EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the first post by new writer, Z! She’s the youngest of the dreamgirls (but still legal!) and will be writing about all sorts of geeky topics every Saturday. Welcome, Z!
The line between fiction and reality is thinnest when love gets thrown into the mix. Some newbies to RP have trouble distinguishing between their characters and themselves, but even veterans can fall prey to their feelings. That flirty comment you just typed… who is on the other end reading it?
The Scenarios (Every RP Geek Loves Scenarios!)
There are several possible scenarios in which Cupid can meddle: computer games, D&D or other tabletop RPGs, and text RP.
In computer games, you may be interacting with an avatar or character that represents your fictional “lover” in a fantasy world, but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. Sometimes, tabletop RPG players will get their characters romantically involved, and even a history of sexual tension between characters can create a similar tension between players. Text roleplaying is perhaps the most common reason RP’ers fall for one another. I think this is probably because you have to express so much in words that most “real-life” couples never even think about.
The Good Reasons To Fall For An RP Partner
The advantages of falling for a RP partner include the fact that you know their personality, likes and dislikes on a much deeper level than the average new couple know one another. Like it or not, both of you can’t help but allow yourself to shine through in spots, even if it’s under the pretense of your char’s beliefs or reactions.
The more involved your characters are, the more this is true. The knee-jerk reaction of any writer is to allow themselves to respond as they would, rather than their characters, and sometimes we just can’t help it.
Another advantage is that you value their personality over their looks, since you are exposed much more to their personality rather than judging them on looks alone. The priorities that permeate real world dating are flipped on their head when it comes to falling for someone you meet first as a character.
Finally, you and your RP partner must frequently communicate just to play your game of choice, not to mention when planning scenarios or hashing out details. With so many real world relationships ending due to poor communication skills, you’ll be a step ahead of the rest!
The Disadvantages of Falling For An RP Partner
There are disadvantages to falling for a RP partner, however. It’s quite possible to have too much of a good thing, and while frequent communication is the glue that holds relationships together, over-communication can have exactly the opposite effect.
If you don’t like being confined or tied to any one person, you may start feeling obligated to RP with them and spend time with them in other ways, which can add up to quite a bit of your life.
Also, remember that they might not be who they say they are, just like any other situation, online or offline. They may have a partner already. Maybe that person doesn’t mind them RP’ing as if they’re in love, but a real relationship is completely out of the question.
Finally, if the possible relationship goes sour, you’re going to lose not just a partner and friend, but a RP partner, too. It can be hard to find someone you connect with so deeply, and after breaking up, it never feels quite “right” again.
Making The Leap
If you’re still determined to pursue the relationship, here’s how to take the romance from fictional to real.
Use caution and talk with them on webcam before meeting up, just to make sure they’re who they say they are. Meet up in a public place and give a trusted friend all the details of your RP friend and your meeting.
Delay telling them how you feel until you’ve met them in person. Otherwise, it could be really awkward if the offline persona doesn’t match the online one and you’re not quite as enamored as you thought you’d be.
Try bringing up the fictional romance in a casual conversation, perhaps hinting at the fact that you sometimes feel like the line between fiction and reality is blurred, and see how far you get.
If all signs are positive, try gently telling them outright that you have feelings for them and wonder whether they’re returned. Be prepared for rejection, and if you do encounter it, try to keep the RP relationship just like it has always been. Don’t go all ‘creepy stalker’ on your poor partner!
A romance with your RP partner may not be well understood by friends and family, but geeks know just why it’s so appealing: you knew exactly why you loved the person long before you met them in person.
Been There, Done That?
Have you taken a RP relationship into the real world? Whether you succeeded or failed, I’d love to hear your story in the comments!
About z
Good start up Z… I actually met a girl through an RP, a mud (think Warcraft just text based) many many years ago… … Over 15 years ago infact. At the time I was 14, love was a bit of a ‘new concept’ but I got a crash course… I was a Drow Martial Artist, she was a Pixie Martial Artist…we both teamed up with a Cleric named Leon… We would fight, he would heal, and we split the loot. (Un)Fortunately his connection was horrible so inbetween disconnects/lag, me and this girl started talking about in game…then politics…then religion…then just randomness about our lives. Within hours we were both insane for each other.
Problem…young age, 1500+ miles apart, etc… The ‘relationship’ was short lived, a few months before real life problems budged their way into our fantasy world. We’ve lost each other/found each other many times sense then, and after 10 years ACTUALLY met…and again…and again… hehe. We’ve both grown up from the kids we were, but still manage to flirt, if just for ‘old time sake’…she is still one of my best friends who I talk to daily…and some part of me will always be in our ‘little RP world’ with her, but (un)fortunately no matter how true the quest, the knight-errant doesn’t always save the princess in real life…
—NRFBToyStore
Hey! I’ve taken the RP thing offline with one of the other writers here on Geek’s Dream Girl, the wonderful “d” whose first article will be going up on Monday. We RPed together for about two years before working up the guts to admit our feelings for each other. We had both been in other relationships over the years and, for that matter, I was straight LOL. I took the money I got for graduating from college to fly out to where she lived and, well, the rest is history. She was my best friend for the longest time and when I needed support, she was always the one I turned to, despite her being just words on a screen.
Eventually I made the decision to immigrate from the US to Canada to be with her and while we’re still waiting for the papers to go through, on August 22nd, we’ll be celebrating our first wedding anniversary.
This article is beautiful, though, and everything that RPers need to hear. It can work, we’re living proof of that, but you have to be smart about it. I can’t wait to read more from you!
Quoting Brad Pitt,
“So what if your wife on World of Warcraft is actually a dude? If it’s all good, don’t look under the hood.”
It’s great to hear that RP love has worked for others! I met an ex on a text RP site; even though the relationship didn’t work out, I strongly feel that we knew each other better than many new couples, simply because we’d written so much to each other. So much of what you hear discourages people from RP relationships, but it really can work out!
Rita, you’re living proof of this, and I’m so happy to hear your relationship was that successful! Congratulations and happy early anniversary!
Larry, that’s amazing to hear of a relationship lasting that long… but somehow, I’m not surprised. The internet is a great connection between people and it’s awesome to make friends like that, even if you never end up “with” her.
Hey..good article. I just stumbled upon it.
Actually, my current boyfriend and I met online on a MUD (multi user dungeon…IE completely text) game where we were friends for several years and quite frequently RPed together in group and one-on-one situations. Always in a purely unromantic aspect. We were both capable of RPing characters who were in a relationship with other characters, but always kept it separate.
As time passed, I remained unaware of a growing affection he felt toward me…which I believe grew as we RPed the awkward beginning stumblings of a relationship of a pair of characters we had long discussed RPing. He finally broke down and told me how he felt outside of the game.
I was suprised and flattered, but concerned. I enjoyed my RP partner, and my friendship. I agreed to explore a more romantic relationship with him and it has been the best two years of my life. He is my gamer playmate, my best friend and the love of my life.
We continue to RP, with each other, and with others. We are both oddly jealous of RPing romantic relationships with anyone else but each other, but it works for us. We continue to RP with others and we are both active in the games we play together.
So far as the issue regarding the feeling of ‘have-to’ RP with your respective partner..I have never felt that sort of burden. We both RP with other people in a variety of interactions, explore our own characters and set up overarching schemes. My boyfriend is an excellent storyteller and RPer. It is always a pleasure and amazing fun!