The other day, I was having a conversation with a guy about online profiles, and I realized we had very different opinions about what the term “curvy” meant. He felt that the word was just a euphemism for being overweight. I had a much more elaborate description. It occurs to me that it’s important that we’re all on the same page, because “curvy” is a term women use to describe themselves.
Here’s a little bit about what they might be thinking…
First, it’s important to remember that body type is totally subjective. Wii Fit might tell a girl that her weight is normal, but Howard Stern might say she’s overweight, because his standards are very narrow. E describes this problem in one of her National Examiner posts.
E mentions in her post that women from the UK proudly call themselves curvy when they’re quite small. (Curvy there is more of a reference to breast size than weight.) I had a similar experience; where I grew up, there were many girls from Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, and the word “curvy” was thrown around a lot, referring to shape, not weight. Even today, culture plays a role in definition.
Historically, as in, say, the last 100 years, the term “curvy” typically meant one who was noticeably hourglass-shaped, or maybe just a girl who was genetically blessed in the, ah, bust area. You could weigh 100 lbs and be five-foot-two, and be curvy. You could also be five-foot-ten and curvy – it was the proportions that counted, not the weight. If you were simply overweight, you might use a word like “plump” or “round.”
In the past few years, curvy has seemed to become synonymous with overweight. Personally, I think it just goes right along with the glorification of stick-thin women like Nicole Richie – it’s not enough to be healthy and thin, but any curves are now associated with fat, and must be eradicated. I recently read that Scarlett Johansson was attempting to lose all extra weight, and work with Gwenyth Paltrow’s trainer. I think most guys would agree that Scarlett is fine the way she is, curves and all.
Many women, overweight or not, think “curvy” is the best description of themselves. When you’re narrowing your search parameters, it’s important to remember that body type deals not only with your subjectivity, but hers. If they have slightly low self-esteem or are self-conscious, a girl might think she has “a few extra pounds,” when anyone looking at her might say she’s average, or even slender (maybe she used to weigh 100, put on some weight, and is now 120).
It’s great do a custom search, but it’s also important to really branch out and see what’s out there. It would be a shame to miss out on an awesome match simply because the two of you weren’t on the same page in descriptive terms.
Besides, is body type really the most important qualifier when you’re looking for love?
About j
Personally, since my vision broadened in my mid twenties, I love a woman with curves. I wish my eyes had opened earlier, because I have realized I missed some opportunities because of my narrow vision.
As for the Scarlett Johansson thing, she is playing the Black Widow in the next Iron Man movie, so I think she’s trying to get a more “athletic” body for the part, rather than slim down because it’s what hollywood wants.
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I do believe Sir Mix-A-Lot has something to say in regard to this conversation, but you’d have to ask him directly.
i’ve been with my share of body types all under 5’6″ so no amazons(yet) but every size from 0 to 16 and i gotta say, my favorites are from 4-12 at that height, mostly 10-12 curvy is classy, but i’m not gonna lie, i like sporty(not skinny) girls, too
Body size is not the most important qualifier, but it is a qualifier and body size can sometimes (and I stress “sometimes”) give insights into a person’s psychology as well.
I think body shape and size can indicate how much of an active life style a person lives, which can be a qualifier for attractiveness based upon individual’s desires. Other qualifiers would have to be taken in account too, such as hobbies and activities written into the profile.
When I did online dating, and did searches, I would check average, curvy, and a few pounds over, but that would be as far as I would go. Since I like active people, I considered the probability of an overweight person matching my desires to be low enough as to not include them in my searches.
I do like curvy(Fat) girls, and sometimes I get annoyed when a girl says she is “curvy” and really is yet another stickly waif.
..Odd trend, most of the girls I’ve dated tend to be ridiculously skinny. Sigh.
How interesting that most if not all of the replies so far are about the respondent’s preferences and experiences with girls of different body shapes. They miss the main point of the article, which is that “curvy” means different things to different people. That has me wondering, what other words should be used carefully or avoided entirely for that reason?
@mwalimu – I was wondering the same thing! Hmm… I think “average” is a good place to start.
To me, “curvy” has always meant an hourglass shape, as in big bust, small(er) waist, and roundish hips/ass. However, in my many searches online dating searches, I’ve seen almost every body type mismatch that there could possible be. From stick thin girls calling themselves BBW to tall overweight women as petite. The same can be said for guys, particularly in how they define their own height.
As in many things, the physical descriptions are pretty subjective for most people. In my experience, I don’t even bother using the listed criteria as it is typically unreliable. Instead it’s probably better for people to look at pictures and the written description, or even simply meeting in real life before dismissing someone’s body type.
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That’s what I get from posting while working, talking on the phone and doing other online things.
I had intended to include something that was summed up nicely by Matt above.
Caesar Agumbus´s last blog post..Is it really that crazy?
Physical descriptions, especially when making them about yourself, are totally subjective due to all the factors people have already mentioned (self-esteem, culture, etc) and more. This can lead to several problems while internet dating…including, but not limited to, dismissing the profile of someone who could be your perfect match because of how they described themselves (or being dismissed) or going to the first date, “failing” to meet the other person’s expectations and then wondering why you never got another call back.
I could be wrong (and I am too tired right now to try to find the evidence to back my claim) but I am pretty sure that E recommends including at least one full length body shot in your profile photos. That way, prospective dates can read how you describe yourself but then make their own decisions based on the hard evidence. (However, using a 5 year old, 50 lbs. lighter photo brings us back to square one. lol)
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I really wish they would do away with the whole “body type” thing myself and just have us put in our weight. Plain and simple. I weigh 140 lbs and I never know if I should put “skinny”, “average”, or “athletic” because I am all of those or somewhere in between all of those.
I think it more has to do with the assumption that people aren’t 100% honest in their online profiles, ergo they look for areas that people can fudge and assume that they do. Add in that a lot of larger women like to use the term as a descriptor and some may view curvy as a red flag term.
The best solution (IMO) is to post current pictures that are full shots. No funny angles or pictures from 10 years ago. That goes for men and women… that head shot on a guy is probably hiding a beer gut.
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@ Lee – Oh gosh, no!! Let’s put it this way. I’m 5’7″ and come from large stock. We have big heads in the Foley/Pilat line. Really big heads. If I get even get close to 140, I look anorexic. I look best between 150-165. My college roomie from freshman year was also 5’7″. She had a slender runner’s build and looked fine at 125. With my bone structure and ginormo-skull, I’d look like a heroin addict at 125. Weight would NEVER work.
This is true. One of my sisters is the same height as me (5’3″). However, whereas I literally am a curvy sort and have always looked best between 120-135, she is a classic ectomorph. We were recently pleased because she finally cracked 100 lbs.
Well, just as a suggestion then, perhaps it would be best to suggest that women just avoid the word “curvy” in describing themselves, simply to avoid confusion? Why risk losing a really good match over a simple misunderstanding of terms?
Personally, if I want to know if they are physically my type, I just look for pictures, rather than try to figure out from numbers on the profile. That seems the easiest way.
It’s interesting that you used Scarlett Johansson as an example, because I just read an article on her reported training/weight loss by the lady herself. She stresses the difference between maintaining a healthy body weight and crash dieting, and how the media is not helping the millions of people who suffer from eating disorders or are vulnerable to developing one.
Btw, J, I totally agree with this: “It would be a shame to miss out on an awesome match simply because the two of you weren’t on the same page in descriptive terms.”
For searchers: I think your best bet if you’re searching is to do your “ideal” body types as one saved custom search and then do a second custom search for the next two body types up from that. So one from Slender & Athletic and another for Average & Curvy. Check your A list first and then check the B list to see if there are any there who maybe were a little hard on themselves.
For ladies: I think what many ladies forget with online dating is communication works BOTH WAYS. Seek out the men you want and EMAIL THEM. Don’t be afraid of rejection. It’s going to happen and that’s okay. Most guys will be nice enough not to email you back and say, “OMG – YOU ARE WAY TOO FAT FOR ME! STEP AWAY FROM THE CHEESEBURGER!” Be proactive and find matches; don’t wait for matches to come to you.
@e – Well, thank you, e. I now think I may have an Apple Jack halfway up out my nose.
I tend to agree with those who say that online profiles aren’t exactly honest. I love curves, the only thing it that it’s hard to decipher what the person who wrote it actually means. ALL women are beautiful. Regards!
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I’d be interested in your take on other trigger words in dating profiles. For example, any woman that describes herself as “sassy” will be fat. You can take this one to the bank. I’ve often wondered why this is, perhaps you’d have some insight.
Another trigger word, though one that doesn’t often come up in profiles: sinful. I have never heard or seen a thin person describe a food as sinful.
I agree with Lee, it’s a difficult thing picking just one word…. if there were something between “proportionate”, “full-figured”, “athletic” and “curvy”, it’d be me.
According to my doctor I could stand to lose a few pounds, but when 80% of what I’d lose is muscle, I’ll concentrate less on the weight and more on having fun being active.
Here’s a thought: People use the computer way too much to develop their perceptions of the other. How about not having any pictures or “descriptions” and just meeting up for coffee for 20 minutes and chatting. You got along well enough to want to meet. So, you could either find love or a good friend. You are not “duped” and the concept of misrepresentation does not exist. Don’t be that person who is embarrassed to befriend a fat or disfigured person. Be honored and flattered that someone is interested in you no matter what they look like.
Internet dating sees some shallow individuals who will stay single for a very, very long time. It is very easy to fall into the trap of objectifying people when you are seeing them through an online profile. Forget the pictures, brief words and lousy descriptions and jump straight to emailing and talking on the phone. Use the phone time to probe an individual… “Well, I weigh a little more than I like, but I’ve lost 5 pounds in a month and …. etc…” This sounds better, doesn’t it? In a phone call… Then, you can meet briefly – no strings attached – and have a friendly chat… Then, maybe you can be friends or continue to grow towards a relationship. People are not in the computer! People are not in the computer!
Here’s another rant: People always complain about misrepresentation, but when they describe who they are looking for, the cast the net so wide that the people misrepresenting themselves have no idea what you really want. Example: match.com has the “About her/his date…” columns.. Invariably under the “Body Type” description I see every body type listed! WTF?? So, you say you’d consider an overweight person; however, you’re pissed if they are more overweight than they described or are not skinny…. Well, start by being very specific and stating “I will only date people with specific height, weight, proportion, hair or no hair criteria” I’ll bet you never have the problem again of “misrepresentation” if you do this… But you will sound shallow.
My point is that you need to stop relying on the computer to qualify your dates… it messes you up psychologically. Use the online dating service as a contacts list of sorts and get out there and see people… talk to them… do it often… get a system where you aren’t really put out or spending a lot of money… I usually meet at starbucks because there is one everywhere. And it’s easy to bolt if it gets awkward. I will go out with anyone once. I don’t care what they look like. And, I will respect them and be friendly.