Dear Anon-O-Box: She Looks At My Profile, But Doesn’t Write

Dear Anon-O-Box,

I have a lot of women viewing my profile on match.com. Some say hi or wink, of course. But the majority don’t. And there are some very cute and intriguing gals who look.

What I’m wondering is if when a women views my profile (or any fella’s) but does not write, can this be a passive form of them showing interest?

I know this can’t be true/false in all cases. But what I’m essentially getting at is – whether it is common, from the female side of things, to show passive interest in this way. What’s the “normal” female perspective on this kind of stuff?

I know that girls get tons of emails and winks and I can only imagine that when they do merely look at guys’ profiles they must trigger many emails just from that. This is why I’m wondering, if maybe the “glance” of a match.com girl is more meaningful than a naive dorky fella might realize?

- Absurdly Naive and Simplistic Dorky Guy

(Yes, that’s seriously how he signed off!)

e answers:

Dear ANSDG,

You’re on the money when you say it’s not simple.

Let’s look at some possibilities, shall we?

Girl A is the girl who actually writes the guys she’s interested in. She’s got high self-esteem and knows what she wants. Chances are, if she’s looked at you and hasn’t winked or written, she’s not interested in you.

Girl B is the girl who usually writes the guys she’s interested in. But the wild card is that she’s got a wee tinge of a self-esteem issue. There are some guys she’d email, if she didn’t feel like she was going out of her league by doing so.

Girl C is the girl who doesn’t believe in sending out emails.  She winks at guys and hopes they write her back. In general, she’ll always wink (since it’s so non-committal), but on occasion she’ll have the same issues as Girl B which prevent her from winking at a guy she likes.

Girl D is the girl who does absolutely nothing on her dating site. She subscribes to the theory that men should do the work of wooing her, so she logs in and looks at profiles, but does nothing to pursue guys (even if she’s really interested in them).  If it’s meant to be, they’ll contact her.

Of course, there are Girls E through Z who are some mishmash of the above, or totally different animals. We’re all individuals!  (I’m not!)

If you’re going to play by the numbers, you can assume that most women who have taken a look at your profile have at least some level of interest.

Yep, they’re interested in you!

There’s always the chance that she read your profile or checked out your pictures and thought, “Meh, no thanks.”

But on the flip side, maybe she read your profile, saw your pictures, and was interested, but afraid to write.

I’d bet on the latter. If she’s looked at your profile and you fancy her, go ahead and send her an email.  (Don’t mention that you noticed she looked at your profile, that’s just a teensy bit stalker-ish. Just a normal email will do!) It doesn’t hurt, and you may give her the surprise of her week when that guy who she thought was out of her league shows up in her inbox!

Update: Match.com gave us some VERY INTERESTING DATA that says you should totally email the folks who have looked at your profile. Don’t miss this link!

Happy dating, geek friend!

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