What do you think of her? Pretty hot, no? She’s fit, pretty, and she’s got no less than three geeky-awesome items on her.
But when the folks at Geeks Are Sexy posted this picture on their Facebook Fan page, the first comment was from a girl mocking the girl in the photo for having a hairy belly. This was followed by folks either saying they didn’t see it (or didn’t care!), or people (mostly women) having a laugh at the model’s expense.
Really, people?
Girls, Seriously, Grow the Hell Up
Do you know how closely you have to zoom into that photo to see the tiny bit of fuzz on her belly? Yeah, she’s got a happy trail, but most women (especially brunettes) do. Whether you shave, pluck, bleach or wax yours is your business. This girl obviously decided hers wasn’t dark enough to bother with – and judging by the ring on her left hand, her husband agrees.
Women have this horrible habit of picking out every little flaw in other women – especially women that threaten them in some way. May the gods forbid a woman who is hotter than you enter the scene! Even if she’s just a nameless stranger on the internet, you’re obligated to point and laugh at her flaws – even if they’re so tiny that they don’t matter.
It worked to make you feel better about yourself in middle school – but you’re an adult now. How about growing up and admitting that the girl is hot and if you happened to swing that way, you’d take her home?
…and here’s a hint, single ladies. Men think it’s sexy when you can admire a hottie with them. It says that you’re confident enough in yourself to be able to appreciate the beauty of other women. (It also fuels their fantasies that you may one day agree to a threesome, but I think that’s an article for Y to write.) Either way, if you point out and admire other women, your guy will not run off with them. He’ll find YOU more sexy.
Guys, You’re Not Off The Hook
While the majority of critics of this girl’s photo were women, guys aren’t innocent of these super-high standards. Here’s another internet example that actually ties into someone I know in real life. One of my ex’s college buddies is in the 501st. (For those not in the know, these are the folks who dress up like stormtroopers for cons and parades and such.)
She is totally sexy – perfectly sculpted body (she’s a personal trainer), beautiful long blonde hair, pretty face. (And sorry guys, she is very happily married.)
But yet, somebody made this “motivational poster” using a photo of her from a convention:
Here’s a closer version of the original photo:
…I’m having a hard time figuring out what is wrong with these ladies to cause someone to make such a rude comment in the “motivational poster” version.
Another Example Of Doin’ It Wrong
There’s a single guy I know: he’s got a decent personality (a tad annoying, but a nice person) but his idea of fashion includes various sweatpants and t-shirts, accessorized with dingy tube socks and sneakers. He’s constantly going on about how he can’t find a woman to date, but whenever single women are around, he’s picking them apart and saying they’re not “pretty enough” for him. They can be smart, sweet, save puppies from burning buildings, and everything else, but he’s not interested in them if they don’t meet his impossible standard of “pretty enough.”
Know a guy like that? I’ll bet you do. (I’ll bet a few people reading this are that guy.)
Here’s my theory (and yep, it’s gonna hurt a bit, brace for it):
When you can’t get any woman,
it’s easier to pretend that
none of them are good enough for you.
Coping With Being Single The Right Way
Being single can suck. But resorting to schoolyard style put-downs of everyone in the world doesn’t do anything except make you look more unattractive. If you’re constantly picking apart and making fun of women you see when you’re out with friends, do you know what your friends are thinking?
“I wonder what s/he says about me when I’m not around.”
And when your friends can’t trust you to not be putting them down behind their backs, how can they in good conscience recommend that their single friends date you?
Kick the habit:
- Before you open your mouth to say something about a person, think “Is this comment for MY benefit? Am I going for a laugh here?” If the answer is yes, keep it to yourself.
- Make a point to compliment at least 3 different people to their face every day. Even if it’s just to say that a coworker’s home-cooked lunch smells delicious. Get addicted to making people smile for positive reasons.
- If you’re online dating, resist the urge to make snap judgments about someone based on 2-3 pictures. The glow of someone’s energy is extremely hard to capture on film, especially by amateur photographers. Give more people a chance.
Changing your attitude will change your world. Happy dating, geek friends.
About e
I wish the internet had a function that required people insulting one another to post a picture of themselves.
I’d *love* to see what that motivational poster guy looks like.
.-= David A Hill Jr´s last blog ..Maschine Zeit pre-orders! Via Kickstarter =-.
Man, E, this is an awesome article.
I’ve been in the “Cosplay” scene for a good few years and a large number of my incredibly pretty, really nice, friends have been put down by people on the internet about a tiny, tiny insignificant flaw.
You’re right about other women feeling threatened too, an ex-girlfriend of mine would pick apart my close female friends because she was totally threatened by their good looks and close relationship to me. Insecurity reigns supreme and it was a BIG turn off.
I have to admit to being guilty of the stupidly high standards for others, low standards for myself, attitude when I was younger too. It was a big change for me when I grew out of it and I’ve never struggled to find dates/partners since improving my own self-image and attitudes towards other people.
It’s really refreshing to read your blunt advice on all this, good to know somebody out there is saying what many of us are thinking.
.-= Mark´s last blog ..Five Massive Misconceptions about Dungeons and Dragons =-.
There’s disgusting hairy, and sexy hairy, and the girl in the first pic is so far into sexy hairy that I shouldn’t have to say it. Deal with it.
I’ll bet if the girls in the stormtrooper suits had a photoshop artist like all professional models and actresses do, they’d fit right in. Reality isn’t as sexy as computer land. But guess what, computer land isn’t REAL. Deal with that too.
And you’re 100% right. These attitudes are jealousy and sour grapes.
Frankly Every person has something sexy about them. It’s not their job to capitalize it (unless they’re one of those professionals). However, if you ever want to meet someone who you can genuinely consider beautiful w/o a team of professional makeup and photo editing artists, it’s YOUR job to find that thing that makes them beautiful and focus on it.
I think I might amend “when you can’t get any woman” to “when you don’t think you can get any woman”. When you don’t think you have anything to lose by doing so, it’s rather easy to sit back and objectify and pick apart the slightest details just like they pick apart everything else.
I guarantee if you took that first girl and gathered all her negative commenters in a room and told them last man standing gets to touch that awful hairy belly that there’d be some blood. At least, the part of me that wants to invent new, violent game shows says so.
.-= Vanir´s last blog ..BREAKING: Dave “The Game” Chalker Retires From Blogging Amid Sex Scandal =-.
Those people to whom you refer should just frakk off back to their holes and let the rest of us get on with having lives. Intra-geek prejudice sickens me every bit as much as all the more familiar forms of bigotry. Good on you E for taking these people to task. Kudos milady!
i loved the article and agree with much of the sentiment. we are a very visually-oriented society with a media that fills our brains with their version of “sexy” and “cute” and “attractive”. a 2D photo can hardly hold a candle to the real thing. it is also hard to keep our egos in check and not nit-pick others when we are down on ourselves. accepting yourself for who you are goes miles towards accepting others for who they are.
however, i would like to caution the author of this article on promoting the idea that being single is not something to be enjoyed just as much as being in a relationship. using loaded expressions like “coping with being single” leads the reader to think that there is something wrong with it. be single and be happy or be in a relationship and be happy. i think, honestly, that most people comfortable with themselves care legions less about their relationship status as much as with how genuinely happy they and those around them are with their lives. %^)
You go into depth about females overanalysing other females beauty yet you assume the poster was made by a male. Obviously the chances are 50% but I for one find them both lovely and the fact they are 501st makes them rather more attractive to the Star Wars geek inside.
I personally could care about the belly button thing as hairy or not if she gets you going (which the young lady pictured does) it is irrelevant.
Nice article but don’t worry about other people idiocy. You are clearly very intelligent (a real turn on for me) and shouldn’t trouble yourself with muppetry like this. Unfortunately it is the way of the world but some people may learn from your article.
I for one just needed to come in and say – I LOVED this article. Thank you for writing it and thank you for posting it.
That is all.
Thanks for all the comments, everyone! There are a ton more comments on the Geeks Are Sexy Facebook page, too.
I appreciate your “tell it like it is” approach to this article! I deal daily with Singles who believe they are “discriminating” when in reality they are incredibly nit-picky, to the point of eliminating all possible humans from their pool of potential dates. They all have excuses as to why they think the way they do.
Unfortunately, they are keeping themselves stuck and miserable. Often, they are unwilling to look beyond their own limited thinking to consider the possibility that they are hindering themselves with their own attitudes. That would mean they would have to…gulp…change!
I wish I had a magic wand to help them see their blind spots. They have to be willing to open up to new ways of thinking if they are ever going to find “happily ever after.”
.-= Michelle E. Vasquez´s last blog ..Guest Writer: Single Man’s Thoughts on Dating =-.
Well: either I’m super unlike other ladies or just more bi leaning. My first thought was ZOMG hot geek chika!
I hate it when people hate on each other. I understand it, sorta it just makes me sad.
Kudos for bring back some warm fuzzy feelings about being who you are!
The girl is gorgeous. I didn’t notice any hair, even after reading the article.
What’s childish is that pose.
She’s pretty enough without doing that. That picture says, “Date me and I’ll suck something.” No, don’t try to spread frosting over it. Look at the picture. Assuming that’s not her main interest, she should stand up. You can lie down and look sexy instead of sex-starved. I can tell you I’d only suck on my Wii remote for someone I already intimately cared about.
Girl in the photo, you’re already pretty, and as a gamer girl you should have the personality and intelligence to not have to do this to meet a guy.
Part of this reminds me of the saying, “the only thing all your failed relationships have in common is you.”
I don’t frequent this blog as much as I used to- I’m in a happy relationship now. But one of the keys I’ve found to dating girls in general is this:
STFU.
No, seriously, talk less. The less you talk, the more power your words have when you actually do say something.
IF you do have something to say, make sure it’s relevant and furthers your objectives. If you have negative opinions, keep them to yourself. The only time you should be expressing them is if they’d actually be effective in curbing negative behavior.
Sniping at people from behind their backs is cowardly and unattractive- confronting someone directly about an important matter is assertive and shows leadership.
This goes along with the article-
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Find the things that really matter to you, and go after them. In dating, I’ll break it down into two categories
Physicality
-Does she have an appealing body shape?
-Is her face attractive?
-Are you sexually compatible?
-Are her eating/exercise habits acceptable to you? (IE, meat-eaters might not want to date vegetarians, lazy folks may wish to steer clear of gym rats)
-Is her hygine/neatness acceptable?
Personality
-Is she nice/mean enough for you?
-Do you share interests?
-Do you share values?
-Do you have the same goals in life? (Travel, kids, jobs)
-Do you have a good time together?
-Are there any lurking background issues? (Legal, medical, family, exs, etc)
Picking at small things is petty and you’ll only find yourself wasting your time.
@messerole – Grats on your relationship!
Great advice too – thanks for taking the time to share all that with us. 
@ Midori – Isn’t finding a new flaw to point out just as bad as jumping on the old one?
the reason ppl do this is simple-anonymity+boredome=hatred-its called the internet hate machine