Online Dating Etiquette 101: What If She’s Not Like Her Picture

Let’s imagine together, geek friends…

You’ve found this great girl on your favorite dating site.  She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s got similar interests.

You talk for hours on IMs and then on the phone.  Things are looking pretty good.

You set up a date.  As you’re walking towards the coffeehouse you see her.   Or well, you think it’s her…

We’ve All Done It

Unless you’re a model or are friends with a shutterbug, you probably don’t have a whole lot of recent pictures.

And besides, that picture of you from 2000 was so awesome.  The perfect angle, the perfect smile, the perfect outfit.  You looked dashing!

Ironically enough, men are usually the ones that post up old pictures, particularly of the times when they had more hair.

Women post up old pictures of our thinner days.  (I’m guilty there – but not to extremes!)

The Horrible, Horrible Scene

You meet up with this girl and she’s 50 pounds heavier than her picture.  Maybe she got a case of chicken pox and her face is now mottled with scars. She’s recently dyed her hair the same hot pink that your ex used to use?  Oh yeah, she didn’t mention that either.

Or maybe she’s aged in a less than graceful way.  It happens.

No matter what the scenario, you’re now on a date with someone that you’re not attracted to anymore.

What Do You Do?

The schools of thought here are many, ranging from total ass up to perfect gentleman.  You’ll find people who will advocate running away, those who say you should tell her straight up that she needs to stop the false advertising, and those who will advise posting a website about how fake she is so other guys will know to avoid her at all costs.

But we’re geeks here.  We’re nicer than all that.

My advice is to stick it out and complete the date as promised.  Once you’re in the safety of your own home, then you can make your next move.

Do not – I repeat, DO NOT – disappear into thin air.  That is unbelievably rude and disrespectful to her as a human being.

Send her an email and let her know that while you had a fun time on your date, you just don’t think you feel a spark that would indicate you’d get on as more than friends.

This lets her down gently AND opens the door for you to have a new female friend.  After all, you did get along fine over IMs and phone.

I’m going to say something there that makes me feel a bit like one of those skeevy pick-up artist bloggers, but it’s true and worth mentioning:   Girls have girl friends.  Sometimes these friends are hot. The more girls you are friends with, the more your social circle opens to more women.

Being friendly pays off, geek friends.  Turn lemons into lemonade whenever you can.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

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