A lovely reader asked me to write about online dating profiles that are showstoppers. What makes a showstopper? Can everyone have one?
Back in the 80s, all you needed to be a showstopper were lasers. Every kid I knew either had a laser background portrait or was pissed off at their parents for not letting them get a laser background portrait.
Alas, nowadays you need more than a laser backdrop to be impressive and cool.
Here are the two major ways to have a showstopper online dating profile:
Get Professional Photos
No matter how hot you are, you will look way better if you leave your photography in the hands of professionals. This goes double if all your photos are over a year old or taken by yourself using a cell phone, webcam, or with the timer function of your digital camera.
ProTip: Bring two changes of clothes for your shoot (a total of three outfits) to show different sides of your personality. Try one formal/business, one business casual, and one casual.
Show, Don’t Tell
Think back to a book that had a character you really liked (or hated, the key is a strong emotional reaction). What made you feel that way about that character? It certainly wasn’t other characters saying “John is good, honest, and always puts his family first.“ It wasn’t people reading the police report that said, “Ms. Swanson was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.”
Nope.
It was “seeing” the ACTIONS of the characters that made you love or hate them. It was choking up when your favorite character sold his grandfather’s pocket watch to buy food for his family. It was the rage you felt at the killer’s total lack of empathy for the women and children he mowed down with his machine gun.
Obviously your profile won’t be that extreme.
But the difference between a showstopper online dating profile and one that’s just “meh” is in those details.
If you SHOW your reader what it’s like to be in your life, they’ll be much more compelled to contact you.
For example:
Meh: “I love to ski, snowboard, and even snowshoe.”
Showstopper: “Nothing beats carving a path down a mountain, especially when the snow is crisp and fresh. I’m the guy with the Jayne hat – bright orange, of course.”
Make A Showstopper
Let’s put you to the test, my wonderful minions. I’ll give you ten “meh” statements that I’ve made up based on typical things one might mention in a dating profile. Pick one (or two!) and re-write it into a showstopper in the comments.
- In the summer, I love to grill every night if possible.
- My favorite TV shows often involve science or science fiction.
- I go to board game night every Thursday with friends.
- I’m learning how to rollerblade.
- I’m semi-addicted to Wii Fit.
- My parents and I are very close.
- I have my son on the weekends.
- Music is my passion.
- I’m renovating my house and loving it.
- I am an architect.
Have at it, geek friends! Don’t worry if someone took the one you wanted – there are plenty of different ways to “showstopper” the same idea!
About e
High-quality photographs are extremely important. If you can afford it, get them done by a professional photographer who will take time to sit down and get to know you (not a Wal-Mart “studio”, not fake looking like GS).
A less expensive alternative is a friend who likes to take photos, if their photos look good to you. To reciprocate, take them out to dinner.
ALL publicity photos of celebs are retouched, so you should not be shy about having visual problems photoshopped away. Acne, messy hair, a bit of weight gain, distractions in the background are transient but loom large in portraits…get rid of them before posting that photo!
So is that anyone we know up there in that laser background portrait?
@ Ken – Nopers. Just a girl I yoinked from the laser portraits site. Sadly, all my kiddie pics are being held hostage at my parents’ house.
You mentioned a lot about photos and yes they are important. I would hope this would not lead people to think they need to go to Glamour shots or something. That’s not what you’re going to look like. While they should be done by a pro, or at least a friend that knows their way around the camera. If you choose the latter, prepare to have their dinner ready for them or at least a favor in return.
@ A Written Fad – Glamour Shots, definitely not (they tend to doll people up wayyyyy too much). But you can often find a local photographer or even a photography student from a local university who could do a great shoot of you. (Possibly for less money than GS, even!)
I would like to comment on the professional photographs. While I definitely agree they would help, I would recommend a person (especially women) still attach one or two more candid pictures where it is very easy to match the face to the professional pictures. Otherwise you may get mistaken for some sort of marketing scam (or more likely for women, a front for a porn site).
Here are my rewrites…
1. Tossing a couple of juicy, marinated steaks on the grill every day, listening to the popping sound as the juices fall into the hot coals, with some potatoes slowly cooking beside them, and waiting for that delicious perfection to finish its mystical process is a great thrill. Can’t you just smell it?
5. Listening to sound of the waves crashing on the beach as I jog with my dog, waving to the people as they pass, and the morning measurements as my weight slowly creeps lower and lower gives Mii the best feeling!
On 8 I have something like this:
I’m currently really into neo-Balkan music, which really got excited about after descovering Beirut. (but I will have to keep this kind of update current)
One thing I really hate is reading profile where the girl says stuff like, “I like just about any kind of music”, which I tend to read as “I have very low standards for music” or “I’ll listen to any Country, Rap, or Pop that local stations play”
Well, that might be the case…not everyone has high minded musical tastes mind you.
@SlothPaladin and @messerole – Too true! I, for example, have a music degree, and when I say I like ALL music I mean it – even pop, at which many in the academic world turn up their noses. I try to get that point across, though.
@messerole and @J
I think part of my issue with a statement like that is it almost seems like just a plea to appeal to the masses, rather then a statement of preference and I seem to have a negative knee jerk reaction to things like that. If music isn’t very important to someone why bring it up at all? A girl talking about something she is passionate about is a whole lot sexier then one who seems to be indifferent just so she can have a larger dating pool. And I am guessing that some girls feel the same way.
I have a comment about candid shots with others. Always, always type a note about who is in the shot. Its great seeing that you are good with kids, but let everyone know its your niece. And for those party shots – tell me its your best friend and her husband. I always wonder “Is that her kid?” or “Is the only picture she has where she is smiling with her ex?”
@ Jeremy – A very good point. I usually suggest to my clients to have one or two pictures of them doing some sort of activity they enjoy – playing a sport or a game, throwing a frisbee for their dog, climbing a wall, whatever.
Love your showstoppers!
@ Sloth – Music is a toughie, isn’t it? I wonder if anyone’s ever been dumped over their poor taste in music?
@ Michael – I really try to avoid group shots when possible. The big thing is that lots of people post them without asking the permission of the other folks in the shot. If I were a parent, I’d be really peeved if someone posted my kid’s picture on their dating profile!
@e -
I don’t think it’s possible to dump someone over poor musical taste, since music is one of the most subjective tastes in the world.
Differing tastes in music? Definitely. But no matter if I like it or not, I can’t call anyone’s musical taste poor in any objective manner.
Rewrite for #1:
In the summer, nothing beats a frozen margarita and the scent of steaks sizzling on the grill. I have every dog in the neighborhood at my fence at least twice a week!
Rewrite for #9:
I never thought I’d get a kick out of sanding wood and re-painting my living room, but there’s something about the smell of sawdust and paint fumes that makes me feel it’s a job well done.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Oklahoma Ranked Number 1 in Cost of Living =-.