He Said, She Said: Don’t Mess With The Wizard

(Disclaimer: The racism of Joelle the half-elf wizard is in no way a reflection of the personal beliefs of her player.)

After much arguing about what to do with the money, some of us (*cough* my husband *cough*) decide to give all the money to the town.  I’m going to keep 8500 of mine and give the rest to Almraiven.

Sitting in the inn, I feel my coin purse shifting and my first instinct is to whip my staff back to smack whoever is behind me. There’s nobody there, but the blackie looks suspicious.  Drow are shifty horrible pieces of excrement and I wouldn’t put it past this one to steal from me.

I head into town to do some shopping with the part of the money I’m choosing to keep.  My husband can be all valorous and give his all away, but I’m not going out into the wilderness to fight battles in the cheap armor we came in with! The wizards are supplying us with enough clothes and basic provisions, but I get myself a nice new magical robe, a beautiful staff, and some shiny silken bracers.

Grey Fox, the blackie’s contact from Memnon tells us we need to find an amulet in some catacombs near Suldolphur.   We have to cross over the mountains, which is pretty tough.   The short route is never the easiest.  I fall and twist my ankle a bit but we make it to the monastery safe and sound.

Andric offers his services to help around the monastery for the evening.  I would have rather his arms stay wrapped around me for the night, but he can use them for charity… I suppose.  I kill time entertaining the other guests of the monastery with wizard parlor tricks until it’s time to retire to bed.

The next morning, there’s a really old man standing at the door.  He must be the Master of this monastery.  He accuses the blackie of stealing from the people in the monastery.  I whisper (really obviously) to Andric, “See? I told you that you can’t trust a blackie.”

The Master doesn’t look angry.  Andric steps up to ask what’s going on.  The Master explains that the blackie has been accused of theft.  At this point, I’m not terribly interested in what happens to the idiot. The Master assigns some ninja from his monastery to teach the blackie morality.  This should be hilarious.

We pack up our stuff and head off to Suldolphur.  We know that if we lift the paw of one of the gargoyles that the entrance to the crypt will reveal itself.  Problem is that the place is full of gargoyles.  What are we going to do – run around town shaking paws with all the statues?   Yes, apparently this is our ingenious plan.   Andric points out one of the gargoyles that looks like it’s set to move back.   He lifts the paw, the ground rumbles, and the gargoyle slowly moves back, leaving a 2 ft wide hole.

My husband cracks a sunrod, a total waste of supplies since his wife can cast Light.   Sometimes Andric just doesn’t think.

He hops into the hole first.  “Hey, come on, it’s empty!” he shouts.   I wait for the blackie to go in first.  I follow behind him and he disappears in front of my face.   Ugh.   What’s worse than a blackie?  A blackie rogue.

We’re in a square room with two corridors, one on each side. We can see the one to the right clearly but the one to the left is obscured in magical darkness.

Robinn says that he feels the forces of good and evil are fighting each other here.   I fire up my staff with a light charm.   It seems that part of the power is being pulled towards the left into the magical darkness.

“If the magic is this way, we should fight the magic darkness and go this way!”  Andric’s sense of logic is a little on the obvious side.  “Honey, come with me please.”

I come up behind him to see if my light makes any dent in the darkness, but it’s only about 15 feet.  Our ninja points out that there are traps to the right side, obviously guarding something.  He disarms one on the wall with the help of the blackie.  At least he’s useful for something.

We decide to go off to the left.  Andric scouts off in front with his Little Sunrod That Could.  At any given point, we can only see 15 feet or so in front of us.  Looking back, the corridor is clear, but the room we started in has disappeared into darkness.  We turn the corner and keep walking.  There’s a door to our left and the corridor which turns to the right.  Blackie unlocks the door.  It opens into a well-lit room with dead bodies everywhere.  Robinn points out that the corpses seem to be well-preserved.

We walk in to the room.  These seem like undead, but they’re not moving.  The ninja walks in and snaps the neck of one of the bodies.  The one at the far side of the room stands up and Ruairan our ranger shoots him down with one arrow.  The second one stands up and moves towards the ninja.  The third stands up with the same goal.

I cast my shadows in the space between the zombie and the blackie.   The shadows grab at both the zombie and the rogue, but not so well.   It’s a new spell, I’ll have to work on it some more.   The best part?  My hubby hadn’t seen the spell yet, so when he uses his warlord mojo to shift the rogue, the blackie took even more hurting.  Hahaha!  It was really funny.

My husband is being smacked by zombies, not good!   But then the blackie starts to attack me with his throwing stars.  “What’s going on here?” Andric shouts.  I try to get the darkie back, but I’m too weak to concentrate on the spell.

My hubby kills one zombie, Ruairan takes out the other one, and then shoots an arrow into the blackie’s hand.  He hits dead on.  “STOP. This is not the place!!” our normally silent ranger barks.

The blackie disappears and reappears behind me in the doorway.   The eladrin glares at me.  “Quit it. Move away from the drow.”  He pushes me out of the way.   The blackie throws more stars at me and I crumple to the ground.  Where is my husband?

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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