I see you, Reader.
I see what you Google to get here. That’s right, I’ve been watching you while you’ve been Googling. Tsk Tsk.
It’s okay! Everyone Googles.
Here’s a search string that made me want to reach out and write a post: “Why do girls ask you to email them and then not write back?”
I’ll tell you why…
Good Profile Ending
“Email me!” seems like a good way to end a dating profile. She just didn’t want YOU to email her. Other people, sure. Just not you. Sorry.
Good “Get Off the Hook” Ending of an IM Conversation
Maybe you’ve moved into the IM stages of communication with a potential match. She pulls the “I gotta go, email me!” card. Sometimes, she means it. Sometimes, that’s just what she says to get you off the line so she can ignore you, log off, and then delete your emails.
Less Jaded Reasons
Here are some perfectly valid and non-jaded reasons why she might not be responding to your email:
- She’s on vacation.
- Her computer isn’t working.
- Her internet is down.
- She doesn’t have a paid subscription.
- Her subscription ran out and she hasn’t renewed yet.
- She’s dating someone else but doesn’t want to say no to you just yet. Silence is more comfortable than explaining that you’re her back burner option and risking offending you.
- She just doesn’t check her email as often as you do.
Moral of the Story
Don’t wait. Don’t sit by the computer hitting refresh and hoping something new shows up. Keep searching, keep emailing other women. Cast your net wide, meet some new friends, and when the time is right, your geek girl will be there waiting for you.
About e
Oh! Oh! I feel a rant coming!
Nope sorry.. That’s bull crap… On match.com all a woman has to do is click on the ‘not interested’ button… Match makes it real, real easy for you to discreetly turn down somebody online… And no woman uses it… Nobody… These intelligent women with Bachelor’s Degrees don’t know how to use a mouse properly?? All you do is point and click. Hell I’ve used the not interested option when I’ve been winked at, why can’t women learn to do the same, especially when they’re emailed? Cowardice, pure and simple.
Ok rant over… Thanks for the endgame.. Which is: Keep searching. Keep emailing, even if many women don’t know how to use a mouse… Eventually, a few guys out there will find a woman that does. : P
@ Green – I totally agree with your rant. I always gave people the courtesy of a “Thanks but no thanks” if I wasn’t interested because I wanted them to do the same for me.
(Sadly, I had many, many emails never receive replies. The boys do it, too. Not as often, but it happens.)
Bleh. Match.com is an outright loser for guys I think. Most of the girls tend to be shallow and don’t respond. Heck, I don’t think a great deal of them even view profiles.
I’m going to have to disagree with you here E, some of us are not picky here at all (me) I think I’ve emailed about half the female population on match.com with no response. (I just set height and age and leave the rest on Any)
Yet on OKCupid I’ve had…5 dates and maybe 30 responses within a month.
I’m positively stumped as to why this is. There are also far more geek girls on OKC than Match.com
@ Messerole – For some folks, match.com just doesn’t work. I’ll admit that. It depends on where you live and who you’re looking for and sometimes match just doesn’t have those matches.
I do have a curiosity question – what are your introduction emails like?
@E: Men are schmucks… Granted. Especially if they don’t use the ‘not interested’ option.. Actually, I would go so far as to call them bastards.
As for the women…. GRRRRRRRRRRR! Apparently, the sophistication and civility has been lost in the 21st century here in upstate NY regarding the female species.
Here’s one of my more inspired ones: I believe the girl in question “Was looking for someone with determination but not too full of themselves”…something something something. The profiles in Match.com on my opinion reveal about as much as zero regarding a person.
>>>>
Hey there. I admire someone with determination and adventurousness. Oh, and you’re pretty too. Anyway, I’d be interested in hanging out and watching chickflicks. (Yeah, I have a real bad habit of liking romantic comedies)
As for me, I am a diehard nerdbot, currently working as a programmer in Midtown. I’m 22 and recently graduated from NYU. In my spare time I like to go hiking, climb mountains and fight dragons.
>>>>
I’m not sure what the deal is. It could be my age, the crowd on Match.com tends to be more like 26-up. My profile on Match.com and OKC is generally the same, and I use the same approach for both sites. But it seems like people on OKC are more open to actually talking and meeting, whereas I haven’t heard insomuch as a peep from Match.commers.
Match.com works a lot better for women than men because there is three to four times as many men on that site. Also match uses a lot of fake emails. A buddy of mine tried match a while back because he was sick of the local scene and got very few profile views, etc despite being a tall, athletic guy. He got frustated and started using a couple of other sites and had more dates than he could deal with. Explain that!
@ Mike – I can’t explain that.
Also, it’s not “match.com” using fake emails, it’s people who work for porn spam companies using dummy accounts, and you’re going to get that in every dating service to a certain extent. Match works well for most people and horribly for others. It all depends on who you are, where you live, and what you’re looking for. 
I recently joined match.com and haven’t had but one guy actually return an email. We did a couple of emails, then he disappeared. So, I moved on and emailed a few others. Some never respond…and a couple said they weren’t interested. One was a big heavy guy — that kind of floored me. Maybe I’m too old for this (53)! I’m going to keep up until my subscription expires. Then, I’ll probably try something else. Any suggestions?
Match.com is a joke… I am simply amazed by the total lack of replies when you wink at some of these dumb bitches.. and I am not an ugly guy by any means.
I’m in the category of those who do not have a paid subscription. It’s so frustrating on this end because I’d like to respond in some way other than “wink back” sometimes. I’d subscribe if I could afford to, but I’m on an SSI income.
@Jo: Seriously? Are you one of those guys who honks the car horn or whistles when a pretty girl walks by? What do you expect to happen? A wink is not a genuine means of communication. If you want to get anywhere you need to put yourself out and start a real conversation.
I had to comment. I find it highly insulting to recieve thanks but no thanks. Its like a slap in the face. I’ve never recieved one.. if I did Id be pissed! If you wink me.. ugh boring. it is like a cat call…Email me a few sentences! If I like your pics, your height, age.. and maybe what field you’re in.. I’ll write back. Yes I’m picky. So what! So are most men. I’m very attractive.. some guys either wont email back or maybe they are dating a few… others we date and they lie about their age.. so instead of 39 they are 43! I look about 25.. so I don’t want to date my dad. Don’t lie!!! Height, age, job. Sorry I will walk… if I find out you lied. If noone is writing you back they don’t like the way you look or you’re too short. OR you sound bitter. Winking is childish. Also for guys who don’t know any better. I wish they would get rid of that. I hate match this time around. I’ve only been on twice. This time I dated 8 guys.. 3 lied about their age. 1 about their height. 5’9 is not 5’7!!! the rest blah.. Last time I ended up with a guy who couldnt commit after 4 months and was wierd.. and the next guy I dated a year and he ended up being a player.. dating me his ex and another ex and numerous others… This is why women are picky!! Slim pickings out there. we arent shallow. we know what we want. guys just cant keep up.
if i had more faith in humanity, i’d think lala were trolling
I’ve run into a few women on there that find ways around the system. Two pointed me to their facebook accounts. One pointed me to her OKC account and another or two managed to slip their e-mail address in there. All of them said something to the effect of “Here’s a puzzle for you” and then put the info in a simple code (read only the capitalized letters, etc).
Also, I’ve found less nerdy Christian types on match and yahoo (big mistake) combined than on OKC.
Hello. I started using Zoosk about a month ago and then added a Match account. I’ve had a few exchanges with women on Match and I’m supposed to have a lunch date this weekend. As for Zoosk, just a bunch of views and a couple of dead-end emails. I live in just south of DC so the population here is great for dating. We’ll see if the lunch date works out. It’s somewhat weird; this will be the first date that resulted from an online conversation.
P.S. I get the spam emails too… got one from Malaysia. This woman said she has a PhD but only make $25K / year and she wants to have long-term relationship… Not sure how that is accomplished from Malaysia
I agree.with many of the guys here; I’ve sent out, by last count, over 40 emails and have to date received two replies and two “no thanks” messages.
What’s worse is the women who reply once or twice… then never again.
If you’re not interested, SAY SO.
What’s worse is Match lets you know when your message has been read, so if your message was ad a few days ago and she was active “within 24 hours” I guess we’re just supposed to take that as a hint?
Then again, at least it lets us know up front we should be grateful we never got involved with you as you obviously have NO COMMUNICATION SKILLS and can’t be straightforward with men as to what your desires are, and I’ve been in one too many of THOSE relationships.
Something’s wrong with match.com.
I can’t put my finger on it… I’ve sent winks, emails… But no responses?
I’m going to do more research but I have to say that it was better years back before all these free dating sites like friendster and yahoo personals got brought up. I actually got contacts then.
At least I only wasted 35 dollars using paypal… I could have wasted a lot more.
@Glen – With a paid site, there are always folks who have accounts, but never reply (for the reasons in the article). But don’t be so quick to blame the site until you’ve had a good long look at your profile, your pictures, and your emails. There is always room for improvement.
Wow, I’m having the exact same problem – but with men! I’ve been on Match for three months, I’ve sent emails to thirty-three different men (I’ve counted) and have heard back from four. FOUR! And, yes, I can see when they’ve read the emails, so it’s anguish when they don’t respond. It has me so confused and frustrated that I’ve asked every man I know for their thought on my profile, pix, etc. Every wink or email I receive (precious few, I must add), I ALWAYS respond to. It takes a simple click of a button. I have NEVER ignored anyone, so it’s confounding as to why men can’t simply take one second to respond.
And of those four that responded, one asked me to call him, gave me his number, texted me a good time to call, but when I did, he didn’t answer. He then texted me the next day, apologized, and asked me to call again, which I did, only for him not to answer again. And, yes, he then texted again the next day, apologized, and asked for another phone call. What a moron! And another of the four seemed interested, then just stopped corresponding cold turkey.
All I’m looking for is a little common courtesy. If I can take the time to respond to folks, it’s not a lot to ask in return.
@lala
Almost choked reading that. So, you pick out the 2-3 guys with “no visible flaws”, and then are surprised that you are getting played? Homo Homini Lupus Est- you can (a) date the 5’7″ guy (b) be in the player’s harem or (c) be bitter and lonely about it …. what’s so bad about (b), that’s how half of the world’s civilizations work sweetheart….