Y Me?: Reminders of Your Beloved’s Ex

You know that list of things you’d like to avoid in life? The “I hope that never happens to me” list? I think I’ve experienced them all now. At least, I thought I did…

I don’t have a coat (unfortunate, but true).  Most mornings, I suck it up and just withstand the cold since you only really need a coat one day a year here in North Carolina.

Until, of course, this morning.  My boyfriend and I were getting ready to walk out the door when his extra coat (that’s been hanging in our closet) began to look very warm and inviting against the dreadful cold that loomed on the other side of our front door. Pressed for time, I grabbed it and we went on our merry way.

I immediately felt something press against my side but dismissed it as the coat pushing my cell phone against my body.

This is where I must say – don’t ever dismiss ANYTHING your intuition questions.

We get to the light rail station and do our morning car swapping ritual (he takes the light rail while I rack up the miles on the odometer) when again, I noticed something press against my side as I hugged him good-bye.

It wasn’t until approximately 10 minutes later, while I was stopped at a red light, that I rested my hand on that very spot again and noticed that it was definitely NOT my phone.  It was also in the left coat pocket. A pocket I had yet to use.

“Okay,” I thought, “Lucy [his ex - not her real name] was a pothead. It must be a cigar she was going to turn into a blunt.”

Without even realizing it, I unzipped the pocket, reached my hand inside and proceeded to pull out said “cigar.” Is anyone thinking Bill and Monica yet? Well, it’s worse. I don’t know what happened first…

..the realization that I was holding a vibrator…

…a USED VIBRATOR…

…a used vibrator in MY BOYFRIEND’S COAT POCKET…

…a used vibrator in my boyfriend’s coat pocket that BELONGED TO HIS EX-WIFE…

…or that EVERY DRIVER AROUND ME AT THE STOP LIGHT WAS LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF!

I immediately call my boyfriend, feeling embarrassed and almost betrayed.  Not to mention the loss of dignity!  I explain what had just transpired and the reply I received left very little to be desired.

“Well, that explains where it went…”

What?!  I’m usually very collected and quick to reach a point of understanding in unusual situations. I usually respond to them quite rationally. However, this is one of those things that you see in movies, hear about on TV or even read about on “stupid news” but NEVER would expect to happen in real life!! I am at a complete loss as to what I’m feeling or how I’m supposed to feel.

In the end, I love him and I know he loves me, which is all that matters. Nevertheless, the question remains, how thorough should one be when faced with a spring cleaning of past relationships? Is it fair to expect every trace of your beloved’s past relationships never to haunt your present? Or do things like this, in fact, happen to every couple?

What do you think?

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