As much as I hate to admit it, I watch American Idol. There are seasons where I watch religiously, but mostly I pop in here and there. As a music major, it’s delightfully painful. Call me a masochist, I guess.
So I have American Idol on the brain and I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about some of the female dating bloggers I read (and I read a lot of ‘em!). These are the single girls who blog about their “dating adventures” or whatever other cutesy phrase they have for it.
…and I’ve realized they have a lot in common (and this explains why so many beautiful women are still single):
The Meat Market
American Idol starts with stadiums full of hopefuls. STADIUMS. And by now, you should know they don’t all make it to being on television. They get weeded out through large group auditions in several rounds until it comes down to the ones who get to see the final judges.
The meat market happens with the online dating sites as well. This is where your single girl will set up her search criteria. She wants a guy between 5’9″ and 6’3″ (even though she may be 5’2″). Are you 5’8″? Too bad, she’ll never see your profile, even if you could be perfect for her. (Another reason why you should take emailing into your own hands.)
Sure, a girl’s gotta have standards, but I wonder how many of my gender have really given consideration to their list of qualifications for entry.
Hollywood Round – Or, You Looked Good Until I Saw You With Those Other People
Hollywood week is the kiss of death for so many American Idol contestants. People who you absolutely loved in their original auditions suddenly become drama queens when faced with the task of learning a song in a group. Others who were so-so in their first audition suddenly shine. People forget words, people can’t dance. It’s a recipe for disaster – and now with the “forget the words and go home” rule, it’s the most stressful audition round in the competition.
All for what? To eventually end up in a competition where how you sing in a group DOESN’T MATTER. American Idol is a solo singing competition, so other than the TV drama value, I don’t see the point of the group round in Hollywood.
Here’s where our picky dating ladies come in. Now, I’m not just talking about dating bloggers, but you know for every 1 woman writing it there are 10 thinking it!
She logs into her account and sees five emails from different guys. And what does she do? In her mind she thinks, “Who’s the best one?” Delving into her mailbox with that mindset, she’s eliminating the other four guys, if not all five. If you make it through this round, it’s because she decided that given the contents of her mailbox, you were the best candidate. Congratulations!
First Dates: Be Paula, Not Simon
Making it out of the dreaded Hollywood round means you finally get to go back to solo performances. Hooray! But now you’re pitted against the panel of judges, who will speak their mind about every aspect of your 2 minutes of stage time.
This season, we’re without everyone’s favorite druggie, Paula Abdul. I’m going to miss her. One, it was hilarious watching her try to string together a coherent thought. But two, despite her ramblings, she was usually the only judge to see past the one performance and see who the performer was as a whole.
Sadly, most women go into first dates thinking like Simon. They’re looking for as many reasons to discount him as possible. Is he really 5’9″? Isn’t he a little balder than in his pictures? Is his laugh annoying? Did he tip 18% instead of 20%? Did he go in for a kiss? Should he have kissed and didn’t?
…and if he makes it past the first date, then it becomes analyzing when he text messages, what those texts say, how long it takes him to call, whether he asks for a second date right away…
I keep reading all these things and I can tell you exactly why you’re single. I can tell you exactly why you’ll be a grumpy dating blogger for the rest of your life. (Because let’s face it, there are way more blogs by single women complaining about dating than there are by women blogging about their happy, fulfilling relationships.)
How about you give the guys of the world a goddamn chance?
Every day, I chat with dozens of single guys who are sweet, wonderful, kind, smart, successful men. But yet, they keep getting ignored. They get chopped out of the meat market for being too short, they get axed in Hollywood round for a guy who makes 10k more a year or who has a bit more hair, and they get ignored after a first date for a “mistake” that they didn’t even know they made.
How about instead of being Simon, you embrace the whole-person attitude of crazy Paula Abdul?
The worst thing that can happen is that you get several dinner dates a week. The best thing that can happen is you meet the man of your dreams, exactly in the places where you thought you didn’t want to look.