Okay, maybe I’m a little tipsy, but not really.
I’m a dwarf! We can handle our ale. For sure.
Anyhoo, the other drinks kinda were fast because there were some guys betting I couldn’t chug faster than them and I did because well, dwarf. Hello?
Seriously, humans need to fess up that they suck at drinking compared to dwarves and they always will. Just bite the arrow and admit it already. You suck. It’s okay, every race has to suck at something and y’all just suck at drinking.
So I wanted to write about Errich because well, I already wrote about Helion and Drash. So yeah, Errich. He comes in all hairy and halflingy and gives us this story about being some kind of boat repairman or something.
First off, never trust anyone who doesn’t keep both feet on the ground. That’s a dwarf saying my mother taught me and it is SO TRUE. Y’know, people who live on boats supposedly get these things called “sea legs”. I’m sorry, but I happen to like my land legs just fine. Some dude in the drinking contest said I had thunder thighs, which I’m pretty sure is a compliment.
So. Errich. He’s always had shifty eyes and has a weird habit of shoving things in his pockets while telling us it’s nothing, not worth anything, nothing to see here. I’m pretty sure not EVERYTHING is nothing, but hey.
But y’know the handy thing about rogues (cuz really, Errich, we kinda figured it out), is that they can pick locks and find traps and all that good stuff that the rest of us kinda stink at. Can you imagine me trying to pick a lock with my pudgy hands? Oh, especially that lock where Errich had to shove both hands in the giant mouth and do it with his eyes closed?
Ok, that looks really funny now that it’s out of context. Hee!
Of course, then he goes and gets himself arrested just as we’re coming back with the rescued slaves and are heros and whatever. I really have to get him to tell us the whole story about that sometime…
Maybe I’ll go find him in a few more beers…