An Adventurer’s Guide To Thanksgiving Survival

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Ever wanted to see Thanksgiving from the point of view of an adventurer?  What do you need to roll to save for tryptophan?  What’s the DC on the Diplomacy check needed to convince your mother that grandchildren are not a necessity just now?

I’ll solve these mysteries for you today!

Geek’s Dream Girl presents… An Adventurer’s Guide to Thanksgiving Survival.

The Centerpiece of the Holiday – The Bird

The Turkey is a cunning creature.  Even while dead, it can still exert its powers on even the hardiest of adventurers.  Its high Charisma allows it to draw you in with its succulent aroma and perfectly tanned skin.  While it doesn’t stand a chance against knives, teeth, or even prying fingers, The Turkey’s real evil is exerted after it is consumed and its Tryptophan power is activated.   A Fortitude roll of 40 is needed to avoid the effects, so few victims of The Turkey survive.   Instead, they fall fast asleep in the nearest recliner.

The Mother

The Mother appears sweet and innocent to all not related to her.   Her true nature is only revealed at family gatherings, where she is truly the Mistress of the House.  You know that story about the time you wet your pants in Sister Mary Martha’s second grade class and had to wear a pair of nun’s panties home?  Yeah, everyone’s going to hear that one again.  You’ll also be asked that age-old question about when you’re planning on getting married and popping out grandbabies.  Be ready roll at least a 30 in Diplomacy or you’ll hear complaints about how everyone else at her Book Club has grandbabies already.  How can you be so selfish?

The Kids’ Table

These are mere minions, but they are fast and shifty.    If you’re the “lucky” person to be in charge of supervising them, be forewarned.  If they break something in The Mother’s house, it will be your fault.  If they are injured in The Mother’s house, it will be your fault.  Kids.  You can’t live with them and you can’t tie ‘em up.  Your best bet is to try to organize some sort of activity to keep them entertained, but will they fall for your trickery?

Good Luck, Adventurers!

It is my hope that if you fail your Tryptophan save, that you have a nice nap.  I also hope that your relatives are not anything like the evil ones listed above.  (If they are, you have my sympathy!)  Be happy, be healthy, and be careful if you can’t be good!

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

Speak Your Mind