Personal Ad Makeover Contest: Joshua (DURING)

Welcome back to Joshua’s profile.  Tarzan’s treehouse is pretty rickety.   There are boards that look loose, nails sticking out everywhere, and I’m pretty sure that’s not the blood of an animal in that corner over there.

I know, you’re scared.  But we won’t learn anything unless we go in and really examine the crime scene.   Hold my hand…

(Want to avoid a crime scene for your dating profile?  I can help!)

The Scene…

About Me And Who I’m Looking For

ME tarzan. ME grab vine swing to Jane cave. ME, Jane go eat at local water hole. ME tell embarassing story of Tarzan’s loin cloth fall down in front of whole tribe. Jane laugh till water come out her nose. Tarzan laugh at Jane, till he breathe no more and is crying. Tarzan catch breath before Jane call Witchdoctor. Me, Jane go to special cave with light flicker on cave wall. IT not violent horror movie with lot blood everywhere, it love story no like what tazan enjoy, but he hope for a few quick shot of love or nudity. Him not very lucky. It only PG. Tarzan swing Jane back to her cave. Tarzan, hope he get asked in to cave, but not get his hope up too much. Tarzan make sneak play for kisses. Then go home with big smile on face.

WowI am impressed with the ability to stay in character, but honestly, this story is wholly inappropriate for a personal ad.   Not to mention you’ve misspelled Tarzan towards the end.

I think all in all I am just seeking someone who is just after someone to share with in life.

Read this sentence out loud.   Yeah, exactly.

I would not like to date anyone who needs a boyfirend to validate who they are in this world. I guess i am after someone who doesnt need a boyfriend at all.

This part tells me that you’ve run into a lot of those girls or perhaps dated one.  There’s a better way to say this without saying it.  Stay tuned.

I just want someone to tell how bad life sucks, or how great life is, and listen to what they have to say about it. I need someone with a different point of view, but maybe not a completely oppostite stance. Maybe someone who can enlighten me about ME, and in this mean show me some new things new ideas, things i may not have considered and the like. I dont know.

This stream-of-consciousness writing is not doing anything for you other than making you seem really scatterbrained and wishy-washy.

I think i like the Tarzan/Jane stuff better. Yeah, Tarzan. I wish things were as simple as that. Seems lots of girls are after someone with a great sense of humor, but we all know that even the funniest guy has to also be good looking. I may just have to be funnier.

Self-deprecation works.  Sometimes.  Not here.  It’s a weak way to end and basically sends the girl right on to the next profile.

for fun:

Bad Movies. I am not talking flops, i mean rental places have to pay you to walk out the door with it bad. I like making fun of them while i watch with friends. Our own MST2K. No one has been able to beat my worst film pic ever: Terror Toons.

This stuff is great and needs to be featured in the main section of the profile.

my job:

I work out of _______.  _______. Seems i have always been in the frieght business. I guess one of the best things about it is the drive time 20 mins tops. I work with some great folks.

Eek!!  I know you’re a guy, but it is still not safe to give the crazies the exact location where they can stalk you.   Go with generalities about work until you get to know someone better.

my ethnicity:

Army Brat. Born in HI, moved to TX, back to HI, then to LA, and wrapped things up in AL. Road tripped through all the Southern states making up the US Cali to Carolinas. Kinda the Griswalds Family vaccations.

“Vaccations” somehow reminds me of both cows (la vache!) and vaccinations…

my religion:

I have my own view when it come to religion. I think for myself i dont let the moral swayings of church administations tell me how to think or what to do. Churches also tend to be more STATUS than worship. I guess it is what you make of it. WWJD

This stuff works when tweaked a bit.   Unless you want to offend the religious, I’d tone it down a little.

my education:

BAH!

Intriguing.  Why bah?

favorite hot spots:

Okay i have been here for over a year and i still dont have any cool spots. I guess the Vortex has great food and you gotta love the skull entrance.

Nix the first sentence.   Remember, never admit the things you don’t know.  Stick with what you DO.

favorite things:

Favs book:A Short History of a Small Place, Potter Series movie: Fall of the Roman Empire/To Kill a Mockingbird food: blueberry pancakes activity: taking pictures inactivity: SLEEP When it rains i sleep. Philosophical and political talks.

Match.com doesn’t format lists very well.   My solution?  Avoid lists.

last read:

I just wrapped the Potter Series. Awesome. I was going to D-Con and did not want anyone ruining it for me so i blazed through them. I am working on a Dresden Book Blood Rites. I am also learning and RPG: Alternity.

Make sure you keep this section as updated as possible.  Nothing is more embarrassing than admitting that you did read that book, but it was six months ago…

The treehouse blueprints are almost drafted and the builder monkeys have been contracted… are you ready to see the finished masterpiece?

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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