Soon after the word got out that my spouse wanted a divorce, I started getting asked out. While I’m flattered (and need to be flattered) right now, the divorce isn’t final yet and I don’t know what’s appropriate. It’s understood that I’m not looking for a new relationship yet, and while I think going out to be social would be fun and do me some good, I don’t want people to get the wrong impression. Is there a road map for any of this?
- Stung and Separated
It’s funny, isn’t it? You have a “problem” a lot of guys would love to have – you’re being asked out by a bunch of ladies! – but on the other hand, you’re in a situation that makes that “problem” a little awkward.
This situation is not unique – lots of men find that they’re approached immediately upon news of their separation or divorce. The only way I can think to explain it is this: these are often ladies you’ve been friends with while being married who carried a little torch for you, but never acted on it since you were attached. Now that you’re free, they’re jumping in to be the first to claim you before you’re snatched up again.
There’s nothing wrong with going out with these women as long as you make your intentions clear from the start. If you don’t want a relationship right now, be sure you communicate that in no uncertain terms.
As for the rest of the world? Life is too short to care about what the old ladies are gossiping about. If it makes you happy, do it!
If being part of the rumor mill would be harmful to you (due to your job or social standing the community), then it might be best to be social through more accepted means like attending or organizing a board game night or engaging in other mixed-gender group activities like bowling or movie outings.
Enjoy your new freedom and happy dating, geek friend!