.
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Profile: My family and friends are very important to me and hope they would be important to you.
Reality: Loners and estranged children need not apply, no matter how convincing your circumstances.
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Profile: Someone who won’t get jealous if I go out with the ‘girls’ because he knows I’ll be coming home to him. Someone who will stand with me as an equal, not in front or behind me.
Reality: My ex was a domineering man who refused to let me leave his sight and tried to control everything I did.
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Profile: If you do happen to be interested in my profile, please send me a wink because I will not be able to read emails on here at this time.
Reality: I’m too cheap to pay for an account and I’m hoping to be able to google your username and figure out how to contact you another way. (Makes you wonder what other kinds of shortcuts she takes.)
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Profile: I do believe physical attractiveness is important, yet I believe in keeping it simple, natural, and not too time-consuming.
Reality: I might not eat when we’re out for dinner. Or maybe I will… dry salad with no cheese or croutons, please.
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Profile: Poor spelling/grammar is a turn-off.
Reality: I have an intelligence fetish. If you don’t meet my minimum IQ requirements, you can take a hike. I won’t be able to tolerate you.
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Profile: Drill Sargeants, Critics, and Complainers need NOT apply. I’m not looking to join the service and I’m not a therapist. I’m independent and would like a male who is also independent.
Reality: RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!
About e
If only there was an actual program that did this…awesome post ^_^
Sharkys last blog post..
I have read some of those. You probably saved me some pain.
Thank you.
I like this post. Good advice, though I have one thing…
Profile:I finally decided to give this a try, so here goes.
Reality:This is my last resort because everything else I’ve tried hasn’t worked.
It might be that this person has a prejudice to on line dating but has friends that convinced her to make a account.
When I was single I had no problem getting dates (I am a total extrovert) and believed that dating should be don the “old fashion way” so when some friends finally convinced me to make a dating profile I said exactly that.
@LokiCat: I agree with you. I’m still not comfortable with online dating, and I would probably use that as a last resort.
But the other ones, were hillarious
(Or scary, depending on your side of the fence!)
Hyb’
@ Sharky – If there weren’t so many nuances in the English language, I would totally write one and make my millions!!
@ Mhoram – You’re welcome!
@ Loky – Even if someone has been convinced, their profile should still sound as if they are INTERESTED in dating, not just CURIOUS about whether it will work.
@ Hybban – Let me know when you want help.
@e – As if I need help….
“I do believe physical attractiveness is important, yet I believe in keeping it simple, natural, and not too time-consuming.”
Ow, my brain hurts. What does physical attractiveness have anything to do with keeping life simple and natural. Oh…maybe she was talking about plastic surgeries to make someone beautiful and that is complicated, takes time and is definitely not natural. So I guess what she wants is someone who is naturally beautiful so she won’t have to deal with her boyfriend’s abs and ass replacement surgeries.
@ Hybban – You certainly have the advantage of the adorable French accent working for you.
@ Matt – Who knows?
People read profiles? I just look at the pictures.
Some good advice here
@ Forte – Hehehehehe… you put it up on photo view and just skim over the lineup? At my college, we had a Freshman Facebook (not the .com)… it was a book of pictures of all the freshmen so we could get to know each other’s names. The thing was, the frat boys used to steal them to decide which girls to invite to parties.
A cunning plan indeed.
I wonder if you could just write “I have an intelligence fetish – if you annot meet my minimum IQ requirements, you can take a hike. I will not be able to tolerate you.” and get away with it?
Maybe towards the end, and if you add a
??
Jos last blog post..triumph v. blaine
@ Forte – It was, and luckily for me, I was too geeky looking to be invited to frat parties. Or rather, maybe not easy looking enough.
Either way, a compliment!
@ Jo – I had a friend write a brutally honest profile and get a TON of replies. I gotta see if he’ll let me use it as an example of how doing the totally wrong thing can sometimes get you what you want.
I picked up on the negativity in those profiles. What strikes me as most important is how BLAND they are. There is no shortage of profiles to look through, but most of them are bland re-telling of failed past love experiences. Maybe you could get in good with the admins and make online dating classes mandatory for members.