Dear Anon-O-Box: There’s a Hole in My Dating History

Dear Anon-O-Box,

I had a mental breakdown and subsequently stopped dating while in recovery. I have a nice car, a decent apartment, a stable career, but few dates. What can I do to address the “dating gap” on my profile?

- Back On My Feet

Dear Feet,

Congratulations on your recovery!  I’m glad to hear that you’ve gotten the help you needed to get well again.   (Other readers out there who are struggling with mental illness – seriously, get help!  You don’t have to live life like that!)

So what do you do about this gap in your dating history?

Don’t address it in your profile.  Seriously.  For starters, your dating profile doesn’t need to list everything about you.  Think of it like the trailer for a movie – you want to feature the best parts so people want to come see the whole show.

Is this lying?  No.

Let’s imagine.  You write your dating profile and feature all the cool things about you.   Someone writes you, you write back, everything is going all cool.   You go out on a date and really have great chemistry.  Then they ask, “So when was your last relationship?

Cue screeching tires?  Nah.  You’ve got the chemistry built up already, so you can be a little more forthcoming.

I haven’t dated in a bit.  I was really focused on improving my own life for a while so I’d be ready when the right person came around.

Then ask your date something that gets them talking about their own life.  Down the road, if things are going really well, then you might share about your illness and how you overcame it, but it’s really irrelevant to a relationship that’s just starting.

Best of luck and happy dating, Geek Friend.

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