Dear Anon-O-Box: How Do You Stay Hopeful When You’re Single?

We’re deviating from the normal Anon-O-Box this week for a very special note from Sean Patrick Fannon. You may know him as the man behind Shaintar, an epic high fantasy RPG setting. Or from his work with RPGNow and DriveThruRPG.

I met SPF at ConCarolinas 2009, where Dave and I played in his Savage Worlds game, set in Shaintar. We had a blast… which then extended to a fun dinner… which then extended to an impromptu party. Good times!

Sean met the love of his life, Carinn, in a pretty crazy way. He decided to get the geeks and gamers of the internet to set him up.  He put up a website about his quest to find love and appeared on the podcast All Games Considered to broadcast to the geek world that he was single and looking. And sure enough, it worked! Sean and Carinn were married a little while ago, and in true geek fashion, there was a live web feed for those of us who couldn’t make it there in person.

Today, SPF posted a really great note on his Facebook page, and he gave me permission to repost it here for you.

So, someone asked me an interesting question tonight -

“Sean… how did you stay so f—ing upbeat and hopeful before you met Carinn?”

Unlike most folks who believe in some form of religion or spirituality, I only have one thing I actually believe in.


I believe in Love. It’s the one constant, and one unexplainable element in my life – in the Universe – that nothing can shake the foundation out for me.

Love lost is still love known. And I’ve always believed that Love would be mine, true and always – it was always a matter of just continuing to look.

Do not look at failed relationships as meaning you cannot be loved; instead, know them for the proof that you CAN be loved, even if there may be reasons otherwise that you are not right with the other person.

And know that every person you meet is another chance for some level of love, and perhaps THE Love of your life.

You are NOT worthless, and you will once again hold that amazing face to the sun and reflect its light back with your smile.

One of my most profound – and painful – epiphanies was realizing that I have had plenty of women love me that I didn’t love back. To act otherwise was to diminish them and their feelings, selfishly acting as though I were the only one hurting or lonely.

It made me realize that I wasn’t simply “unloved.” I simply hadn’t found that mutual love that we all seek and need.

It removed the “worthless, unlovable” element from my world view and placed me in the frame of mind of seeking the right person to be with.

Happy dating, geek friends.

Speak Your Mind