You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth? Where to Rein In Your Language

OMGWTF!?Let’s say you meet a pretty girl who seems nice and intelligent.  Do you:

a) Tell her she effin rocks your effin world… eff.
b) Brag about your sexual prowess
c) Tell her she’d better walk away right now if she can’t handle backhanded compliments, because your sarcasm is legendary.
d) None of the above.

Now, I’m not a prude.  When I stub a toe, I’ve been known to howl a few expletives.   I also own The Aristocrats.  However, I start reading some profiles and I begin to feel like some shocked Aunt Nelly.

Open Mouth, Insert Soap

I’ve known people for whom expletives were like the Once-ler’s Thneed  (It’s a noun! It’s a verb!  It’s a bicycle seat!).  However, if you can’t string together a couple of print sentences that are clean, you start to come off as… unimaginative, among other things.

Besides, if cursing is really in your nature, you probably don’t think about it; it flows in the natural cadence of your speech.  If you’re typing, you have to choose to type these words, and incidentally, they stand out way more in print.

Your profile is sort of like your best first impression, right?  There shouldn’t be any extraneous stuff at all that detracts from you – and that includes expletives, because I doubt they define you.

The Mental Image, It Burns

Now, I’m going to assume that if you’re reading this, you’re interested in finding love.   If you are, I’m telling you right now that sexually explicit user names, profile content and even quizzes like the ones on OkCupid can send majorly mixed messages.   Right this minute, I’m looking at the profile of a guy who seems really sweet, but I look at his quizzes and I see that half of them have to do with sex, including the ubiquitous “Slut” test, quizzes about fetishes and other blush-inducing topics.

If this isn’t the sort of stuff you’d bring up on a first date, or maybe even a second date, I’d say it’s a safe bet to just leave those off the profile.  Even if you take these tests in good fun, you can opt to delete them from your profile when you’re done, and leave the ones about zombie survivability and Firefly characters, if you feel they represent something about you.

“You’re funny… Funny-looking!”

I’m looking for someone who can handle my sarcasm…”  At this point, I’ve seen that sentiment on more profiles than I can count.

Here’s the thing:

Many people use the word ‘sarcasm‘ when they mean ‘self-deprecating‘ or even just  ‘witty.’  If you mean these things, or something else, go with those terms instead.

The line “sarcasm is anger’s ugly cousin” may come from a movie, but there’s a certain amount of truth in it.  If I see that you’re calling yourself sarcastic on your profile, I can’t tell if you mean that I’ll be crying from laughter or because you’re just plain mean.  And do I really want to risk finding out?

Honesty is important, and it’s best to be yourself.  When you’re proofreading your profile, make sure you’re sending the right messages with your choice of language and content.

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