First Contact Emails: Don’t Thunder Toward The Castle At Full Speed


This is the thought that you want furthest from the mind of the women you email, right?

Too bad your email makes her think that very thought.

What?  Really, e?

Really, Geek Friends.  Really.

Thundering Toward the Castle

Let me give you an example of a first contact email that someone shared with me (some details changed to protect the not-so-innocent):

Hi (insert girl name here),

I notice that you have seen Ben Folds live every time he’s been within 3 hours of town.  I like his stuff, but haven’t seen him live – it must be worth it if you have done it so many times.  What’s your favorite song by him?

I am sure you hear this a lot but you are absolutely beautiful! I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you.

If you have a chance to take a look at my profile in your spare time, perhaps something might catch your eye and if so, I’d welcome the opportunity to take this a little further.  A movie, drinks, or a dinner? Your choice, my treat.  What do you say?

- (insert your name here)

This email started out GREAT – he mentioned details about her profile and tied them to his own interests.  But then he launched into two big no-no’s:

  • He mentioned her physical appearance.
  • He got wimpy and begged her to pleeeeease look at his profile.
  • He skipped over several steps in the online dating process and went straight to asking her out on a date!

How This Looks From Her Standpoint

  1. “Oh look, this guy emailed me.”
  2. “His default pic is pretty cute, I wonder what he’s gonna say.”
  3. “Oh cool! He likes Ben Folds too.”
  4. “Ugh, seriously? This is turning into every other email from every other pervvy guy who thinks I’m hot and wants into my pants.”
  5. “The only thing that’s catching my eye is he’s probably some perv who only emailed me because I’m pretty and like Ben Folds.”
  6. “WHAT?  A date?  Um, I don’t even KNOW this guy and he wants to take me out already?”
  7. “Um, uh… I don’t even know how to reply to that.  I think I’ll just delete it.”

It’s All About Comfort Zone

Assume that the average girl doing online dating isn’t 100% comfortable with meeting people in real life that she’s only experienced in pixels.

Now imagine forcing the idea of not only meeting her ASAP, but meeting her in the context of hopefully eventually having a love/sex relationship.

Yeah.  It feel just like the person taking the picture of the jousting knight.  It’s big and scary, it has a mask on, and it’s COMING RIGHT FOR YOU!!!

Keeping your romantic interests comfortable will help you make that date happen – when the time is right.   In a first contact email, the only thing you should propose is that she answers one more question you have about her.

In fact, our mystery bachelor above could have cut out everything below the first question mark and had a great first contact email.

Short. Sweet. NOT Scary.

You can do this, Geek Friends.  I have faith in you and your mighty steed.  Take things at a steady trot and you’ll get to the castle with the maiden by your side.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

Speak Your Mind