Dear Y,
When is a good time to bring up sex? Both as talking about it in general and talking about it as preparation to do the deed.
- Birds and Bees
Dear BB,
In a world where 14-year-old girls look old enough to work the beer tub at your favorite club and every marketing strategy has turned into SEX, SEX, SEX that first sexual conversation still eludes the best of us.
If a guy says something too early, he’s a dirty pervert who’s just out to get laid. (If a girl says something too early, her date might think she’s a bit too liberal with her dates.)
If you wait too long, she’ll think you’re not interested or in some cases, gay. If it’s just in good fun, a joke made with a strong sexual tone could be ill-received if you just don’t have good timing. However, there is good news! Most people are generally born with a good sense of humor and it is unlikely you will be insulting anyone with your pickle, cucumber and penis joke!
Although, I would strongly suggest exercising enough common sense and DO NOT open your first date with anything meant for a more intimate setting. (E reminds me of a first date during which she was told: “I have a size problem, and not in the small way.” Ha!)
Generally, we can gauge a person’s sense of humor by being observant and taking cues from their profile, their pictures, their interactions with people and any exchange you have had with them.
It would be wise to wait until you hear that intuition bell ring before opening the doors to any sort of sexual conversation.
In regards to having that oh-so-necessary prep talk, I don’t think there is an exact time or stage for that conversation. My recommendation is to have that conversation somewhere between that first arousing kiss and the formal removal of clothing!
If you start the conversation too early, you send a clear alarm bell the other way and we just don’t want that to happen. If you wait too long to have “the talk” then you run the risk of a “pheromone blockade.” We have all experienced this in the past. We get a little carried away in the heat of the moment and the only priority is the alluring pheromones that are clouding our brains and our judgment!
Again, the only real answer I could give you is to trust your instincts and rely on experience to show you the way.
Happy dating!
- y.
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About Sometimes Y
I wouldn’t say to talk about it immediately, but on the first date it’s almost inevitable the subject comes up. You might go see a movie, a comedy show, or something else where they talk about sex- heck, even an episode of Friends will do.
It’s a modern world. If it’s okay for them to talk about sex on Everybody Loves Raymond, you wouldn’t be out of place talking about it during friendly banter. I’d say go with it if you are both having a great time.
@ messerole – It has definitely come up before on first dates. It’s about reading people’s body language and seeing how much they can handle. I know for some people, that is difficult (even I mess up sometimes and go too far!), so if someone has a hard time reading, I’d err on the cautious side for a few dates or let the person bring it up.
Precisely my point!
I’m a very err…liberated girl (yes, we’ll go with liberated) and many times in the past, I have managed to become the one that everyone stares at and whispers under their breath about. I never thought I was that much of a “free spirit” as others have been known to call me, but in general, people just don’t expect sexual conversations to be a nonchalant conversation topic.
Then there are other times when I’ve been asked to not “spoil the fun” when I thought I would just hold my tongue and not get gawked at for once! It all depends on the situation, the location (condoms and church psalms just don’t mix!) and most importantly, the company!
.-= y´s last blog ..Ask Y: When Is A Good Time To Bring Up Sex? =-.
Ive never had a problem with bringing sex up too early. But Im pretty good at gauging interest in me.