Off the top of my head, I can think of at least three married couples I know who met originally through the Internet. What makes their stories even more special is that they were all international – one of each pair had to leave friends, family and country behind to be with the one they loved.
Tell their stories enough times and they start to sound like fairy tales. And don’t get me wrong, they are inspiring – happily married couples always are.
But no one ever thinks about the slow start to some of these relationships, the stress dealing with Big Life Decisions and immigration to boot, or the everyday struggles that any new couple has living together for the first time. Similarly, many people expect to jump right to their own Happily Ever After, and it seems like those expectations are even higher when you’re searching online.
For some reason, it’s ok to start slowly if your love interest is someone you met walking the dog. However, if it’s someone they’ve met online, some start overanalyzing feelings based on one email. You wouldn’t expect to set up a romantic evening based on one introductory conversation in a grocery store, so why would you do so on a wink?
The unreasonable expectations for online dating don’t stop at the first-contact stage. If a typical, met-while-dog-walking relationship ultimately doesn’t work out, the parties involved, and friends and family around them, might attribute it to an actual cause – “She hated my dog” - chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.
I’ve known people who seem to think that relationships started online should be held to a higher standard. If a relationship that starts online ends, they don’t think “Oh, it didn’t work out.” It often becomes an indictment of online dating itself. Or, worse, their friends and family will smugly say, “Well, I knew when it started over the Internet…”
Why do so many people hold online dating to a different, higher standard? Why must all relationships started online be instant Twoo Wuv and last forever? Online dating is just another tool to find people – maybe people that have more in common with you than the people at the neighborhood bar, but still, you’re just meeting them.
Relationships always require a certain amount of work to last, regardless of how they begin. And not every two people are perfect for each other. I want everyone to find their Happily Ever After, because I wholeheartedly believe it is possible – but I think reaching that goal is all the more likely when you’re not waiting to fall into a fairy tale.
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Well, to answer succinctly, for those who haven’t tried online dating, it’s their ‘last resort’
They’ve tried pretty much everything else, and consider it their last alternative. Which is really odd, since given how easy it is, (Maybe 15 minutes a day), it should be your first compared to other methods.
I completely agree that things tend to happen when you aren’t looking for true love. I know every time I was looking for love off line, it never worked so why would it online. Some of my closest friends online I met playing WOW online and often over something stupid like signing a guild charter.
Well online dating points together people from both sides (gender neutral here) who are both already there to get a date: meeting a person walking a dog has no preconceptions regarding relationship status, unless someone is wearing a ring. There is the possibility that two people can meet this way, but it’s not expected, or implied that there is a good chance to do so.
Going to a website meant for single people to find other single people to have real relationships implies that there are people there who actually want to get together in the real world to form a relationship. Meeting someone offline on a walk carries no implied relationship status, so there is no pressure like with a place (online or offline) where everyone is SUPPOSED to be mingling and getting together. I speculate that there is a similar pressure in a singles group, or match making service because of preconceived implications in all parties’ noggins. Maybe not the same amount of pressure, but the same type.
And yes, unfortunately people still see it as a last resort, an experiment, a joke, or sign up and forget about it.
@allanonmage – It’s true that those who are in situations geared toward dating and meeting people tend to place additional pressure on themselves; I suppose my point is that the added pressure will only stand in your way. Whether you’re on a blind date, meet someone by accident or choose to email them through a site, all relationships should start with a series of small, almost individually insignificant steps. It’s when you expect earth-shattering things from “hello” that you set yourself up for disappointment. But to know this intellectually, and to do it, are quite different animals.