Is it a good idea to check out “your competition” on your online dating site? I’m going to argue both sides of this topic in two different posts.
In today’s post, why that’s a horrible, horrible idea. For the sequel, how scoping out the competition can help you!
So you’ve done it… you’ve taken whatever steps necessary to keep the other dudes from noticing you’re scoping them out (on match.com, that involves hiding your profile temporarily).
You find your profile, you click on “more like him“… and you get a listing of guys who are freakin’ Chippendales. (And straight to boot!)
Shoot! No wonder you’re getting zero emails… compared to these guys, you look more like this…
How can you compete with those studs? Your suckitude knows no bounds. You’re boring, you’re ugly, you smell vaguely of nerd whiff. No woman would ever think about looking at you, nevermind wanting to date you, and the idea of having sex with one? Yeah, better get that out of your head. There’s no way you’d compete with Chip and Dale there.
So you figure, “Maybe they’re all looks but no substance! They can’t be as smart and well-rounded as me!“
Click.
- Chip is the CFO of a small but influential local business. He enjoys golf, ballroom dancing, and grilling his own steaks. His dream? To find a woman who loves Dancing With The Stars and a good t-bone.
- Dale is an artist, but not the starving type. His recent collection of paintings has taken the local art world by storm and he’s already sold one to Donald Trump. Oh, and he’s dying to get married and have at least 3 kids.
Well, shit. Now what? You might as well give up on dating. Actually, you might as well give up on just about everything because the beautiful, successful sexy people rule the world and you are not one of them.
You’re either laughing because the past few paragraphs read exactly like your train of thought regarding dating or you got pissed that I would say such horrible things.
(If it’s the latter, please remove your tighty-whities from up your crack. I don’t really think those things about you!)
This, my friends, is exactly why you shouldn’t scope out your “competition” on your online dating site.
Is this you?
- You’re already pretty upset about not getting many dates.
- You have a tendency to compare yourself to others (and you usually draw the conclusion that they’re better than you).
- You can throw a pretty mean pity party for one.
Yes, it’s you? Don’t scope out your competition. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and trust me, you probably will if you check out the “more like him” list.
Boost your dating self-esteem:
- By chatting with friends or a dating coach (J and I are available for chat!).
- With a new dating profile that shows you in the best light possible! We really know how to make geeks shine (and it has nothing to do if you have Chippendale physique or a six-figure job).
No? You may benefit from scoping them out. Stay tuned for the next post to see why it could help you.
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Did you scope out your competition and regret it?
About e
Though they do exist, I think for the most part, the Chips and Dales you are describing are few and far between on most sites. My thoughts are that you are more likely to learn what not to do by checking out your competition as I think 95% of males really don’t have a clue of the online attraction process.
Matt Savage´s last blog post..Social Proof in Online Dating Profiles
@ Matt – That second part will be on Thursday’s post!
As far as the Chips and Dales, it really depends on your self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you’re going to see most of the people “like” you as better than you in some way. I remember doing it myself in my early days doing online dating… checking the list of girls who were “like” me and figuring I was doomed because they were all so much prettier than me. When your self-esteem is low, you see what you want to see, which is more stuff to reinforce your low self-esteem.
Based on what I’ve seen, those who are easy on the eyes who are advertising on a dating site are the same ones that will call you at three in the morning to talk about how hot you look right now… and you’re in bed alone.
I’m willing to bet that there are exceptions, but if they say they’re awesome entrepreneurs who make six figures and have a fantastic body then either A: they’re grossly overestimating their own abilities (i.e. lying their ass off) or B: there’s a dump truck full of crazy that they’re not letting you know about.
My opinion, of course.
@Matt – LOL about the “dump truck full of crazy!” I know several people like that. Looks great on the outside, but when you open the hood… oh good gods!
Let me tell you, I’ve had more than my fair share of crazy, and the adage tends to be true. Beautiful people tend to be crazy. See the “Bubble” episode of 30 rock. Their appearance lets them get away with things.
But quite honestly, when it comes to males and online dating sites, if you have a job you’re probably a great deal more eligible than at least 75% of the rest of the population.
The thing of about..Chip N Dales is that they are few and far between, and let’s get logistical here, they can only be dating so many girls at once.
@messerole – Good to see you back! Where were ya all of May?
You make such good points!
Ha! Well, I got a girlfriend now, so in a good way, I do find myself frequenting the whole ‘dating advice’ circuit a bit less.
@ messerole – Good for you!!
I’m so glad to hear you found someone.