Ask Y: When Is A Good Time To Bring Up Sex?


Dear Y,

When is a good time to bring up sex? Both as talking about it in general and talking about it as preparation to do the deed.

- Birds and Bees

Dear BB,

In a world where 14-year-old girls look old enough to work the beer tub at your favorite club and every marketing strategy has turned into SEX, SEX, SEX that first sexual conversation still eludes the best of us.

If a guy says something too early, he’s a dirty pervert who’s just out to get laid.  (If a girl says something too early, her date might think she’s a bit too liberal with her dates.)

If you wait too long, she’ll think you’re not interested or in some cases, gay.  If it’s just in good fun, a joke made with a strong sexual tone could be ill-received if you just don’t have good timing.  However, there is good news!  Most people are generally born with a good sense of humor and it is unlikely you will be insulting anyone with your pickle, cucumber and penis joke!

Although, I would strongly suggest exercising enough common sense and DO NOT open your first date with anything meant for a more intimate setting.  (E reminds me of a first date during which she was told: “I have a size problem, and not in the small way.”  Ha!)

Generally, we can gauge a person’s sense of humor by being observant and taking cues from their profile, their pictures, their interactions with people and any exchange you have had with them.

It would be wise to wait until you hear that intuition bell ring before opening the doors to any sort of sexual conversation.

In regards to having that oh-so-necessary prep talk, I don’t think there is an exact time or stage for that conversation.  My recommendation is to have that conversation somewhere between that first arousing kiss and the formal removal of clothing!

If you start the conversation too early, you send a clear alarm bell the other way and we just don’t want that to happen.  If you wait too long to have “the talk” then you run the risk of a “pheromone blockade.”  We have all experienced this in the past.  We get a little carried away in the heat of the moment and the only priority is the alluring pheromones that are clouding our brains and our judgment!

Again, the only real answer I could give you is to trust your instincts and rely on experience to show you the way.

Happy dating!

- y.

Got a question about intimate relationships?  Y will be answering your questions as a regular feature here on Geek’s Dream Girl.  You can email your question to her directly or use the Anon-O-Box and send them anonymously.

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