Your Big Throbbing Vocabulary Turns Me Off

It’s time for an intervention, geek friends.

And despite the title, this post has nothing to do with people who speak English as their second language. My hats are off to the folks who are working on being more fluent in a second tongue; it’s not easy.

No, this post was inspired by a conversation I had with a single guy via IMs.

His first language was English and he claimed to be a writer with decades of experience. The problem? He was butchering words left and right and all I could think about was this scene from Family Guy:

Stewie: Brian this is painful. Like listening to those 2 foreign guys down at the coffee shop who’ve been living in the US almost long enough to sound American.

{Cut to coffee shop}

Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that discotech. They played one of my audience requests.

Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like 5 liters of beer, any more and I would have ended up in hospital, man.

Guy #1: Oh, you said it, friend – but I wanted to stay ’cause I almost had sex on this girl.

Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive, each drink was like 6 dollars 40.

It was clear that he was trying to impress me with his huge throbbing vocabulary, but the words he chose were so wrong, so forced.  If this was his casual chat, can you imagine what his online dating profile must be like?  Think of what he’d write if he had time to obsess over each individual word.

Sadly, this problem is more common than you might realize.

It’s great if you have a big vocabulary. Like many geek girls, I find that kind of thing sexy.  I once replied to an otherwise iffy dating profile (with no photo and very little details) because the guy used the line: “Don’t be vapid. Know what vapid means.”  And yeah, we ended up dating for one very hot summer.

One clever word is all you need to get the geek girls swooning.  One.

If your profile is so full of ten dollar words that we have to read each sentence five times to make any sense of it, we’re not going to think you’re a literary genius. We’re going to turn tail and find another guy.

About e

Since 2008, E. Foley of Geek’s Dream Girl has been helping geeks from around the world find love. She writes amazing online dating profiles for her fellow geeks and guides them through the perilous waters of the dating scene and out the other side. She's totally proud to report that she's even caused a couple geek weddings! She lives in Maryland with DaveTheGame, her adorable cats, Mr. Peanut & Don Juan, and Titania, Queen of the Cocker Spaniels. (Email e, or follow @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter.)

Speak Your Mind