Dear Anon-O-Box: Should Fat Date Fat?

Dear Anon-O-Box,

Do overweight girls look for overweight guys? I’m always afraid of contacting slim (and even self-confessed curvy) girls because I’m worried that they are out of my league.  I know that nothing ventured = nothing gained, but just now I don’t have enough confidence in my looks (or charm) to deal with that.

- Teddy Bear Needs A Hug

Dear Teddy,

You’re lucky because I (pssst, it’s E this time!) can speak from experience being on both ends of the spectrum.   I’m currently a curvy girl – at my highest weight and working my way back to healthy again.  But I’ve also been a semi-athletic size 8 back in the days when I was a gym bunny.

Here’s what I can say, without a doubt, about your question:

You miss all of the shots you don’t take.

You will often see overweight people dating other overweight people and skinny people dating skinny people, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they chose the person because of their body type.   Oftentimes, it means the couple shares a certain lifestyle.   Maybe they’re both runners like my college roommate and her hubby.  Or maybe they both have a sweet tooth and love to bake and eat their own pastries.

At one point during my curvier years in college, I was on a Greyhound bus traveling to visit a friend.   We stopped to pick up more passengers and a short (we’re taking 5’2″-5’3″) thin black man sat next to me.  First, he tried to convince me to join his church.  Then, he tried to convince me to run off to Texas with him and be his wife.  “I love big women with long hair,” he said.  I still get a giggle every time I think about him.

Biologically we’re hardwired to feel attraction to those who would produce the healthiest offspring.  Sociologically, we’re being programmed to feel attraction to those whose bodies mirror those in the media.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t make choices for reasons only our hearts understand.

It’s possible to find love at any size.  While it might take a little longer if you’re outside of society’s norms, it doesn’t exclude you from the possibility.

Email those girls you’re attracted to, no matter whether they are pixies or curvy girls.  The worst that will happen is that you won’t get a reply.  Very, very, very few women would take the initiative to write a reply to insult your body type.   (And honestly, if you read their profiles, you can probably tell which ones would find such a thing a dealbreaker and avoid contacting them in the first place.)

Take those shots, Teddy.  You never know when you’ll hit a home run.

Happy dating, geek friends.

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