Meeting people from the internet is not scary or dangerous 99% of the time. If you’re stalling doing online dating because you’re scared of eventually taking it offline, I’ve got some pointers below. But first, a little squeeee of a story:
I met J for the first time last night!
J was hired at Geek’s Dream Girl just over a year ago and wrote her first post on February 23, 2009.
We’ve been working together since then, chatting nearly every day, and despite having never met in person, struck up a pretty good friendship. (Also, quite ironically, she and I both lived in the Orlando area several years ago and have mutual acquaintances.)
Since she was traveling to Baltimore, we decided to meet up for dinner – AND IT WAS AWESOME.
I’ve lost track of how many internet friends I’ve met in real life. It started when I was in high school and I met a (much older) guy that I used to chat with in an AOL chat room about classical music. (I didn’t tell my mom until afterward. She flipped out. Funny part – the guy and I are still friends today!)
Before Meeting: Doing Your Homework
I strongly advocate speaking to someone on instant messaging and/or the phone before agreeing to meet in real life. Emails have the delicious backspace key, which means they can be edited and re-edited until they say exactly the right words.
For example, one guy I met on Match.com seemed perfect. He was handsome and smart and a dentist. When we started to chat via IMs, I offhandedly mentioned a gay couple I’m good friends with… and the guy began to spew homophobic garbage. Really glad we didn’t meet in real life.
Experience the person as unedited as possible before the real life meeting. That way you’ll know much more than what their profile tells you.
Also Before Meeting: Do Your Research
There are people who are for and against Googling potential dates. I say go for it. You can learn a lot about someone from where they hang out online.
BUT!
Don’t write someone off for a weird hobby you don’t understand. Only use Google to rule someone out in the case of extreme red flags – like finding out that cutie is really a member of the KKK.
Setting It Up
We all know that the first date with a person you’ve never met should be in a public place. This makes it harder for potential axe murderers to wield their weapon of choice.
Feel The Fear – And Meet Up Anyway
I have met countless of people I only knew online. Some of them were online dates, some of them were friends of friends, some of them were internet buddies from chat rooms, forums, or blogs. Nowadays, I’m getting to meet readers of this blog and former clients – which is totally cool!
That being said – I still get butterflies. I still get a bit nervous before meeting internet folks – and that’s okay. J and I had a funny little moment where we both sat down and were like, “Whoa, there you are. Like, right in front of me with no computer in the way.”
Don’t try to push down the fear and nervousness. When you’re meeting someone for a first date, this is even MORE natural and normal. Find something to repeat to yourself that calms and centers you while you’re waiting for the big moment. Take a deep breath and sigh audibly. (This works like a charm to release tension!)
If You’ve Built It – It’ll Stand. Usually.
If you’ve taken the time to get to know the person over the course of a week or so via emails, IMs, and phone, once that initial hump of awkwardness is over, you’ll slip into where you left off.
It shouldn’t crash and burn. You shouldn’t be killed. You may emerge with a funny (to other people) story, but recovering from a bad first date isn’t too hard. Just brush yourself off and move on.
If It Goes Well…
It was so great for J and I to finally meet after working together for so long. We slipped right into the same conversations we have online and the time just flew by. I wish we could have had longer to sit and chat and I’m hoping we can get together again in real life really soon.
Even if a first date doesn’t go spectacularly well, you can say that you have another meeting encounter under your belt and perhaps even a new friend!
If it does go spectacularly well, than all the work and stress and fear was totally 100% worth it!
What About You?
How many “internet people” have you met (dates and non-dates)? Do you get nervous? What do you do or say to yourself to combat the jitters?
About e
I had never met anyone online before, never really chatted or anything…then a friend encouraged me to start playing WoW…started questing with this guy in my guild…from there we moved on to chatting on MSN & eventually Skype…he came down from Canada (where he lives) to the US in the summer to visit me…I thought it would be really weird & awkward but totally was the opposite…when we met at the airport it was like greeting an old friend…I even went up to Canada to visit him…long story short, we are now residing together in the US and are planning our wedding!!!!!!!! : )
I met my boyfriend of four years online first (on a geeky site nonetheless), and then in person. I flew from Ohio to California to do so, and I did every sensible thing I could to be safe about it. Including checking in with a friend every five hours.
And for non-dates/friends, I’ve met up with about eight people. One of those visits was going to stay at someone’s house only having known them online. I’ve only found it awkward in the first few moments, and then that tends to fall away when it’s someone you’ve been chatting with for a while. I’ve been lucky enough to never have a bad experience or even to have met anyone that wasn’t what they seemed to be online.
.-= AmyR´s last blog ..Nightmare Before Christmas presents =-.
“Don’t try to push down the fear and nervousness. When you’re meeting someone for a first date, this is even MORE natural and normal. Find something to repeat to yourself that calms and centers you while you’re waiting for the big moment.”
I must not fear, fear is the mindkiller, fear is the little death that leads to total oblivion…
Oh, c’mon. I know you were thinking it.
I’ve met plenty of friends online. I think the first was my friend glych, who lent a friend and I space at her booth at Comic Con. I’ve also worked with and met other writers over the internet and the first time we met in the flesh was the staff meeting towards the end of the project. And I’ve met a whole bunch of my regular wargaming group. I’m actually expecting one, flying in from England in the first week of April. We’re going to show him Americans know how to host a damn good party!
.-= Roscoe´s last blog ..Next Post =-.
I had a blast! And I was totally nervous beforehand. I’ve met a good amount of internet friends in real life, and I would say 90% of the time they were what I expected. Of the other 10%, they were usually much quieter and more shy than their internet persona (no matter how long you know them).
@Leeanndra – Congrats!!
@Amy – Glad it worked out for you. I agree that as long as you’re thorough and listen to your gut, you can weed out the bad eggs before meeting.
@Roscoe – I love meeting my internet friends at conventions. Also fun, getting a little tipsy with people you’ve only known from the intarwebz.
@J – Totally. I’m usually a bit more shy (at least to start), but once I get comfortable, I don’t shut up. (Also a problem?)
I have been talking to a guy for around 6 months, we have spoken online, by text, by phone, etc. I wouldnt say we were romantic as such since he is with someone but we are very good friends. I said I would meet him for a chat this wk. I am nervous, its just a friendship but the thought of meeting up is making me nervous. We get on well in every form of communication and I would go as far as sayin he has swiftly become one of my best friends, I talk to him constantly. The thing is, I am goin on my own, 200KM away to meet him. Am I wrong to trust him? Hes always been 100% honest with me and vice versa though.
I want to marry this post. And bring it home to show it to my parents.
Seriously, let’s see… my not-yet-my-boyfriend flew up from California to Canada to visit me for two weeks, and he turned out not to be an axe murderer.
Then, I flew down to California for two weeks to visit two of my best friends whom I had known for about three years but never met in person, which freaked my parents out even more. They’re still my best friends and I just got back from my second visit with them (which was for five weeks this time!).
I’ve also met at least half a dozen people offline, but I can’t think of the exact number off the top of my head. Some dates were great, some were mildly creepy. It’s all part of the game.
@Rach – Good luck with your meeting! Just remember, if you EVER feel in your gut something is wrong, don’t be afraid to pull the plug. A good friend of mine had that happen to him recently. He flew across the country to meet this girl and it turned out she lied about having a boyfriend. He immediately rescheduled his flight and came back home.