Dear Anon-O-Box: Being Open-Minded Scares People Away

Dear Anon-O-Box, How does one advertise being accepting of a trans gendered person (or just curious) without freaking out and scaring off any other potential peoples?

- I’m Open Minded, Not A Sicko

Dear Open Minded,

Pace from Freak Revolution here, happy to answer your question!

If you’re bisexual, it’s easy. You can simply say that you’re “pansexual” or “omnisexual”, both of which mean that you’re attracted to all genders or sexes, with the added bonus of showing that you recognize that gender and sex aren’t necessarily binary black-and-white categories.

Or you can say something like “I’m attracted to various genders and various sexes, in various combinations.” Another word I’m fond of is “sapiosexual”, which means “attracted to intelligent people,” implying that physical characteristics are less important.

Or you could say (if it’s true for you) “I’m attracted to who people are on the inside, and I’m not so concerned with how they look on the outside.” If you’re monosexual, it’s still possible to express clearly without sounding fetishist, it just takes a few more words. (I’ll write this for a male interested in women, but it works for any combination.)

You could go for the straightforward approach: “I’m interested in meeting women (including trans women) who like movies, indie pop, Carmen Sandiego [...]”  That’s nice and explicit, and really, who will think less of you for including trans women? You’re not saying that you’re looking exclusively for trans women, you’re just being inclusive. Anyone who thinks you’re a chaser or a trans fetishist just for being inclusive is probably transphobic, and is it really a big loss to scare away a transphobic person or two?

Or, if you want to be a little more subtle, you could go for the “long list of adjectives” approach. “If you’re a woman who likes movies, indie pop, and Carmen Sandiego, I’d love to get to know you, regardless of whether you’re blonde, brunette, redheaded, fat, skinny, liberal, conservative, trans, geeky, mainstream, or a Steelers fan.” Just add a long list of things like that (that are, of course, true for you) and you’ll reassure trans people while avoiding scaring off anyone else.

Thanks for asking! The dating scene is often terrifying for transfolk, so adding something trans-friendly to your profile will a reassuring breath of fresh air for any trans person who reads it.

About Our Guest Writer: Pace is a lesbian polyamorous bisexual transgender queer pagan unschooler geek. Her life’s work is to change the world by changing the stories we tell. To this end, she and her wife Kyeli co-lead the Freak Revolution, and they’ve just published the Freak Revolution Manifesto, a story about how you can find and create connection, and how you can change the world.

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