Dear Anon-O-Box: Should Fat Date Fat?
Written by Anon-O-Box
August 7, 2009
5 Comments
Dear Anon-O-Box,
Do overweight girls look for overweight guys? I’m always afraid of contacting slim (and even self-confessed curvy) girls because I’m worried that they are out of my league. I know that nothing ventured = nothing gained, but just now I don’t have enough confidence in my looks (or charm) to deal with that.
- Teddy Bear Needs A Hug
Dear Teddy,
You’re lucky because I (pssst, it’s E this time!) can speak from experience being on both ends of the spectrum. I’m currently a curvy girl – at my highest weight and working my way back to healthy again. But I’ve also been a semi-athletic size 8 back in the days when I was a gym bunny.
Here’s what I can say, without a doubt, about your question:
You miss all of the shots you don’t take.
You will often see overweight people dating other overweight people and skinny people dating skinny people, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they chose the person because of their body type. Oftentimes, it means the couple shares a certain lifestyle. Maybe they’re both runners like my college roommate and her hubby. Or maybe they both have a sweet tooth and love to bake and eat their own pastries.
At one point during my curvier years in college, I was on a Greyhound bus traveling to visit a friend. We stopped to pick up more passengers and a short (we’re taking 5’2″-5’3″) thin black man sat next to me. First, he tried to convince me to join his church. Then, he tried to convince me to run off to Texas with him and be his wife. “I love big women with long hair,” he said. I still get a giggle every time I think about him.
Biologically we’re hardwired to feel attraction to those who would produce the healthiest offspring. Sociologically, we’re being programmed to feel attraction to those whose bodies mirror those in the media.
But that doesn’t mean we don’t make choices for reasons only our hearts understand.
It’s possible to find love at any size. While it might take a little longer if you’re outside of society’s norms, it doesn’t exclude you from the possibility.
Email those girls you’re attracted to, no matter whether they are pixies or curvy girls. The worst that will happen is that you won’t get a reply. Very, very, very few women would take the initiative to write a reply to insult your body type. (And honestly, if you read their profiles, you can probably tell which ones would find such a thing a dealbreaker and avoid contacting them in the first place.)
Take those shots, Teddy. You never know when you’ll hit a home run.
Happy dating, geek friends.
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Well, to answer in short, yes, overweight girls DO look for overweight guys. The idea is that a larger partner will make her look thinner.
That said, this works even better if a girl is a so-called ‘skinny’ type. So generally, shallowly as a man, you don’t really have to worry about your weight being an obstacle to your romantic life. I have a friend who weighs 300+ lbs. (obese) who manages to successfully court women.
Don’t give up. Confidence and personality is key to attracting women. If you want to work on superficial aspects, make more money. As a man, appearance matters less for you.
There are girls who are of course, the exception, but mathematically you’ll probably find more success with the above advice.
@ messerole – Thanks for bringing up the point that slipped my mind. It is true – bigger guys make girls look smaller, and it’s nice to feel small (especially when you’re not so small).
also – a lot of girls like a cuddly guy….and a bigger guy has a much better cuddle factor
My twin sister is quite curvy, but not overweight, and when I told her about this article (thing? I don’t really know the word for it, sorry) she laughed. Her fiance is 360lbs, and she says quite simply that she “doesn’t care.” She’s 130lbs (so not tiny, but far from obese) and had a thing for him from day one. He’s not particularly confident, but has a great sense of humor, is always willing to listen to someone’s problems, and gives appropriate advice. However, his lack of confidence nearly made him drop the ball when a friend of ours asked him why he hadn’t already asked her out when it was so-very-clear that he was quite smitten with her. Even when he was informed that yes, she was quite smitten with him too, he nearly told her that it wouldn’t work because he was so terrified she would turn him down in the end.
If a girl is only interested with a guy for his looks, psh. She probably won’t get very far. All you big guys out there, don’t fret so much about your weight! The great girls don’t care if you need to shed a few pounds if you’re loyal, funny, and generally have a good personality.