Dear Anon-O-Box: What’s A Bi Guy To Do?

Dear Anon-O-Box,

I’m a guy who has always identified as being straight. I’ve always kept an open mind that I could fall in love with another guy, but I never catch myself staring at men like I do to women.

I want companionship and whatever comes with it, but my thoughts have always been based around having a best-friend who I also happen to sleep with.

This summer, however, it happened. Not only was I attracted to another man, we got so far as to make out and I liked it.

Things didn’t work out between us, but now I’m aware and accepting that I can care about a man more than as a friend. However, I’m torn on whether or not to come out as being bisexual.

I’m not in denial, but it’s no walk in the park to be so open. I only know two people (both male) that identify as bisexual, but they’re mumm about their identity and even more so about their experiences with men.

I would like to try dating men, but I’m also concerned that if I put “bisexual” as my sexual preference on dating sites along with a picture of my face people I know will recognize me (which has happened) and see my shift in alignment. As much as I’m an open supporter of the GLBT community, I’m not so comfortable with coming out like that.

Do I need to just get over my insecurities to gain more experience or is there some way I can stay shy and get the same benefits?


An answer from Geek’s Dream Girl reader David B:

It’s a tricky situation. Bisexual males face a unique set of stereotypes and preconceptions, even from completely gay individuals. Even if he were comfortable with people knowing his sexuality it does change people’s perception of you to have “Bisexual” listed in your profile.

I have occasionally considered changing my profile status back to Straight since I also lean heavily towards women, but I have grown comfortable wearing the bisexual label. I don’t wave a flag about it, but I am not embarassed or ashamed when people find out.

As he seems to be in an experimental phase I would recommend setting up a secondary profile on whatever dating sites he’s interested in with either Gay or Bisexual listed as his preference and without any photos. If anyone e-mails him through that profile he can direct them to the one with pictures. If he doesn’t want to do that he already has the ability to search for other gay or bi men from and explain his semi-closeted status in a first e-mail.

However he goes about it he should be open and honest with people he contacts regarding his hesitation to out himself. Many gay and bisexual men don’t want to feel like they are someone’s dirty little secret and it would be unfair to start dating them then expect them to leave or hide the relationship whenever friends or family are around.

If he’s just looking for a male friend with benefits then being upfront about that will make sure he becomes involved with people who are looking for the same and not break some poor man’s heart who was looking for a relationship.

I hope this helps!

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