Dear Anon-O-Box: I’d Like A Woman To Email ME For Once!

Dear Anon-O-Box,

Why do women send messages so rarely? Hasn’t feminism (and thus, gender equality) figured into the dating world yet?

- Always a Giver

Dear Giver,

There’s an easy answer to this question, but you’re not going to like it.

Women don’t write emails because they don’t have to write emails.

Ladies, back me up here.  When a woman of at least moderately socially acceptable attractiveness puts up a profile on any dating site, she immediately begins receiving emails from interested men.  Immediately.

Case in point:  I registered for a Lavalife account a few weeks ago, so I could poke around to research for an article I was writing for a freelance client.  I put in my usual screenname (lovelybard, my company name) and in the body of the profile, I wrote: “I’m not here for dating, I’m just doing research for a client for an article.”  In less than 5 minutes, the in-site instant messenger was pinging with 3 different guys wanting to chat me up.  I didn’t even have a picture posted!!

Second Case: Go back and check out the Craigslist Experiment posts I did last year.  In each, I posted a fairly innocuous profile of a woman looking for a boyfriend.  In each, I never emailed ONE person.  I just sat back and let the emails come in.

So, guys, in your utter desperation (as a species), you have taught the women of online dating that all we need to do to get attention is post a profile.  All we need to do to get a LOT of attention is post a picture that involves cleavage.  (It’s high quantity but not high quality attention, though.)

To Be Fair…

There are women out there who take the initiative and email men.  I was one of them.  I’d often get replies that said, “Wow! I was so excited to see a girl email me first.”  Ladies, if you want the edge for online dating, send out some emails to the guys – there are amazing men out there who just aren’t getting emailed. They’d love to hear from you.

There are also men out there who fit into two categories not described by the earlier material in this post:

  1. Guys who send thoughtful, personalized emails to women after thoroughly reading and absorbing their profiles.  (Keep at it, you’re on the right track!)
  2. Guys who sit back and do nothing hoping that the ladies will email them.  Whether it’s due to laziness, lack of knowledge about the system, or an attempt to see what ladies take initiative, these guys essentially play the ladies’ game online.

In The End…

Online dating is what you make of it.  The opportunity is there for you to use the system to find people to date.  Any one of those people could turn out to be the love of your life.  They could also turn out to be good friends.  They could also turn out to be nothing.  You won’t know until you get out there and work the system to your benefit.

Does it suck that you have to do more work than the girls?  Yep.  Will it change?  Doubtful.   It’s up to you to decide what that means for your future interactions with dating sites.

Happy dating, geek friend.

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